"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Monday, July 30, 2012

Your Truth Does Not Derive From the Opinions of Others

How secure are you in your own thoughts and beliefs? Do you voice a belief, and then change it or back down when others tell you that you must be crazy to think that way, or when others tell you but it is impossible to think that, just look at this and that fact, or when others tell you that nobody thinks that way, or when others tell you where on earth did you get those ideas from, or when others tell you you can't be serious when you say that?

Of course this happens to us all the time. It happens in the face of others' opinions about the matter we are discussing, when the others have an opinion different to our own. Only when we feel secure within ourselves, are we strong enough to hold to our own truth.

This is a topic that makes some people squirm with unease. It's not fun to look at this aspect of yourself, but what is really important about it, is the fact the opinions of others don't tell you anything about your own truth. In order to stick to your own truth, understand that by changing your belief or backing down when others tell you why your opinion couldn't possibly be right, you are tacitly saying that their opinion has greater value than yours. In effect what you are also telling yourself is that your own way of seeing a particular matter, is not as worthwhile as that of the other person, or that the other person has a greater right to an opinion than you.

And that is evidently not true.

The opinions of others are not your truth.

Friday, July 27, 2012

It Isn't Necessary to Blame Anyone

  • My mother wasn't affectionate, so now I have trouble with my relationships
  • My teacher didn't recognize that I was creative, so I never had the chance to develop my art
  • I was never given the opportunity to travel, so I don't have the advantages that others who traveled when they were young, do
  • He was talking on his mobile so that is why he crashed into my car
  • My husband always wanted to watch football on Sundays with his buddies, so I had to find someone who would pay more attention to me
  • I didn't get a scholarship to an Ivy League university because my high school counselor didn't help me enough
Recognize any of the above? Sound familiar?

All of it could be true. All of it can happen. A lot of it really does happen, and of course it has consequences.

But ... if you choose to blame someone - anyone - for why you are not where you would like to be in whatever it is you would like in your life, you are abdicating responsibility for your life. And if you abdicate responsibility for your life, you have no control over your life.

So let's look at that more carefully. You have control over your life if and when you choose how you react to events, and if and when you choose what you can do about things that have happened in the past.

Clearly, you have no control:
  • over other people's actions
  • over other people's feelings
  • over other people's reactions
  • over other people's words
  • over how you were raised
  • over anything at all that is external to yourself
But you do have - if you choose - control over all of your own actions, feelings, reactions, words, etc. And so you can rid yourself of the poison that is blame, and by taking responsiblity for how you feel, react, act, and speak, you take control in a way that gives you enormous freedom.

See also Grow in Richness, Stop the Blaming


Monday, July 23, 2012

Paying Attention to Bad Things

Here's a great quote from Abraham:
What holds bad things in your life is always your attention to those bad things, always. This thought-provoking quote from Abraham is, in fact, very simple to comprehend and apply in a meaningful way to your life - in particular if you are worried about something, or if you are in pain about something. This is the reason: you will only bring more of it (pain, worry, stress, fear) into your life by remaining in that frame of mind - or - expressed, in other words, by remaining in that vibrational frequency.

Remaining in a specific vibrational frequency refers to not changing how you feel at any given moment, because your feelings are what dictate your inner energy ... the frequency at which your being as a whole is vibrating.

So of course what has to be changed is how you feel, if you want to get to another level of vibrational frequency. And you change how you feel, by moving your thoughts into another direction, another direction where you have a greater chance of feeling better.

This is a topic that a great many of my posts keep hammering on about, because it is so important: if you can learn this, can figure out how to apply it to your life, you will create many important changes to the state of your well being. Think of it as changing direction 180 degrees from the worried or painful place in which you find yourself, to the place of greater good feeling where you could be.

You might like to bring up a joyous memory, or you might like to think about something you are trying to bring about in your life, the completion of which would bring a state of good feeling and satisfaction to you, and as you consider this scenario, your feelings of worry and pain subside. From that better vibrational place you will be able to make much better decisions about your worry or your pain, simply because you will be in a better place.
Apply this always and watch the changes.

Image: Monument Valley, Arizona

Friday, July 20, 2012

Judging Others & Judging Yourself

Have you ever noticed how many people are inconsiderate? How often others just don't seem to be aware of anyone but themselves?

How about the people that think they are worth more than others because their bank account is bigger? Or those that think their opinion is better than others' because they are well-known celebrities, politicians, public figures, or hold a post of some weight?

And have you seen any of those that believe there is something special about them because they frequent a lot of social events, or because they eat at certain exclusive restaurants, or stay at up-market hotels?

What about the person who drinks too much and creates havoc on public roads? Or causes uncomfortable situations in a family's holiday reunion? The list could go on and on.

Judging other people for any of the above and many other things, is a curious phenomenon. As we judge others we are actually judging ourselves. What I mean by that is that if we feel we must judge, we automatically place ourselves in a position of "better" in some way than the other person. Examine that for a moment. Better? Better?

It may be true that others do whatever they do, but where do we come, what place in ourselves to we come from with these judgements?

Much negativity is associated with judging others, beginning with that essence of feeling somehow better or more worthy, or holier, or less materialistic, or more law-abiding, or less vain, etc. than another. So in this comparison of ourselves and the other, we lose any possibility of connection with the other. If we lose that, we lose the most precious aspect of our time here: that of discovering our connection to all of humanity.

Going back to judgement - here is a suggestion: when you find yourself judging, and if you would like to do so less, or stop it all together, simply send the other person peace or love in your mind, and let it go. Let whatever it was that you had been judging leave your mind. You will find that your life becomes both much more simple, and much, much richer. Try it, even if only for a couple of weeks to observe its effect on you.

 Image: Zakynthos, Greece

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

No One Can Control Your Emotions

Many of us feel that when our emotions spill over, when we feel very awful (and even when we feel inordinately good), it is due to our interaction with someone, and therefore we believe that our emotions depend on the good or bad state of our relationship with each person. Obviously this is tantamount to saying that others control our emotions, and nothing could be further from the truth.

While it is true that as long as we do not make the choice to be in control of our own emotions, others can indeed evoke all kinds of emotions from us, it is also true that as soon as we begin to recognize that this is all a question of choice, we are then able to begin the process of pulling our emotions back under our own control.

Try it the next time someone has done or said something to you that makes you very angry or very sad ... tell yourself that there are alternatives to the reaction you are on the verge of having ... the very fact that you can have this thought brings you into awareness ... and once you are in awareness, or conscious rather than merely reacting, you begin to understand that you have choices. These choices are, for example, to ask yourself, if it is in your best benefit to react angrily or sadly. If you then realize that it is not, you begin to realize that the reaction (or non-reaction) that would be in your best benefit is another one. As you practice doing this, you pull your emotions into your own hands, rather than leaving them in the hands of others.

This does not mean, however, that your emotions should be coldly controlled. Quite the contrary. It does mean that however you react, you should be the one to decide, and that decision should be based on it being beneficial to your state of being.

See also these articles on my website:

 Image: Cape Verde 

Monday, July 16, 2012

We are Blessed, You are Blessed, I am Blessed

Another totally new day begins.

A good time to realize how blessed we are. Remember this as you go about your day. Remember it every day. Use it as a mantra when things get you down. Think of all your blessings, whatever they may be. Use it literally as a tool to improve your life at every step of the way.

This has nothing to do with religion. It is awareness and mindfulness. Thinking of that which is good in your life as a blessing, implies thankfulness, or gratitude. Being grateful, or recognizing your blessings, is one of the most successful ways - according to researchers at prominent Ivy League universities (for more information, see also my October 2006 Newsletter: Happiness: Has it Become a Science, or is it a Question of Good Luck?) - that people are able to maintain themselves in a content and satisfied state of being.

Isn't that alone worth it? What a way to begin this New Year! What a simple way to make your life better... feel better...live better.

We are blessed, you are blessed, I am blessed.


Friday, July 13, 2012

The Trail of Your Life

Everything that has happened in a person's life, all the events, all the emotions, all the joys and sorrows, all the highs and low, expectations, disappointments, and all the people with whom the individual interacts, could be called the trail of a lifetime. It makes no difference what age the person is; it is simply the trail that is discernible behind the current now moment.

A lot of people refer to this as their baggage. And many people believe that they are their baggage. While that is true to the extent that you have become the person you are today due to all of these events, and particularly due to the thoughts and feelings and reactions you have had to these events, you do not, however, have to cling to that trail in order to define yourself.

Take the example of a woman who has been married several times to alcoholics. She may define herself as a victim of fate, or of weak men. She can choose, however, to define herself as the person who has finally decided to leave that behind and to work on herself in order to understand what exactly it was inside of her that caused her to be attracted to such men, in order to grow and advance in her life.

Another person may have lost his fortune due to a combination of bad luck and difficult events. If this person continues to live his loss throughout his current now moments over a period of years or even decades, he never leaves the trail behind.

And leaving the trail behind is crucial to present moment growth and expansion. What happened, happened. Learn from it. Use it to grow. But don't stay in that place. Move on in the realization that whether that was right or wrong, good or bad, difficult or easy, it simply formed part of making you who you are now, but that dwelling on it, defining yourself by it, or continuing to live in it, only leads to stagnancy and psychological death. Much better to remain focused on flexibility and growth.

How does the colossal cruise liner advance? Certainly not by looking back at the wake. It moves forward by leaving it behind.

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Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Where Is Your Own Life?

Oscar Wilde said: One's real life is often the life that one does not lead.

Why would that be one's real life? Think for a moment how frequently you get side-tracked by what others think. You have a plan or a desire or an idea, and then, because of censure you feel you might receive from others or because someone says something to you that is critical or derisory about what you are planning, you set your own ideas aside.

They have been annihilated. And you can't really blame the other person - they merely stated their opinion. The problem is that you listened, and let it affect you to the point that you buried your own thoughts and are now living life -at least in this respect - according to what the other person has said...and where is your own life?

Image: Atlas Mountains

Monday, July 9, 2012

Our Doubts Are Our Enemies

Our doubts are our enemies...Shakespeare said it.

When you doubt yourself...

When you doubt your ideas...

When you doubt your capacity to do something specific...

When you doubt that you can overcome something...

When you doubt...

You place yourself into the position of being your own worst enemy.

Think of it this way. You are the general of an army. You plan to vanquish the enemy. Then, when you fail, you realize that it was the saboteurs, those sabotaging traitors who caused you to lose the battle.

The sabotage comes from your doubts. Vanquish those and you will vanquish all else.

See also my February 2006 newsletter: Making Choices: Taking Responsibility For Our Lives and my August 2007 newsletter: Making Fear of the Unknown Work For You.

Friday, July 6, 2012

The People We Admire

Give this some thought.

Who are the people that you most admire? Pick some that are mainly your own gender. Here are some areas to look at:
  • close family
  • teachers, mentors
  • friends and colleagues
  • public figures in politics
  • business leaders
  • professionals from any walk of life
  • artists (authors, painters, sculptors, musicians, composers, singers, etc.)
  • actors
  • characters from history
  • characters from literature
  • characters from cinema
OK, you get the picture. Choose two or three that you truly admire for some specific qualities.

Now take a sheet of paper and under the name of each of these persons, write what it is that you admire about them (please: no physical characteristics...just qualities of character or behavior).
I assume you have written about some very wonderful people, even if they are unknown to all but you. The qualities you admire about them, are probably also very wonderful. Please stop reading if you have not already written out the qualities you admire. This is important. Only go on reading once that is done.

You may find that you have chosen several people whom you admire for very similar reasons, even though one of them might be someone you know personally, one a public figure, and one someone from a book you once read.

From the psychological point of view, and in Jungian terms the qualities you admire, that you have written down, say this about you: there are elements of your character that you have not yet recognized, that you don't yet accept as actually forming part of yourself. These are the elements that you admire in others of your own gender. The reason you have to admire them out there is because you have not yet recognized them in you.

Use this information to start paying more attention to any clue, however slight, in you that shows you that you do have these qualities in you in nascent form, and start bringing them to life, bit by bit, more and more every day.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Feeling Sorry For Yourself?

So you're feeling sorry for yourself? It's true, life can be quite difficult. Many unexpected turns in the path come up, boulders get thrown in your way, and then there is the occasional dragon that appears, snorting fire, not to mention those small creatures, almost invisible, that attack you as you sleep, and leave you with no strength.


This actually is not a grisly fairy tale, but a post designed to make you laugh a little at what happens in life, so that you will be willing to listen to what comes next...

A wonderful quote from Wayne Dyer, author of many books, including Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life:

With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.

So...what do you choose?

Monday, July 2, 2012

Don't Allow the Naysayers to Influence Your Life

You had a really great idea. You told someone about it. They found a really good reason why it would never work. You killed your idea.

But a short while later someone else made your idea work.

You tell a friend about how much you lare looking forward to your vacation. He smiles and tells you that you will need to be careful because when he went to the place you are going to, he got mugged, and the hotel overcharged him. Also the mosquitoes ravaged him. Your pleasure has been smudged. You worriedly wonder if you made a bad choice. You are no longer looking forward to your vacation without thinking negative thoughts.

The naysayers, the negative thinkers, who often call themselves realists, nevertheless tend to emanate a negative energy over whatever it is that you are planning, if you listen to them. Understand that your own energy and emotions are affected by the people you associate with, and unless you are very strong within yourself, their negative effect on you may cause you to back out of something you had been very positive about, and that may very well have come to a good conclusion.

Naysayers tend to get their strength by deflating or taking away the strength of others. Not because they are terrible people, but because their modus vivendi feeds on looking at the glass as being half full. It's their habit, their ingrained way of thinking. They could change it if they became aware of what causes it and made the conscious choice to change. Don't let them push you into becoming one of them.

And don't let them cause you to abandon your dream.

Image: Hohenzollern Castle, Germany