Why Do You Think It Means It's Love?

It's so easy to mistake our own needs for love when we find someone who somehow fits nicely into the gap those needs have created in us.

If I'm not good at loving myself, and someone comes along who appears to love me, I will generally (gladly and happily) jump to the nearly foregone conclusion that this is the real thing - this is love in capital letters, in other words, it means that I am in love. If I'm hesitant in public situations and someone comes along who appears to be strong in those situations, and furthermore appears to loves me, again, I will generally (gladly and happily) jump to the nearly foregone conclusion that this is the real thing - this is love in capital letters, in other words, it means that I am in love.

If my mother or father was slightly cool or rejecting or simply not good at expressing his/her emotions towards me, and if I missed out on being 'loved' in that more overt way I saw other children getting hugs and kisses, then if someone comes along who reminds a part of me (subliminally) of one of them in that slightly cool way, but who is also very attractive in many other ways, and who furthermore appears to be interested in me, then I will generally (gladly and happily) jump to the nearly foregone conclusion that this is the real thing - this is love in capital letters, in other words, it means that I am in love.

This is merely a small selection of the many scenarios that can occur when we fall in love, and particularly when we either repeat patterns (via projections) that originated in earlier parts of our lives, or when we go looking for that which we have not yet fulfilled in ourselves in the other - in the potential partner.

In all of these cases we assume that our feelings indicate that we are in love - and in some ways, indeed we are! But much of it has to do with having fallen in love with ourselves through the eyes of the other, rather than truly loving the other, and that may often lead to heartache and pain.

This is an extensive topic and certainly not one that can be covered in a brief post, but one thing is clear: as long as we are not aware of ourselves and of our unfulfilled needs, and as long as we go about our lives looking for what is missing in us in the other, we will find it difficult to find lasting relationships filled with harmony and love.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

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