Pride is closely related to the ego (a part of us that needs to be right, better, stronger, more important, etc.), and poor boundaries are intimately related to a lack of self-love, self-appreciation, respect, and approval. Pride, for example, will cause someone to refuse to go out on a date with someone they are very attracted to but who gave little notice, because it might look as though they are too easy. This is one of those situations that depends on many factors, but compare it to what might happen to someone with poor boundaries: they frequently get asked out as a last resort (or maybe they get midnight booty calls), and they never say anything about it, and accept it. That's very different from the pride example. In the pride example you might miss out on a wonderful possible relationship.
In an ongoing relationship, pride might cause one of the two persons to not accept an apology for several days, erroneously thinking that by accepting it too quickly it makes them look too easy. Or pride might cause one of the two individuals to not admit how much something that has happened has hurt them. They might not wish to show their vulnerability and these kinds of situations could slowly erode the relationship, causing unspoken resentment or anger or pain. With poor boundaries, in the apology example, the person almost doesn't even need the apology to 'forgive'; generally they are OK with whatever happened just to get the former status quo back. Or, in the same example, they may hold back for a bit, not accepting the apology as in the case of the person with what I am labeling as 'useless' pride, but will swiftly change for the same reasons as before: in order to regain the former status quo. And in the case of having been hurt, the person with poor boundaries may swallow the hurt over a period of time, but then they tend to explode, and once the explosion has been sorted (which may take minutes, hours, days, or even weeks), a new cycle of the same behavior of the part of both parties begins.
Pride, as stated, because of its connection to the ego, does not belong in a healthy relationship. When poor behavior occurs in a healthy relationship, it doesn't get stopped because one of the two stands on their pride, but because each of the two has sufficient self-love and self-respect, as well as awareness about their choices at all times, that the poor behavior is discussed in ways that can only occur when two adults are in the relationship. Being adult has nothing to do with chronological age, but with the degree of self responsibility that each partner has taken on for him or herself, and - as stated - the amount of self-awareness that is then injected into the relationship. As always, it's a choice.
For more about loving consciously, and how awareness of your ego and pride can help you improve your relationships, and move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership in paperback format. (The Kindle version is available here)
To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here
This ground-breaking book addresses:
• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship
It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships.
Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership
“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come."
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency
REWIRING THE SOUL
For more about understanding the path towards life meaning and the inner quest, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self
(paperback or Kindle).To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here
From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.
Reviews From the Back Cover:
A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe
"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre
It is your right to live a life of
love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to
live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the
instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your
family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an
act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't
practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not
shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how
to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving
yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently
of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived
with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know
that it all begins with you by loving
the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more
clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others
in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving
yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever
learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of
your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will
ever be able to imagine.
Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for my new book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.
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