Make A Practice of Being Patient

A partner who tries your patience may test your limits to the utmost. You may often tell yourself that such behavior on his or her part is not only inconsiderate, but also unreasonable. The reasons we become impatient with a partner can vary wildly, but clearly when those reasons arise - and especially if they have arisen many times in the past - we may not only simply become impatient, but also angry, frustrated, and perhaps even resentful.

Let's look at a few potential things your partner may do that creates impatience in you, and then we'll examine what is going on:

• habitually not doing agreed-upon tasks (taking out the garbage, doing the bills, etc.) just out of laziness or procrastination, or because he/she 'forgets'
• taking longer than you would expect to do or understand things that take you less time to do or understand
• continually complaining about something innocuous such as the weather, the news, or other things that simply can not be changed 

Obviously these examples are only a few out of dozens or even hundreds of possibilities of whatever it is that makes you impatient with your partner. However, what is going on, is the aspect of this situation that is infinitely more interesting, because it is the part that allows you to do something about it. And remember: the only person you can truly change is yourself, not the other.

• First, you will need to look at your impatience from the point of view that you are the one who decides whether you become impatient or not - not your partner's behavior. I know, I know, no one likes to be told that. But he/she always forgets to carry his/her glass in to the kitchen from the living room, and so it's always me who has to do it, you tell me. I have a right to become impatient about that. Well, it's not a question of being right or wrong, but a question of deciding how you want to spend your time: impatient - or not? So you will need to be very aware of this and begin to make some choices, and one of those choices is to make of your impatience a practice. In other words, whenever you notice impatience taking over your mental and emotional space, tell yourself that you will choose to see it as a challenge, that you no longer wish to feel impatient and that therefore you will practice being patient. You can use lesser situations to practice this (lesser, in the sense that if it happens in a store with a clerk, or in a long line at the bank, you are less involved emotionally, and so it may be easier to practice, as opposed to starting the practice directly at home, where so many more emotions are involved).
• Another possibility you will need to consider is that your boundaries are not healthy. In the example where your partner continually forgets to take out the garbage or do the bills (assuming you had both agreed that he/she would take care of these chores), and you have been putting up with it, but becoming more and more impatient by degrees, it could be that you need to talk with your partner about this from the point of view of him/her continually trespassing boundaries and you will need to set up some consequences if the behavior is not improved. I know I stated earlier that you are the only one you can change, and that is true even in this example, because you are changing your unhealthy boundaries into healthy ones by insisting on this and by placing consequences (see many articles on boundaries by clicking on the labels in the left sidebar here on this blog, as well as on my other blog here and on the Articles Page of my website here) on the repetition of this 'forgetful' behavior. Just as a side note, a forgetful partner is a partner who has not chosen to take on responsibility for him or herself.

In both instances above, you can make a practice - either of becoming more patient - or of practicing improving your unhealthy boundaries. You will benefit greatly, and your relationship - may also do so. It was Helen Keller who said: we could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.


For much more about understanding your relationships and the emotions you experience in them, and how awareness about this can help you find love, and move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership in paperback format. (The Kindle version is available here)

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 

Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency


REWIRING THE SOUL


For more about understanding the path towards life meaning and the inner quest, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre


Note: If you are wondering why this blog only appears on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul, so named for my earlier book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.