"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Reacting in Beneficial Ways

Scenario 1: Much drama. John has just exchanged Mary for a younger model. (Or Natalie has just exchanged Michael for a more socially and professionally powerful model). Mary is - obviously - in pain. But in her pain, she decides to broadcast the situation to her friends and family. The story is repeated countless times, and a few select of these friends and family are treated to daily up-dates of the latest dramatic developments. Mary continues to feel pain - in part because she continues to repeat the story  or parts of the story (and thus relives it again and again) to many others, but she also feels justified in raging about John, simply because it is true that he has caused this pain. At least that is one way of looking at it. Many of those that she speaks to about this, agree with her. (Note that sharing a painful story with one or two very close and trusted others is a different scenario than the one I have just painted).

Scenario 2: Much drama. John has just exchanged Mary for a younger model. (Or Natalie has just exchanged Michael for a more socially and professionally powerful model). As she explores her pain gingerly, much like we might explore a painful molar with our tongue, Mary begins a soothing self-dialogue. The purpose of her dialogue is to not only soothe and calm herself (and certainly not to pretend that what happened didn't just happen), but to bring herself to a place of inner equilibrium or balance. She know that if she achieves that, she will be able to see what just happened with John with very different eyes, than if she remains in the initial place of pain his announcement and imminent departure from their home took her to. She also knows that by so doing she is strengthening the neural pathways in her pre-frontal cortex (that she has begun working on in the past with lesser issues), that connect to the ease with which she can regain a state of inner well-being, no matter what the circumstances. Mary knows that how poorly or how well she manages to get through this place of great pain depend much more on her than on how badly she has been treated.

The second version of Mary has her life in her hands in ways that the first Mary can't even begin to dream about. The second Mary has a high probability of living a good life, simply because she has chosen to focus on her well-being in all ways by assuming responsibility for it at all times. She has chosen one of the roads that self-love opens up to us: the road of caring for the self in healthy ways that lead to inner peace, harmony and eventually joy. She know that what others do to us is truly only interesting and important depending on how we react to their words or acts.


Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

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