Do This Instead of Reliving Your Pain & Making it Worse

What can you say after a bad divorce, cancer diagnosis or any difficult news? When life gets really hard, when things happen that could throw you off your course, and when your mind keeps going over and over the thing that is happening to you, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that you aren’t going to be in a place of great well-being. Probably you are feeling quite awful, and it just keeps getting worse.

Here are three ideas you might consider before you continue on the path you are currently following. Each of these ideas may change your life … not just now, at this difficult moment … but forever because of the difference it will cause in the way you think about life.

Analysis, Explanation, Defense & Regurgitation

This is what we do instinctively. We analyze ad nauseam. We explain ad infinitum to all those willing to listen. We often forget that some listeners are listening for their own vicarious thrills, whether it’s because what we are telling is verging on the scandalous or on the morbid. Conversely, many who listen do so with love, but if we speak indiscriminately, we’ll never be able to tell the difference. And we defend our actions – sometimes to whoever is willing to listen. What we are not aware of is that in the telling, in the regurgitating of whatever it is that is happening to us, we relive it over and over again.

·         Analyzing exactly why something happened the way it did may be of value once or twice, but especially when relationships break up, people will often do this dozens, if not hundreds of times. By so doing they remain connected to that moment in time – even when years or decades have passed (see also Cellular Responsibility).

·         Continually explaining to others what has happened to us weakens us. It keeps us at that moment in time energetically (also see Emotional and Energetic Vampires).

·         Defending what has happened or what we have done or decided also weakens us because in the defending we are tacitly buying into the idea that because something about it is not right, we need to defend it.

Press Release

I have friends who send out a newsletter at Christmas. I know that some people find this less than personal, and yet I find it wonderful, because I know that a lot of thought went into it, because the sender only has to do it once, as opposed to thinking how to write a personal Christmas card to everyone on their list. If they’re trying to inject a personal note, they’ll add a few special words to each individual, but the main newsletter is the same for one and all. Sort of like a press release. And that is a little bit like what I have recommended in the past for people who need to inform friends and family that they are getting divorced, or that they have been diagnosed with cancer, or any other piece of difficult news.

Why? Because in all instances, if an individual attempts to tell each and every person they wish to communicate this to personally, not only will they relive – over and over again – whatever it is that they need to tell, but they will also have to deal with – over and over again – with all of the reactions that the list of people will give them. And that, in fact, may be even worse than the simple recounting of the event or decision or diagnosis.

You see, especially when people you love and who love you, react to something difficult that is happening to you, they may unwittingly leach your strength. They will commiserate, they will worry, they may cry, they may agree with you that your ex spouse was indeed a louse, or that the last person on earth who deserves such a diagnosis is you, and while all of that is understood in our culture as someone showing you that they care about you, and that they support you, what they are doing, in fact, is that they are not supporting you because what you truly need under those circumstances is for people to treat you – lovingly – but with strength, showing you strength, as opposed to taking your strength.

And so if you send out a missive of sorts to one and all, explaining that you are doing so in order to save yourself the re-living of the event in the multiple telling of said event, and that while you know they all love you and care for you, what you would really ask of them, is that they be strong for you. Ask them when they speak to you to discuss the subject in question if you show yourself to be so inclined, and if not, to offer their strength to you by treating you the way they always had, before this event. This will keep you on a much more even keel – on all levels – than continually discussing something that weakens you. And to reiterate, so that there are no misunderstandings: I am not condoning pretending something is not happening, but I am encouraging individuals to focus on their life in the NOW, as opposed to focusing on their divorce or their health diagnosis.

Inner Dialogue

Keep close tabs on your inner dialogue. It is here that you decide everything, but only if you are aware of it. If the inner dialogue or self-talk is mindless, it means you have not yet woken up to yourself, you have not yet become conscious. If you are reading this and do not know what I am referring to, ask yourself what thoughts you have had over the past hour, and how they have affected the state of your inner well-being, and how that has affected the outcome of the activities in which you were involved over that period of time. (Also see Consciousness is a Full-time Job).

In order for you to play a role in deciding what the inner dialogue will be, you must be conscious, and you will need to take the decision to remain conscious for the rest of your life. The pot of gold at the end of this particular quest is your inner peace and freedom.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 

DEINE SEELE UND DU

  

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)

RECONECTAR CON EL ALMA

Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.

Not Minding What Happens

For a very large portion of my life, I've been intent on - and very conscious of - the desire to improve myself. Oh, I don't mean studying or learning more, or taking tennis or piano lessons, although all of that is also very much part of my life. What I mean with improving myself has to do with 'making myself a better person', or at least trying to. Becoming more patient, being less critical, dealing with my temper, being more loving, and so on. The list is long. Just like most people, I was born with (or learned to be like this as I grew) many faults and imperfections.

So of course this entailed much work, because long ingrained habits are not lost in a week. It meant I had to learn how to be very conscious of myself at all times. That was not so very hard - at least for me - as I had started this (albeit in small ways) already as a child barely into puberty. Later - much later - I incorporated a daily practice of mindfulness to my life. I also had to learn how to love myself and all that self-love entails. That was much harder, and continues to be an ongoing process.

But of course, the longer this continued, and the more I did it, the easier life became. There was less and less of anything that had the power to have an effect on me, and that meant it was easier to remain in a state of harmony and inner peace - or simply in a state of equilibrium - more of the time. Or conversely, perhaps precisely because I was in that state of inner peace, less and less of anything had the power to have an effect on me.

I began to clearly see that when something happened in my outer world, I was simply not particularly bothered. So if a flight was delayed and I lost my connection, I observed the facts, and I observed myself, noting if I still needed some self-dialogue to go back to that inner peace. If someone was rude or hurtful to me, I observed the facts, and I observed myself, again noting if self-dialogue was necessary to return to inner peace. If the internet was on the fritz; if the restaurant was out of the one thing I really wanted to order; if the appliance repair man didn't show up; if there was an unexpected traffic jam making me late for an important appointment; if I lost my keys; if someone had blocked my parked car, etc., etc., I noticed that I observed the facts and I observed myself, noting, as above, if I still needed self-dialogue to find my inner peace again.

It became very clear that life had become so much easier, so much more pleasurable - and I say this even in the midst of what sometimes were very trying outer circumstances.

It brought to mind something I had read in the late 90's about Jiddu Krishnamurti giving a series of talks in California in the 60's. He had many devoted followers who came to his lectures. One day he announced that on that evening he would reveal the secret to his happiness, as he felt that most of his followers, despite coming to many of his lectures, had not understood - had missed the point. Of course many of those people came to that revelatory lecture, hoping to finally find some inspiration. Krishnamurti then said: the secret to my happiness is not minding what happens.

I puzzled over this. At first it sounded as though he was lauding apathy. Then I thought no, he simply no longer has an attachment to the outcome of any given thing. And then I realized, as I underwent the process I have described in this post, that what this meant (or so I believe) was that he was simply able to observe events, people, facts, without getting caught in the sway of emotions that we normally attach to anything. There is that word 'attach' again. If you can observe what happens, if you can remain in that space of inner peace, good or bad, positive or negative emotions need not arise. And hence you don't mind what happens.

Does that mean you don't try to do something about it? Perhaps you are observing world hunger, or inequality, or human trafficking, or perhaps you are observing something difficult in your own immediate, or even personal environment. Of course you try to do something about it. But you do this in very different ways than you would if negative emotions were attached to it all.

Is this path easy? No. It is do-able? Absolutely yes. It - as so much else - is a choice for each and every one of us.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

See links in left side-bar

Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich

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Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)

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Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.

Imagine Life with no Bitterness or Resentment

I've often wondered if those people whose lives are filled with bitterness and resentment could just see for a moment in time what their lives would - could - be like without the bitterness and the resentment (and the ensuing pain), whether they would then take the step towards making the choice of putting the bitterness and resentment behind them.

Because that is really what it's all about ... making a different choice.

It's not so much about being compassionate towards the person (or institution) who did whatever it was to you; it's also not so much about letting by-gones be by-gones. Much more than that it's about recognizing that you can continue to identify with whatever it was that threw your life out of balance at some point in the past (yesterday, nine months, or a quarter of a century ago), and that caused much pain then, which is why the bitterness and resentment arose, or you can decide that you simply are no longer that person. That you choose to be a person without bitterness and resentment for you. For your own good. For your own inner freedom and growth. And particularly in order to make space inside of you. As you choose to turn your back on the bitterness and resentment, you no longer need to use up energy - psychic energy - (psychological energy) to keep up those feelings. So now your energy can be channeled towards totally different - life-giving - endeavours.

