John (not
his real name, all names in this article have been changed) was recently told
he has a tumor. Malignant or benign, he will not know for about three weeks,
after a series of tests and the results that they offer. Marguerite was taking
her husband’s suits to the cleaners and found a hand-written note – not his
handwriting - in the breast pocket of one of the jackets: Your love makes life worth living. Matthew and Lily have just been
notified by their bank that unless they pay the overdue mortgage on their home,
it will be repossessed by the end of the month. Jennifer had a call from the
police this morning. Her son David is in jail for possession of cocaine.
Michael got fired yesterday. And William was robbed. Burglars broke into his
home while he was away on a brief trip and managed to open the safe where he
had six months’ worth of emergency funds and his wife’s jewellery. None of it
was insured. Finally, Mariel, a horse trainer, had a car accident, and not only
is her car totaled, but because of injuries she sustained, she can not work for
at least six weeks and her job only allows her six sick days per annum.
When Life Gets Hard
Such a list
of bad luck and hard situations doesn’t exactly make for fun reading. But here
is why this is the subject of today’s article: when life serves up the hard
bits, the companions we have chosen up to that point in our lives, will shape – at least in part – the manner
in which we are able to deal with the problems. They will sustain us and
they will help us get through that dark forest to the clearing on the other
side. Or not.
Habitual Companions
Here are
some of the companions we habitually choose – we spend our precious time with
these companions - and because they are habitual, and because we generally choose
them long before any of the hard bits in our lives have appeared, they impact
our thoughts and behavior in ways that are detrimental instead of uplifting when
the more difficult times show up, just as sugar and chemicals in food are
detrimental to our bodies and creep up on us until finally one day we realize
the body that we have is no longer healthy:
§
Endless
television shows that we watch simply because we happened on them, either while
channel surfing, or because they were there when we turned on the TV
§
Junk
books
§
TV
and radio commercials and print advertising, not to mention billboards that
encroach on our time and thinking as we drive through the streets (similar to
what mindlessly eating sugary treats or salty chips while we watch TV or read,
does to our body)
§
Fashion,
gossip, and sports magazines
§
Irate
political, sports, and religious commentators on radio or television
§
Conversations
consisting to a degree of gossip, or discussion of other people’s lives
§
Conversations
consisting to a degree of complaining about something in our lives which we
expect the other person to listen to, and vice versa, listening to others
complaining about their lives
§
Spending
time in thought on endless worrying about problems
§
Spending
time in thought on endlessly going over and over what someone did to you that
you simply can not forgive
§
Spending
time in thought about how bored we are, or participating in some of the above
activities simply because we are bored
§
Socializing
with a great amount of alcohol or some other type of substance, meaning that
the actual interaction with other individuals is probably not on a level that
serves us
§
Socializing
with people we are addicted to because of the power they have
§
Shopping
until we drop (even if our credit cards are already groaning under a weight of
debt)
Nourishment
There’s
nothing wrong with all of the above in moderation, but if you were to make a
list of all the hours you spend on all of the above activities that apply to
you, you might find that when you need another kind of inner back-up, you don’t
have it. When life throws us the curve balls, when the floor falls away from
under out feet, when unexpected setbacks arrive, frequently what we most have
going for us is what we carry around inside with us. What we have nourished
ourselves with. Think of a young woman about to get pregnant. It’s logical, we
all understand that if she is eating a healthy diet, the body that will become
a vessel for the baby will be able to nourish that growing fetus in a much
better fashion, than a body that is filling itself with junk food or
substances. So it is with us as we prepare ourselves for those moments in life
when the going gets rough.
Resilience
is required for difficult times. Inner strength is required. Wisdom, trust and
faith (not necessarily religious) are required. Belief in yourself is required.
Knowing that you can survive will
take you a long way. Emulation of others you may admire who have gone through
tough times is helpful. Learn about them. Read about them. Be inspired by them.
And above all, love yourself.
Think of
this: how much joy have you stored up in
your life to get you through difficulties? Have you figured out how to live a joyful life no matter what? How much understanding have you stored? Have you
filled yourself with ideas that will see you through? What would you do –
inside your head - if you were stranded on a desert island, or if you were
placed into solitary confinement? Obviously those things are highly unlikely to
happen to the great majority of us. But
that – feeling that we are all alone - is how we sometimes feel when we are
going through tough times because there is nothing there to sustain us.
Keeping Your Energy High
I’m an
inveterate reader and have been ever since I discovered the public library with
a spectacular children’s section in the city where I lived in Canada as a
child. I took my bicycle there once a week, filled the basket with books and
read those books over the course of the week. Evidently most of those books
were novels, children’s books, and so on, but I quickly realized that there
were certain books or certain pieces of information in some of the books that
spoke to me in other ways than the rest. Hence I avidly searched for more of
those books or for more books with passages of that nature. They nourished me. As I grew older, I
began to acquire books with the goal in mind that I wanted material that nourished
me, and then, even at the age of 15, realized that some of those had become
faithful companions when life got hard. I was able to find solace in them,
greater understanding of how I might continue on, and certainly, they
encouraged me in my darker hours.
But it need
not be books. It just needs to be a habit – once you understand this process –
of finding daily quality nourishment that will sustain you, because it has served to grow a being (you) that
carries inner strength and conviction, a being that knows it can survive, no
matter what is thrown at it. Such inner nourishment can come in many guises,
but you will know it because of how it raises your inner energy, your inner
sense of well-being and helps you grow towards the goal of truly loving
yourself. Begin to make the pursuit of such energy-raising nourishment a habit.
It will serve you well and lead you closer to inner peace, well-being and
freedom.
Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch:
Rewiring the Soul
Click here to download the first chapter.
To see the Table of Contents click here
Reviews From the Back Cover:
"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre
"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself
"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human
The Tao of Spiritual PartnershipReviews From the Back Cover:
"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre
"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself
"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human
To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here
Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership
“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come."
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of: Ecstasy is a New Frequency
“Eloquently and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion.”
Robert Schwartz: Author of Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born
The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self
Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction:
It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.
Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.
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