What Are the Others Going to Do?

Is it possible to be truly free if you're worrying about what the other person is doing or going to do? Worrying about others' behavior and acts implies that you are constrained in your own deeds and thoughts. You may not be willing to do what feels right to you because others aren't doing it. You may not be willing to say what feels right to you because others aren't saying it.

You could think of this as living your life in a strait jacket ... but no one has made you wear it. The reasons you do wear it have much more to do with, as said, your fears and worries of what others might think if you do things differently than they do. Where does such a fear come from? You may have expressed opinions when you were younger, or done things differently than the other children or teens when you were younger that made them laugh at you, scoff you, or gossip about you, even ostracize you, thus occasioning this fear. Conversely, you might have observed how they did this to those that did not conform to whatever the modus operandi of the group was, and hence you built up enough trepidation to not want to cross those invisible lines that would mean you were no longer accepted. Peer pressure - at any age - can be a powerful motivator to conform. All we have to do is look at fashion - particularly for women. Who uses those tiny handbags that were so much in fashion a decade or more ago, that you hung from your shoulder and basically stored in your armpit, and that held no more than a mobile, a lipstick and a small wallet? Who wears jackets with shoulder pads? Who wears round-toed shoes? And that's only fashion. When it comes to expressing opinions or standing up to someone about issues - if by so doing you risk strange looks or comments - is even harder.

I've always been a loner, even when I was a little girl, in part because I never liked doing what everyone was doing, and so in some fashion I grew habituated to being looked at as somebody different, and it never really bothered me. But I've had many friends who had these feelings of constriction about doing what they really wanted to do and did not do so for the worries or fears I've mentioned, nor do they - on many occasions - say what they really want for the same reasons.

Is this not an abominable way to live your life? Does it make you feel good to stomp down on your inner desire to speak or act in a given way (or wear, for that matter, clothes that are no longer in fashion), just because someone might criticize it, or decide that it is not right in their eyes? Would you agree that a part of it has to do with unhealthy boundaries? But these would be your poor boundaries, and it would be your responsibility to do something about them. Think of it like this: do you really want your life to be populated by people who do not have the inner wherewithal to allow you freedom; to grant you the same freedom that you grant them? Maybe it's time to change the people with whom you surround yourself.


Also see my new website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may read quotations or download excerpts from any of my books. 

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch:
 
Rewiring the Soul

Click here to download the first chapter.

To see the Table of Contents click here

Reviews From the Back Cover:

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself 

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come."
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of: Ecstasy is a New Frequency

“Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion.” 
Robert Schwartz: Author of Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born 


The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self 

My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is just out. Click here to download an excerpt. 

From the Introduction: It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.