A wonderful example of this is demonstrated in the movie A Mighty Heart, the true-life drama about the kidnapping and eventual beheading, in 2002, of the Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl, starring Angelina Jolie as Pearl's widow Mariane, and produced by Brad Pitt. The movie, based on Mariane Pearl's very powerful book by the same title, allows the viewer to experience first-hand how a person who has gone through such a tremendously traumatic and painful experience - one that most of us will never have to endure - has managed to not carry a heavy weight of bitterness and hatred.

How can you do this? As said, you can choose it. It is really that simple. A choice that you make. Of course, because you have long ingrained habits, at the beginning you will need to practice choosing this. The subject that has created the bitterness and resentment in you will arise over and over again in your head and you will need to make a different choice about where your thoughts go as soon as you become aware of the fact that you are thinking about this issue yet again. You don't shove it under the carpet. You simply say to yourself: ah, here I am again. I don't really like this place, so although I'm not yet sure how this whole thing is going to get resolved, just for now - just for today - I choose to focus elsewhere. Perhaps on nature. Perhaps you'll do some physical exercise. Perhaps on something inspirational. But if in the moment of the recognition of those familiar thoughts you have no time to do anything, you can simply look around for something of beauty, perhaps in the room where you find yourself, or look out the window and see the sky, a tree, etc. Focus on its beauty, feel gratitude for its presence in your life. This is enough to shift your inner state. And when the thoughts arise again, do the same again. over and over, and after some time the habit will have lost so much of its strength that you hardly think of it anymore. And when you do, it will be a simply case of refocusing - which by now you will have become an expert at - in order to move elsewhere with you thoughts and feelings. This is a choice. Start today.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 

DEINE SEELE UND DU

  

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)

RECONECTAR CON EL ALMA

Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.

The Transforming Power of Anger

Anger may have a strong hold over you. Perhaps it is related to things that happened to you when you were small, or maybe you just never learned to control it well. You might have an explosive temper 'by nature', or you might 'see red' at the slightest provocation. However it is, when anger has a strong hold over you, as long as you do nothing to countermand it, you might say you are controlled by your anger.

Not a good place to be.

Renowned thinkers over the millennia have said some very salient and eye-opening things about anger:

• Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it on someone else; you are the one who gets burned. Buddha
• When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger. Epictetus
• How much more grievous are the consequence of anger than the causes of it. Marcus Aurelius
• Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. Mark Twain
• If you do not wish to be prone to anger, do not feed the habit; give it nothing which may tend to its increase. At first, keep quiet and count the days when you were not angry: I used to be angry every day, then every other day: next every two, next every three days! and if you succeed in passing thirty days, sacrifice to the Gods in thanksgiving. Epictetus

I have something to put out there for you today - simply so that you give it some consideration. You might even put it on a back burner in your mind for a bit, in order that you are able to take a peek at it every so often for several days or weeks. I acknowledge that it is something that may - for a moment - even cause to to become angry at me for even suggesting such a thing. Allow it to percolate inside you, rather than dismissing it at the outset, in order that you may - at some point in the near future - potentially reap the benefits of this thought.

And the thought is simply this: why not use your anger as a catalyst? Use it to allow you to transform yourself. Use the anger, as it arises, to practice being another. That is, you therefore begin to practice being "another" you who is not ruled and guided by your anger. Much of this has to do with how aware you are in the moment that the anger arises. Being aware at that moment (see both related articles below) allows you the possibility to begin a new self-dialogue around the anger thoughts (for nano-seconds). Such a new self-dialogue will offer you the possibility of deciding to change how you now react. It's totally within your hands. You can - if you so desire - intend it. It's a choice.

Related articles:

• Consciousness is a Full-time Job
• A Daily 15-Minute Relaxation (that leads to mindfulness & being aware)

Image: "Metamorphose" (bronze sculpture) found in http://www.cedip.de/kunst-edition-bronze_skulpturen-metamorphose/p1553

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Build Even When Your Last Building Burned Down

I've often heard people say - especially those who have been burned once or twice - that they are unwilling to invest time in building up a new relationship unless they get some guarantees that it will work out.

