John (not his real
name, all names in this post have been changed) was recently told he has a
tumor. Malignant or benign, he will not know for about three weeks, after a
series of tests and the results that they offer. Marguerite was taking her
husband’s suits to the cleaners and found a hand-written note – not his
handwriting - in the breast pocket of one of the jackets: Your love makes life worth living. Matthew and Lily have just been
notified by their bank that unless they pay the overdue mortgage on their home,
it will be repossessed by the end of the month. Suzanne had a call from the
police this morning. Her son David is in jail for possession of cocaine.
Michael got fired yesterday. And William was robbed. Burglars broke into his
home while he was away on a brief trip and managed to open the safe where he
had six months’ worth of emergency funds and his wife’s jewelry. None of it
was insured. Finally, Mariel, a horse trainer, had a car accident, and not only
is her car totaled, but because of injuries she sustained, she can not work for
at least six weeks and her job only allows her six sick days per annum.
When Life Gets Hard
Such a list of bad
luck and hard situations doesn’t exactly make for fun reading. But here is why
this is the subject of today’s article: when life serves up the hard bits, the
companions we have chosen up to that point in our lives, will shape – at least in part – the manner in which we are able to deal
with the problems. They will sustain us and they will help us get through
that dark forest to the clearing on the other side. Or not.
Habitual Companions
Here are some of the companions
we habitually choose – we spend our precious time with these companions - and
because they are habitual, and because we generally choose them long before any
of the hard bits in our lives have appeared, they impact our thoughts and
behavior in ways that are detrimental instead of uplifting when the more
difficult times show up, just as sugar and chemicals in food are detrimental to
our bodies and creep up on us until finally one day we realize the body that we
have is no longer healthy:
- Endless television shows that we watch simply because we happened on them, either while channel surfing, or because they were there when we turned on the TV
- Junk books
- TV and radio commercials and print advertising, not to mention billboards that encroach on our time and thinking as we drive through the streets (similar to what mindlessly eating sugary treats or salty chips while we watch TV or read, does to our body)
- Fashion, gossip, and sports magazines
- Irate political, sports, and religious commentators on radio or television
- Conversations consisting to a degree of gossip, or discussion of other people’s lives
- Conversations consisting to a degree of complaining about something in our lives which we expect the other person to listen to, and vice versa, listening to others complaining about their lives (see also Do Your Relationship Boundaries Contribute to Your Well-Being?
- See also Emotional and Energetic Vampires
- See also Finding it Hard to Love Yourself? Check Out Your Boundaries
- Spending time in thought on endless worrying about problems (see also Controlling Ourselves, Our Lives, and the People in Them
- Spending time in thought on endlessly going over and over what someone did to you that you simply can not forgive (see also Can You Forgive?)
- Spending time in thought about how bored we are, or participating in some of the above activities simply because we are bored (see also Finding a Meaning for Your Life
- Socializing with a great amount of alcohol or some other type of substance, meaning that the actual interaction with other individuals is probably not on a level that serves us
- Socializing with people we are addicted to because of the power they have (see also What Are Your Addictions?)
- Shopping until we drop (even if our credit cards are already groaning under a weight of debt)
Nourishment
There’s nothing wrong
with all of the above in moderation, but if you were to make a list of all the
hours you spend on all of the above activities that apply to you, you might
find that when you need another kind of inner back-up, you don’t have it. When
life throws us the curve balls, when the floor falls away from under out feet,
when unexpected setbacks arrive, frequently what we most have going for us is
what we carry around inside with us. What we have nourished ourselves with.
Think of a young woman about to get pregnant. It’s logical, we all understand
that if she is eating a healthy diet, the body that will become a vessel for
the baby will be able to nourish that growing fetus in a much better fashion,
than a body that is filling itself with junk food or substances. So it is with
us as we prepare ourselves for those moments in life when the going gets rough.
Resilience is required
for difficult times. Inner strength is required. Wisdom, trust and faith (not
necessarily religious) are required. Belief in yourself is required. Knowing that you can survive will take
you a long way. Emulation of others you may admire who have gone through tough
times is helpful. Learn about them. Read about them. Be inspired by them. And
above all, love yourself (see also Love
Yourself First).
Think of this: how much joy have you stored up in your life
to get you through difficulties? (see
also Do
You Dance?) Have you figured out how to live a joyful life no matter what? (See also You
are Here to be Happy). How much understanding have you stored? Have you
filled yourself with ideas that will see you through? What would you do –
inside your head - if you were stranded on a desert island, or if you were
placed into solitary confinement? Obviously those things are highly unlikely to
happen to the great majority of us. But
that – feeling that we are all alone - is how we sometimes feel when we are
going through tough times because there is nothing there to sustain us.
Keeping Your Energy High
I’m an inveterate
reader and have been ever since I discovered the public library with a
spectacular children’s section in the city where I lived in Canada as a
child. I took my bicycle there once a week, filled the basket with books and
read those books over the course of the week. Evidently most of those books
were novels, children’s books, and so on, but I quickly realized that there
were certain books or certain pieces of information in some of the books that
spoke to me in other ways than the rest. Hence I avidly searched for more of
those books or for more books with passages of that nature. They nourished me. As I grew older, I
began to acquire books with the goal in mind that I wanted material that nourished
me, and then, even at the age of 15, realized that some of those had become
faithful companions when life got hard. I was able to find solace in them,
greater understanding of how I might continue on, and certainly, they
encouraged me in my darker hours.
But it need not be
books. It just needs to be a habit – once you understand this process – of
finding daily quality nourishment that will sustain you (see also Keeping
Your Energy High), because it has served to grow a being (you) that
carries inner strength and conviction, a being that knows it can survive, no
matter what is thrown at it. Such inner nourishment can come in many guises,
but you will know it because of how it raises your inner energy, your inner
sense of well-being and helps you grow towards the goal of truly loving
yourself. Begin to make the pursuit of such energy-raising nourishment a habit.
It will serve you well and lead you closer to inner peace, well-being and
freedom.
***************
Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.
Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)
Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week.
My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram
Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.
Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich
Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)
My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram
Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.
No comments:
Post a Comment