"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Does Happiness Continue to Elude You?

When you finally go out to buy that product you’ve seen touted in magazine ads and TV commercials,  or perhaps a friend has also recommended it, you actually go buy it because – or so our marketers tell us – you’ve seen it or heard about it a minimum of nine times. It’s a bit like that when you decide to make changes in your life: you may see the value of doing so when you read an article or a friend tells you, but very possibly you don’t in fact do so until you’ve heard or read about it quite a few times. That is why today I am writing yet another article about happiness … the elusiveness of happiness.

Here are some of the main ingredients you will need in order to change your life from continually pursuing happiness and not reaching it, to a life where happiness simply is:

Loving Yourself: This is essential. Without this, nothing else will fall into place. And please, it’s not about taking long baths with scented candles scattered around the tub (although that is a great thing to do). What loving yourself is about is the recognition that while you are not in a place of good inner well-being, you are neglecting to do something that shows you that you love yourself. It means that you can choose to take yourself to a better inner place at all times, no matter what the circumstances.

Developing Good Boundaries: This is also essential. How can you possibly be happy as long as your boundaries continue to be transgressed by others? How can you possibly be happy as long as you allow your boundaries to continue to be transgressed by others? Working on having good boundaries shows the inner self that you love it. So this one goes hand in hand with the first point.

Being Responsible for Yourself: So often people tell me they hate this. If you become responsible for yourself, you can no longer blame anyone or anything. Your external circumstances – no matter how apparently difficult they are – do not mean that you should blame them for how terrible you feel. How you feel is your responsibility. Full stop. What you do – at all times – is your responsibility. How you react – always- is your responsibility. No matter what.

Making Healthy Choices: Guess what? This one is also essential and goes 100% hand-in-hand with the previous one. As long as you make choices that do not benefit you, you haven’t much hope of finding that elusive quality you are searching for: happiness. So here’s what that means: understand that at every moment of every day you are making choices (even if you choose not to make one). Those choices compose the sum total of your days, your weeks, and hence your life. So it is entirely up to you to make choices about everything that is going on that benefit you. If you find yourself in a terrible bind; a really challenging place, you  can choose your thoughts about this challenge. You can choose where those thoughts go and hence you have a hand in deciding how you feel thanks to the thoughts you have chosen. And remember: you always have a choice!

Forgiving: Bet you don’t like that one. But here’s the thing: if you don’t forgive, happiness will absolutely elude you. If you don’t forgive, you’ll continue to vibrate to past pain. It will eat at you – perhaps only every so often when you think of the past event – but it will corrode your happiness as surely as acid destroys metal. Deciding to forgive; choosing to forgive, is elementary to happiness. Forgiving does not mean condoning. It does not mean you have to love or hug that person that did whatever it was to you. It also doesn’t mean that you have to have any kind of relationship with that person at all. You need not even let that person know that you have forgiven him or her. But forgiving him or her is one of the tasks you’ve set yourself in this life. Without it, your happiness will never be more than partial and temporary.

Being Aware:  None of the above will work without awareness. So in fact, all of these elements are so intertwined, that by working on one you will also run face-to-face into the others. Leaving one out signifies that the work you do on the others is incomplete. Being aware means first and foremost standing in an engaged relationship with yourself. It means paying attention to what you’re thinking and feeling. It means choosing to make better choices by taking more responsibility for yourself and loving yourself in ways that show you that you love yourself. You’ll know when you’re doing it because you will feel so good inside, even if just for a moment. Even your body will give confirmation of that fact by how it momentarily feels.

Remember: it’s up to you whether you are happy, not your circumstances.

Image: Amalfi Coast, Italy

For much more about understanding how you yourself affect your happiness and well-being, and how awareness of this can help you find deeper love, and move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership in paperback format. (The Kindle version is available here)

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 

Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency


For more about understanding the path towards life meaning and the inner quest, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is due out later this year. Watch this space!

Note: If you are wondering why this blog only appears on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul, so named for my earlier book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

No comments:

Post a Comment