"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Are You in a Deep Hole?

Being on top of the world is not something everyone experiences at all times. Obviously. Being in a deep hole might sound a bit more familiar to many. The hole generally begins due to a 'situation' in your life that is not very good (although the starting factor may also reside entirely within your head, and I'll discuss that below):
  • losing a partner
  • losing a job
  • a poor health diagnosis
  • unexpected financial issues
Certainly you'll be able to come up with many more scenarios.

But let's dissect one of these, or let's - as is sometimes referred to in motivational literature chunk it down into its component pieces in order to see how an external situation may land you in a deep hole, and what you can do about it so that despite the situation you don't land there. Let's use the poor health diagnosis as our example.

Here is how it typically evolves from being a situation to landing you in a deep hole:
  • you receive a diagnosis from a doctor
  • you are told (or know) that it's not necessarily something that will kill you, but it's not good
  • you may start breathing differently due to the effect of this information hitting your brain (and heart)
  • if you were alone at the doctor's office, you may now go home or back to work
  • as you do so, thoughts start churning
  • you allow this (in fact, you may not even be aware that you could do something about it)
  • those thoughts create greater anxiety and worry in you
  • your adrenaline and stress levels increase, although again, you may not be directly aware of this happening, nor are you directly aware of the fact that these levels are increasing more due to your thoughts about your situation, than due to your situation
  • by now you are at home, or at work, and you choose one or two people to whom you can tell your story (or perhaps you already began telling your story to someone on the way home or to work via your phone)
  • with each repetition of your story, your anxiety or worry increases
  • perhaps well-meaning others are now telling you about someone they know who has/had the same thing as you, and what their doctor had them do (the point is, your life is currently revolving around this event in your life: the diagnosis)
  • over dinner perhaps you resolve not to discuss the matter, but your thoughts continue churning, and you notice that you are not participating in the conversation with your family, the way you normally might do
  • you find it hard to focus on the movie on TV
  • you take out your laptop and start researching whatever your diagnosis is, and instead of looking for information that might be of use, you go to a forum where everyone gives opinions, or paints horror stories about their own situation: the point being that none of this information if of benefit to you
  • exhausted, you go to bed, toss and turn because your thoughts continue to churn, and when you finally fall asleep, it's not a relaxing sleep, and next morning you continue to be exhausted
  • and filled with anxiety
  • several more days pass like this
  • your levels of anxiety and stress increase
  • you are now officially in a deep hole that will only get deeper if you continue doing what has brought you to this place
When the situation is not something occurring in your external world, but something that is going on inside of you, such as a concern you have (with little or no foundation) that a partner might not be true to you, or that you will not live longer than your mother who died at age 80, or that you are not yet successful, because you have not attained this or that, the scenario is very similar to what I described above. You start thinking about the concern you have, and before you know it, you are embroiled in the same kind of rumination described above, with just as much anxiety and stress, and with adrenaline levels pumping.

So what are some alternatives? The best ones that I know of involve being in charge of your thoughts, being aware of - being mindful of - what you are thinking in every moment of the present, and realizing that what you think creates much of how you feel about anything at all. Here are some short posts that can serve as a guideline.
As always, this is a choice you can make. You decide how much of your life you spend in a deep hole or not.

Image Credit: Caters News Agency


Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

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