Self-Soothing

You've seen small children holding their blanket, or a favorite teddy bear, or perhaps even sucking on a thumb. We all understand what it means - the language is universal, the child is soothing itself after an event that has upset it in some fashion. As the child grows older, it learns other ways of soothing itself - or not. Much of this depends on the example it sees from its parents and other adults or older children in its surroundings. If those other adults have not learned healthy self-soothing mechanisms, then of course it will be difficult for the small child to emulate them in constructive way. Much of it also depends on how much perceived safety there is for the child in its immediate physical, personal, and psychological environment.

Fast forward: the child is now an adult. When he/she gets upset, he goes to the refrigerator for a snack. Or grabs a beer, or glass of wine, or a whiskey. Or perhaps he/she goes out to find some excitement: some adrenaline-raising activity that will keep his mind off whatever it was that upset him. Or perhaps he/she will resort to more addictive substances. Or to anger, or depression, or moodiness, or sadness. When self-soothing takes a wrong turn, it can go down many different roads, none of which are helpful, and most of which simply - in the long run - make matters worse.

So what can you do if you find that you fit into one or more of the above descriptions?

You start by becoming aware of your inner state at all times. Then you proceed to monitor your thoughts, because the stories you tell yourself about whatever it is that is upsetting you determine to a large degree how you feel about it (yes - you can choose how you feel), and you begin to tell yourself different stories. In other words you change your self-dialogue and part of that change is to tell yourself that you have a choice about how you feel about the event, and furthermore, that you have a choice about how you react.

Self-soothing - in its most primordial state - is all about self-love. However much you love yourself, is how well you will take care of yourself when you are going through a difficult situation. Click on any of the labels below this post in order to find further information about these topics, or see my books.

Image: Golden Eye Resort, Jamaica

***************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)
Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf Deutsch Frühjahr 2015 / Mis libros en español primavera 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab Frühjahr 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de la primavera de 2015.