People who drive you crazy may appear in many
guises in your life. You may think that if only you could get rid of them, your
life would be so much easier; so much less annoying; so much more enjoyable.
Yet all may not be as you think. Perhaps it is precisely these people that drive you crazy that have something for
you to consider.
Think of the innocent toddler who doesn't stop
asking why. That's a rather marvelous way to be driven crazy. But what about an
employee who not only doesn't ask when he/she didn't understand the
instructions, but who - on the next occasion that the instructions aren't
understood again, and despite your request that you be asked to clarify said
doubts - makes another mistake basically due to not checking with you; due to
not having opened his/her mouth to ask the pertinent questions about those
doubts. Regardless of whether you then decide to let him/her go, the point is
that this behavior has driven you crazy. And there is something about this that
bears examination.
But first let's look at a few more examples of
people who drive you crazy. What about the friend (I call them 'butterfly
friends') who asks you a question because he/she knows you are very
knowledgeable about that particular subject, and after barely a sentence or two
into your explanation, you are regularly interrupted in order to go off on a
red herring, and from that point forward there's no getting back to the
original subject. You are most certainly being driven crazy by this behavior
and there is most definitely something about this that bears examination as
well.
Another scenario might be the friend who always
calls to cancel at the last minute. What about the person who smiles at you to
your face, and makes you believe they are on the same page as you, and that
they like you, and then whispers half-truths about you to one or two of your
close friends? Or the person who is always running late? Or the one who asks
you for advice and when you give it - to the best of your ability - makes it
evident that you have somehow crossed a line, but won't tell you how or why? A
final example of a scenario about people who drive you crazy might be the
person who cuts into the conversation you're having with another without the
slightest apology, and furthermore, simply continues talking. I imagine you can
come up with a good number of your own examples.
As I wrote earlier, there is most definitely
something to examine here. And if you're thinking that it's about asking
yourself why you have such - fill-in-the-blank - friends or acquaintances,
that's not it. In fact, it's precisely the presence of these people in your
life who tend to drive you crazy, that allows you to learn something about
yourself, and perhaps once learned, you will no longer 'need' their presence in
your life. What a rather marvelous way to rid yourself of them: learn something
and no longer be driven crazy. It could also happen that although they continue
to be in your life, precisely due to what you have learned, their behavior
simply no longer has the power to drive you crazy.
Let's look at some examples: remember that
employee who doesn't understand instructions, doesn't ask you to clarify or
reiterate, and hence makes mistakes? It might be that your own methods of
explaining are not clear. Or perhaps it would be useful if you asked your
employee to repeat the instructions directly after you give them, in order to
ascertain whether he/she has understood or not. You might also need to insist
that if he/she has any doubts, he then needs to immediately ask you to clarify,
even if that makes him feel uncomfortable. You might explain that such
questioning on his part – rather than upsetting you - would make you feel
reassured that he had understood the task clearly. Perhaps your employee is
very slow, but is it not possible that you assume too quickly that everyone
understands and completes everything as efficiently and quickly as you do?
What about your butterfly friends? They may not
have much of an attention span, but was that really why you chose them? Wasn't
it much more about the purity of their hearts? About the love, caring, and
tenderness they always show you? So think less about how irrational their minds
are (according to you), and think more about how filled with warmth their
hearts are, and how good that makes you feel.
To the friend who always cancels at the last
moment? Or the person who is always running late? The one who always
interrupts? Maybe it is you who needs
to work on having healthier boundaries.
The person who smiles at you, letting you believe you're on the same page and then talks about you behind your back? Maybe you need to stop trying to have a great relationship with everyone. Maybe there are just some people out there who will never like you, and obviously, if they're talking about you behind your back, you certainly don't want them in your world.
The person who smiles at you, letting you believe you're on the same page and then talks about you behind your back? Maybe you need to stop trying to have a great relationship with everyone. Maybe there are just some people out there who will never like you, and obviously, if they're talking about you behind your back, you certainly don't want them in your world.
The person who asks you for advice, and then
doesn't like it? Maybe you need to choose your words more carefully. Or perhaps
you need to choose the people to whom you offer advice more carefully - even if
they're the ones who are asking.
This is all a learning process. This is all
valuable. It was Pema Chodron who said: If
we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy,
can be our teacher. So by
allowing situations like these and so many others to be ripe with opportunity
as opposed to upsetting, angering, or even depressing you, learn from them,
enrich yourself thanks to them, and let the other person get on with their own
life. After all, you can only be in
charge of yourself.
Image: Jason deCaires Taylor's underwater sculptures in Cancun, Mexico
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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.
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