John (not his real
name, all names in this article have been changed) was recently told he has a
tumor. Malignant or benign, he will not know for about three weeks, after a
series of tests and the results that they offer. Marguerite was taking her
husband’s suits to the cleaners and found a hand-written note – not his
handwriting - in the breast pocket of one of the jackets: Your love makes life worth living. Matthew and Lily have just been
notified by their bank that unless they pay the overdue mortgage on their home,
it will be repossessed by the end of the month. Jennifer had a call from the
police this morning. Her son David is in jail for possession of cocaine.
Michael got fired yesterday. And William was robbed. Burglars broke into his
home while he was away on a brief trip and managed to open the safe where he
had six months’ worth of emergency funds and his wife’s jewellery.
None of it was insured. Finally, Mariel, a horse
trainer, had a car accident, and not only is her car totaled, but because of
injuries she sustained, she can not work for at least six weeks and her job
only allows her six sick days per annum.
When Life Gets Hard
Such a list of bad
luck and hard situations doesn't exactly make for fun reading. But here is why
this is the subject of today’s article: when life serves up the hard bits, the
companions we have chosen up to that point in our lives, will shape – at least in part – the manner in which we are able to deal
with the problems. They will sustain us and they will help us get through
that dark forest to the clearing on the other side. Or not.
Habitual Companions
Here are some of
the companions we habitually choose – we spend our precious time with these
companions - and because they are habitual, and because we generally choose
them long before any of the hard bits in our lives have appeared, they impact
our thoughts and behavior in ways that are detrimental instead of uplifting
when the more difficult times show up, just as sugar and chemicals in food are
detrimental to our bodies and creep up on us until finally one day we realize
the body that we have is no longer healthy:
- Endless television shows that we watch
simply because we happened on them, either while channel surfing, or
because they were there when we turned on the TV
- Junk books
- TV and radio commercials and print
advertising, not to mention billboards that encroach on our time and
thinking as we drive through the streets (similar to what mindlessly
eating sugary treats or salty chips while we watch TV or read, does to our
body)
- Fashion, gossip, and sports magazines
- Irate political, sports, and religious
commentators on radio or television
- Music on radio or
television whose rhythm, lyrics, or energy affect you negatively, i.e.,
you notice that it leaves you feeling worse, even though you somehow enjoy
it
- Conversations consisting to a degree of
gossip, or discussion of other people’s lives
- Conversations consisting to a degree of complaining about something in our lives which we expect the other person to listen to, and vice versa, listening to others complaining about their lives
- Spending time in thought on endless worrying about problems
- Spending time in thought on endlessly going over and over what someone did to you that you simply can not forgive, or participating in some of the above activities simply because we are bored
- Socializing with a great amount of alcohol
or some other type of substance, meaning that the actual interaction with
other individuals is probably not on a level that serves us
- Socializing with people we are addicted to because of the power they have
- Shopping until we drop (even if our credit cards are already groaning under a weight of debt)
Nourishment
There’s nothing wrong with all of the above in
moderation, but if you were to make a list of all the hours you spend on all of
the above activities that apply to you, you might find that when you need
another kind of inner back-up, you don’t have it. When life throws us the curve
balls, when the floor falls away from under out feet, when unexpected setbacks
arrive, frequently what we most have going for us is what we carry around
inside with us. What we have nourished ourselves with. Think of a young woman
about to get pregnant. It’s logical, we all understand
that if she is eating a healthy diet, the body that will become a vessel for
the baby will be able to nourish that growing fetus in a much better fashion,
than a body that is filling itself with junk food or substances. So it is with
us as we prepare ourselves for those moments in life when the going gets rough.
Resilience is required for difficult times. Inner
strength is required. Wisdom, trust and faith (not necessarily religious) are
required. Belief in yourself is required. Knowing that you can survive will take
you a long way. Emulation of others you may admire who have gone through tough
times is helpful. Learn about them. Read about them. Be inspired by them. And
above all, love yourself.
Think of this: how
much joy have you stored up in your life to get you through difficulties? Have
you figured out how to live a joyful life no
matter what? How much understanding have you stored? Have you filled
yourself with ideas that will see you through? What would you do – inside your
head - if you were stranded on a desert island, or if you were placed into
solitary confinement? Obviously those things are highly unlikely to happen to
the great majority of us. But that –
feeling that we are all alone - is how we sometimes feel when we are going
through tough times because there is nothing there to sustain us.
Keeping
Your Energy High
I’m an inveterate reader and have been ever since I
discovered the public library with a spectacular children’s section in the city
where I lived in Canada
as a child. I took my bicycle there once a week, filled
the basket with books and read those books over the course of the week.
Evidently most of those books were novels, children’s books, and so on, but I
quickly realized that there were certain books or certain pieces of information
in some of the books that spoke to me in other ways than the rest. Hence I
avidly searched for more of those books or for more books with passages of that
nature. They nourished me. As I grew
older, I began to acquire books with the goal in mind that I wanted material
that nourished me, and then, even at the age of 15, realized that some of those
had become faithful companions when life got hard. I was able to find solace in
them, greater understanding of how I might continue
on, and certainly, they encouraged me in my darker hours.
But it need not be books. It just needs to be a habit
– once you understand this process – of finding daily quality nourishment that
will sustain you, because it has served to grow a being (you) that carries inner
strength and conviction, a being that knows it can survive, no matter what is
thrown at it. Such inner nourishment can come in many guises, but you will know
it because of how it raises your inner energy, your inner sense of well-being
and helps you grow towards the goal of truly loving yourself. Begin to make the
pursuit of such energy-raising nourishment a habit. It will serve you well and
lead you closer to inner peace, well-being and freedom.
Image: Mandelieu, France
Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch:
Rewiring the Soul
Click here to download the first chapter.
To see the Table of Contents click here
Reviews From the Back Cover:
"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre
"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself
"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human
The Tao of Spiritual PartnershipReviews From the Back Cover:
"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre
"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself
"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human
To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here
Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership
“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come."
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author
“Eloquently and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion.”
Robert Schwartz: Author of Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born
The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self (coming October 2013)
My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is due out later this year. Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction:
It is your right to live a life of
love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to
live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the
instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your
family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an
act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't
practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not
shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how
to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving
yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently
of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived
with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know
that it all begins with you by loving
the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more
clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others
in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving
yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever
learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of
your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will
ever be able to imagine.
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