I once belonged to a book club that met once a month for dinner and lively conversation, and one month when it was my turn to host the dinner, the book I chose was Isabel Allende's Inés of My Soul, a novel about the conquest of Chile carried out in part by Pedro de Valdivia and Inés Suarez, a woman of humble birth from Extremadura in Spain. The grueling difficulties these people and all those at their side went through in order to reach their goal: the colonization of a new world - brought those people I mentioned in the paragraph above, who are unwilling to spend time on building up a new relationship to mind.

Whether we agree with how the colonization process (by any country) took place or not, is not the issue here. We could take the pioneers in North America as another example. Europeans that decided to conquer and settle in North and South America not only had their work cut out for them in founding cities, building homes, planting fields, and raising livestock, but they had their hearts ripped out of them - figuratively speaking - on the frequent occasions that indigenous populations fought back and destroyed all that they had accomplished.

Again, whether we agree with what Europeans did in the Americas is not the point. What is at issue is the fact that these conquerors and colonizers got up the next day to rebuild and replant. What if they had said - as the people unwilling to invest time in new relationships without solid guarantees - that they would only rebuild and replant if they had guarantees that they would not be under attack again?

And here comes what for me is the most poignant and important aspect of it all - by rebuilding and replanting much was learned. Perhaps how to build better, more solidly, in order that the churches, homes and stables could not be pulled down or burned so easily. Perhaps they learned how to better protect their livestock, or perhaps they learned how to create better understanding and cooperation with the indigenous populations in order that there be greater peace.

By extension, we could apply the same principle to our relationships: if we are unwilling to invest time in a new one - especially if we have been burned in the past - how will we ever have the opportunity to learn what it means to have a better relationship? Can we not view the process as one of learning instead of assuming it has to be one of being happy and fulfilled? Being that - happy and fulfilled - in your relationships is obviously a goal and hopefully you will achieve it, but isn't the learning process just as important? It was Mother Teresa who said: What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

Image: Plaza de Armas in Santiago de Chile

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 

DEINE SEELE UND DU

  

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)

RECONECTAR CON EL ALMA

Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.

Dealing With Illness - On All Levels

Being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness yourself, or having it happen to a person you are close to can be devastating. Adding more negativity to the picture, it is also very frightening and downright paralyzing, in great part due to the rapidly escalating thoughts and feelings that may overwhelm you once you hear the doctor's words.

It's exactly at this point - which probably happens quite quickly and in rapid succession after having received the diagnosis - that you must step in and be prepared to do something. Stepping in means you must take charge, instead of allowing all those thoughts and feelings you are experiencing to be the ones who are in charge. If they remain in charge, they literally affect your energetic frequency, which means they affect your cells. Imagine a rose you have planted that has been doing well and finally you notice it has some strange sticky bugs on the leaves. Apart from consulting with an expert, you would probably now do your utmost to ensure that the soil in which the plant lives is clean. You would perhaps spray it with something that might help clear out those bugs. You would probably give it health- and growth-enhancing fertilizer, changing as well its position vis-à-vis the sun, watering more or perhaps less, and thus doing, in other words, everything you could to improve the 'environment' of the rose. You must do the same with yourself.

That requires awareness. We've looked at that topic many times over the course of these 10 years that I've been writing this monthly newsletter, so suffice it to say that awareness means you need to be able to recognize your own thoughts and be able to bring them to a less tumultuous state than the one they may currently be in. Here's a past article to refresh your memory: Consciousness is a Full-time Job.

Your thoughts and feelings can be dealt with - gently - by following a daily practice of mindfulness which will literally train your mind and form new neural pathways in your brain, in order to be able to take greater cognizance - to be more aware - at all times of your thoughts and hence your feelings, and above all, to recognize that you are capable of making choices about all of this, and hence literally influence and improve your well-being.

Many people who in fact know all these things I've been discussing, nevertheless lose sight of them when they receive a diagnosis that frightens them, and it all flies out of the window, and they give in to their most dire thoughts and feelings, thus creating an even more unhealthy environment for their body.

Think of it like this: imagine you have just had the cast removed after a multiple fracture of your tibia. You are so frightened that you'll never walk properly again. The orthopedic surgeon tells you that you'll need about two months of serious physiotherapy and then will still require further time after that until you are back up to speed. Again, your thoughts and fears take over, and all you can concentrate on is the fear that it won't ever happen; that you'll never walk without a limp again. Then, instead of going to those sessions of physiotherapy, you stay at home. As time passes, the lack of mobility in your leg becomes more and more pronounced and in the end, you truly do not recover your motor skills. Now I realize that almost no one would do this, but take it as an analogy of what happens to most people who receive a poor health diagnosis. They focus on the problem. They freeze. They may accept conventional treatment (and this article is not at all about refusing such treatment), but their thoughts and feelings remain stuck in one specific place - a very negative place, or a fear-filled place.

If at that moment in time you are able to implement the above ideas into your life, as follows, you will be doing all that is possible in order to improve the state of your health:

• by taking as good care as possible of your body, but not necessarily by racing off to the latest surgeon/healer/shaman/alternative treatment, as much as giving your body an inner and outer environment that is conducive to healing, and that has the capacity to affect your very genes
• by consulting the best physicians/healers possible (but without making an obsession of it, because if you do, you will probably contribute to a lowering of your energetic frequency). Remember, the physicians and healers are only part of the answer. YOU are just as large a part of that answer. You.
• by doing your own research, because after all, it is your body, and to some degree, you should make yourself responsible for how you progress from this point forward (but again, not by obsessing, for the same reasons as mentioned above). Self-responsibility is one of the most freeing actions you can take for your life and inner well-being.
• by surrounding yourself with those of your friends and family who are capable of giving you good - not pitying or sad or worried - energy, and studiously avoiding those people, situations, films, conversations, books, talks, etc., who are not doing this for you, and hence are lowering your energy (which, as said, affects your cells)
• by gently working on all those issues that continue to persist in your life. Is there resentment, pain, anger, frustration over people and events in your past? Do you need to learn how to forgive, create better boundaries, understand and eliminate patterns that you have been reliving over and over again, or begin to love yourself better, etc.?
• by seeking gratitude, beauty, and inner harmony at all times, which in turn will also affect your energy, but on very positive levels
• by furthermore reading, viewing, and listening to material that also contributes to this raising of your energetic frequency, ensuring that the tools you consistently use throughout the course of your day - every day - further this quest for continually either raising your energetic frequency, or maintaining it in a good place, assuming you are already there
• by realizing, as you do all this, that you are working more and more towards that most excellent and life-giving goal of loving yourself in the healthiest way possible, recognizing that self-love is totally up to you, and finally
• by continually taking stock of your thoughts and feelings in such a way that you move them in directions that are energy-raising as opposed to energy-depleting, positive as opposed to negative, but recognizing that your responsibility in this diagnosis of illness of yours is not to figure out how to cure yourself, but to maintain yourself, or bring yourself to a place inside of you where your inner state of energetic frequency and your inner state of well-being is - by your choice, not by external circumstances - always as good as you can possibly make it (knowing that it truly is up to you), in order to bathe your being and your body in the most excellent and nourishing climate you are able to. This - all of this - is a choice. 

Note: All underlined words in today's article can be used as searchable key words on my blog Rewiring the Soul for other articles and posts offering further explanations about these terms.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 

DEINE SEELE UND DU

  

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)

RECONECTAR CON EL ALMA

Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.

Nature's Role in the State of My Spirit

When did you start appreciating beauty? When did you start noticing what it does to you on an inner level? When did you look at something out there in nature, and feel as though your heart had just stopped for a beat because what you were looking at was so breath taking?

In my case it happened occasionally when I was still a child - I remember, for instance, staring at the beauty of the Matterhorn as I stood in a village in Switzerland that faced its majestic crags - but it didn't happen often enough for me to have many memories of consciously seeing beauty. I remember staring at the amazing beauty of postcards my father had the habit of sending me from one locale more beautiful than the next, and I saved hundreds of those postcards (that somehow mysteriously disappeared in my late 20's), but I'm not so certain that my appreciation of that beauty had to do with it, per se, or more with the fact that I wished I were there with my travel-hungry progenitor. When I was five I appreciated the glittering blue waters of the Lake of Constance below a hillside restaurant in which I sat with my parents, brother, and aunt just outside of Lindau in Germany. Later, in my early teens, I remember traveling from Switzerland to Italy and gazing mesmerized at bonfires that had been lit on August 1st - the Swiss National Day - all over the sides of the mountain across from Lugano where we were having dinner in a restaurant, and then the next day being just as mesmerized by stately villas in what appeared to be lush gardens behind high walls around Lake Como. I remember looking down on the St. Lawrence River from a high vantage point in Montreal when I was 16, snow-packed fields glistening in the sun near Gravesano in Italy when I was 18, and the Mediterranean in southern Spain a year later.

But these moments came few and far in between - they stayed with me over the decades because they had caught my attention in such a strong way - but they were anything but frequent; certainly not daily, and most definitely not something that occurred almost all the time.

Something changed - but not until I was in my 30's - when I began to consciously notice what happened to my inner energetic frequency when I communed with nature in my role of what was - at first - simply a fervent admirer. Later - by now in my 40's - I sought out beauty much more avidly, and of course, by so doing, I actually saw so much more of it. It was always there, but due to this communing with it, and seeking it out, I saw it everywhere. Copacabana and the Cristo in Rio, Chichen Itzá and the immaculate white beaches and turquoise waters in the Yucatan Peninsula. Key West, Sedona, Santa Barbara, Santa Fe, the Garden Route along the Indian Ocean, Cape Town, the Karoo Game Reserve. Palenque, Guanajuato, Acapulco, Sayil, Labnah, and Uxmal. Oman. Dubai, and so much more.

But eventually something else changed. At this point I was in my 50's. It was no longer a question of being in some exquisite place and being wowed by some exquisite view. Admittedly I have lived in some very exquisite places much of my life, but I realize I began noticing beauty anywhere and everywhere and nourished my spirit with it. I believe this happened due to an exponential increase of mindfulness in my life over the past years. The more I am present - here and now - the more I am mindful, the more I am able to "be" with beauty at all times, and the more that beauty has an effect on my inner self; on my energetic frequency, and on my spirit.

This is a gift you can also give yourself if you decide to choose it.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 

DEINE SEELE UND DU

  

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)

RECONECTAR CON EL ALMA

Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.

Do Your Relationship Boundaries Contribute to Your Well-Being?

Having healthy boundaries means that an individual has established visibly defined limits to the types of behavior by others (partners, children, colleagues, friends, etc.), which he/she considers permissible, and to clearly indicate the kinds of consequences that will befall the perpetrator, should those boundaries be ignored or violated.

So what does that mean?

It means you place a value on yourself. It means you honor yourself. It means you hold yourself in such high esteem, that you would “do” this for yourself.

Having established a boundary, a consequence merely says, “If you do not respect this boundary that I have established, then this will happen.” Boundaries need not be harsh or resemble an ultimatum, but they might have to, depending on the circumstances, as these examples indicate:

• To a spouse if both work: If you do not do the marketing, I will not have time to cook dinner and we will have to eat sandwiches (this should only apply if you like sandwiches and the other person does not…because consequences are not meant to cause you problems or difficulties, only the other person…see the next example in this sense as well)
• To an older teenage son or daughter: When you smoke marijuana in this house, you place us at legal risk and it is a fire hazard, so if you do it again, you will not be allowed to use the car for one month, but since I will not be able to drive you around, you will have to walk or use public transportation. If after that time you use marijuana again, it may happen we will need to consider whether you may continue to live in this house .
• To a person you are dating: When you phone me at the last minute without having previously made plans with me, expecting me to drop everything in order to see you, it makes me feel as though I have no importance in your eyes, so if you do it again, I will not be available to see you.
• From one woman to another: When you dump me two hours before a dinner date with me in order to go on a date with a man who has just given you a last-minute call, you make me feel as though you do not value our friendship, so if you do that again, I will have to re-think our relationship
• To a chronically late employee: When you arrive late, you make the entire production line lose time, so if you continue to do it, I will begin to dock your pay by half hour increments. If it is then repeated, you will lose your job.
• To a partner who lies: When you lie to me, I feel as though you place no importance on my feelings, so if you do that again, I will want a trial separation from you.
• To an emotionally abusive partner: When you do such-and-such, it is very hurtful to me, so if you behave like that again, I will have to remove myself from this relationship

Don’t forget the basic tenet of establishing boundaries: if consequences are not set up, then there is no boundary. However, you might want to explain your feelings to the other person first, as in these examples, in order that he/she understands what the specific behavior does to you, your family, your health, your safety, your business, etc.

Setting boundaries is one of the first steps to psychological health because by doing this, you are clearly telling yourself that you are loved (by yourself), that you are worth it, and that you will not allow others to do unto you, as you would (hopefully) not do unto them.

***************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 

DEINE SEELE UND DU

  

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)

RECONECTAR CON EL ALMA

Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.