Big Picture Vs Small Picture

As you stand back to look at a situation from the distance, or in retrospective, using time as your lens, you often see what you are unable to see if you are sitting in the middle of it all. Nothing new there. But what you do with this knowledge that - as said - is not new, may make all the difference in the quality of your life.

Imagine a quarrel. With a friend, a family member, a colleague, etc. The quarrel involves differences of opinion about something. That means there are two elements at the very least: first the different opinions (I am right - you are wrong, which tends to be an ego issue), and second, whatever the quarrel is about (religion, politics, money, love, honor, respect, etc.). As long as you stand very close to these two elements of the quarrel, you see only that, and therefore you are blinded to further ramifications. What's more, you just might be peripherally aware of them, but because you are standing right in the middle of everything, you don't really care. Basically you want to push your agenda. Period. There is much self-righteousness in that. And a lot of it is ego.

If, however, you stand further away, you see a much bigger picture. You see the potential consequences of pushing your agenda (creating an insurmountable distance between you and the other person; losing a friend or other loved one; even simply knowing that the range of subjects you will be able to choose from for your conversations with this individual is becoming more and more narrow, in order to avoid the hot spots in the future, etc.).

Of course it is true that some of this may involve boundary issues, and it is very clear that these must be respected and upheld. But if both sides were to be open to recognizing the truth of what this post contains, this could be discussed in ways that would eventually lead to harmony and mutual respect.

Differences of opinion do not signify that people can't get along well. They simply need to respect those different opinions. But when other factors enter the picture, such as boundaries that have been trespassed, or a lack of respect and mutual consideration, then - long before the respect and mutual consideration are addressed - and if the big picture is being observed, both parties would ideally first ask themselves: what is my ultimate goal? Do I want to show that I am right, or do I wish to continue in this friendship or relationship?

When questions of that nature form part of the big picture, harmony can be sought, and once re-established, all the other issues can be examined, but from another position that does not involve the two individual egos. Is being right more important than re-establishing peace? And does this not apply to our little interpersonal relationships as well as to all countries in our global community?

***************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy