We all have a past. Some better than others, and some downright awful, even atrocious. And that past might be your childhood, or later on, or anything in between. The circumstances surrounding you from your birth to this point are the facts of your life. And of course that includes all the people in your life, both the ones you didn't choose, such as your parents and siblings, classmates, teachers, neighbors, and bosses, as well as the ones you did choose, such as your friends and love partners, as well as business partners.
And all those facts of your life are something you generally have an opinion about. How bad it was, how unfair it was, how intolerable it was, how unreasonable it was, how painful it was, how unjust, frightening, denigrating, and impossible it was. These opinions of yours have shaped how you think about your past - potentially very frequently. You may spend a large percentage of your time thinking about your past, wishing you could change it, wishing you could do something, find something, know something that would make it right. And by the way, your past includes not only what happened after you were born, and in later years, but also right up to a few moments ago.
Is it not a fact that you ate certain specific foods for breakfast today? Is it not a fact that you have a specific number of siblings? Is it not a fact that you lived on a specific street when you were 10 years old? And is it not a fact that you adopted a cat when you turned 12? How about the fact that you learned how to write when you were four or five? Or the fact that you were kissed (and kissed back) the first time at your 15th birthday party? How do you feel about those facts? Isn't it true that because they are basically just facts, you have no particular feeling about them, at least not of the kind that makes you want to go back to those facts and revisit them with a great deal of frequency?
Now: please change those facts. I'd like you to learn how to write at age three, and to have that first kiss at age 16. Oh, and please make sure that the street you lived on when you were 10 is called Water Street.
Ridiculous, right? Isn't it true that it is absolutely impossible to do any of that because you can't change those facts of your life? It is exactly the same regarding those parents you wish you had never had, or that abusive uncle that showed up when you were 13, or the way you were bullied in your first year of high school, or the way your wife cheated on you right after you bought the new house she wanted. It's exactly the same about every single incident of your life that took place in the past. You can not change any of it, no matter how much you may wish to, no matter how much time you spend thinking about it, mulling over it, feeling the pain it caused, and regretting the day you were born.
The difference between the facts of our lives such as the street where we lived as children, and the facts that involve pain or suffering or hurt or any other negative emotion you care to mention, is that we tend to hang on to that latter kind of facts, as said, hoping we can change them. But we can't. As long as you attempt to do this with your thoughts and feelings, you are not making the most of your life. In fact, you are robbing yourself of huge chunks of it because you use your time here and now to think and feel about times that are long gone and that will never change.
The sooner you make the decision that you can let that go, in the same way you let other things from your past go, the sooner you will have a space of inner freedom and boundless energy available to you that before was taken up by the past. This is a choice you can make.
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Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch