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"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Build Even When Your Last Building Burned Down


I've often heard people say - especially those who have been burned once or twice - that they are unwilling to invest time in building up a new relationship unless they get some guarantees that it will work out.

I once belonged to a book club that met once a month for dinner and lively conversation, and one month when it was my turn to host the dinner, the book I chose was Isabel Allende's Inés of My Soul, a novel about the conquest of Chile carried out in part by Pedro de Valdivia and Inés Suarez, a woman of humble birth from Extremadura in Spain. The grueling difficulties these people and all those at their side went through in order to reach their goal: the colonization of a new world - brought those people I mentioned in the paragraph above, who are unwilling to spend time on building up a new relationship to mind.

Whether we agree with how the colonization process (by any country) took place or not, is not the issue here. We could take the pioneers in North America as another example. Europeans that decided to conquer and settle in North and South America not only had their work cut out for them in founding cities, building homes, planting fields, and raising livestock, but they had their hearts ripped out of them - figuratively speaking - on the frequent occasions that indigenous populations fought back and destroyed all that they had accomplished.

Again, whether we agree with what Europeans did in the Americas is not the point. What is at issue is the fact that these conquerors and colonizers got up the next day to rebuild and replant. What if they had said - as the people unwilling to invest time in new relationships without solid guarantees - that they would only rebuild and replant if they had guarantees that they would not be under attack again?

And here comes what for me is the most poignant and important aspect of it all - by rebuilding and replanting much was learned. Perhaps how to build better, more solidly, in order that the churches, homes and stables could not be pulled down or burned so easily. Perhaps they learned how to better protect their livestock, or perhaps they learned how to create better understanding and cooperation with the indigenous populations in order that there be greater peace.

By extension, we could apply the same principle to our relationships: if we are unwilling to invest time in a new one - especially if we have been burned in the past - how will we ever have the opportunity to learn what it means to have a better relationship? Can we not view the process as one of learning instead of assuming it has to be one of being happy and fulfilled? Being that - happy and fulfilled - in your relationships is obviously a goal and hopefully you will achieve it, but isn't the learning process just as important? It was Mother Teresa who said: What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

Image: Plaza de Armas in Santiago de Chile

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 
  


Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)



Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Dealing With Illness - On All Levels


Being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness yourself, or having it happen to a person you are close to can be devastating. Adding more negativity to the picture, it is also very frightening and downright paralyzing, in great part due to the rapidly escalating thoughts and feelings that may overwhelm you once you hear the doctor's words.

It's exactly at this point - which probably happens quite quickly and in rapid succession after having received the diagnosis - that you must step in and be prepared to do something. Stepping in means you must take charge, instead of allowing all those thoughts and feelings you are experiencing to be the ones who are in charge. If they remain in charge, they literally affect your energetic frequency, which means they affect your cells. Imagine a rose you have planted that has been doing well and finally you notice it has some strange sticky bugs on the leaves. Apart from consulting with an expert, you would probably now do your utmost to ensure that the soil in which the plant lives is clean. You would perhaps spray it with something that might help clear out those bugs. You would probably give it health- and growth-enhancing fertilizer, changing as well its position vis-à-vis the sun, watering more or perhaps less, and thus doing, in other words, everything you could to improve the 'environment' of the rose. You must do the same with yourself.

That requires awareness. We've looked at that topic many times over the course of these 10 years that I've been writing this monthly newsletter, so suffice it to say that awareness means you need to be able to recognize your own thoughts and be able to bring them to a less tumultuous state than the one they may currently be in. Here's a past article to refresh your memory: Consciousness is a Full-time Job.

Your thoughts and feelings can be dealt with - gently - by following a daily practice of mindfulness which will literally train your mind and form new neural pathways in your brain, in order to be able to take greater cognizance - to be more aware - at all times of your thoughts and hence your feelings, and above all, to recognize that you are capable of making choices about all of this, and hence literally influence and improve your well-being.

Many people who in fact know all these things I've been discussing, nevertheless lose sight of them when they receive a diagnosis that frightens them, and it all flies out of the window, and they give in to their most dire thoughts and feelings, thus creating an even more unhealthy environment for their body.

Think of it like this: imagine you have just had the cast removed after a multiple fracture of your tibia. You are so frightened that you'll never walk properly again. The orthopedic surgeon tells you that you'll need about two months of serious physiotherapy and then will still require further time after that until you are back up to speed. Again, your thoughts and fears take over, and all you can concentrate on is the fear that it won't ever happen; that you'll never walk without a limp again. Then, instead of going to those sessions of physiotherapy, you stay at home. As time passes, the lack of mobility in your leg becomes more and more pronounced and in the end, you truly do not recover your motor skills. Now I realize that almost no one would do this, but take it as an analogy of what happens to most people who receive a poor health diagnosis. They focus on the problem. They freeze. They may accept conventional treatment (and this article is not at all about refusing such treatment), but their thoughts and feelings remain stuck in one specific place - a very negative place, or a fear-filled place.

If at that moment in time you are able to implement the above ideas into your life, as follows, you will be doing all that is possible in order to improve the state of your health:
  • by taking as good care as possible of your body, but not necessarily by racing off to the latest surgeon/healer/shaman/alternative treatment, as much as giving your body an inner and outer environment that is conducive to healing, and that has the capacity to affect your very genes
  • by consulting the best physicians/healers possible (but without making an obsession of it, because if you do, you will probably contribute to a lowering of your energetic frequency). Remember, the physicians and healers are only part of the answer. YOU are just as large a part of that answer. You.
  • by doing your own research, because after all, it is your body, and to some degree, you should make yourself responsible for how you progress from this point forward (but again, not by obsessing, for the same reasons as mentioned above). Self-responsibility is one of the most freeing actions you can take for your life and inner well-being.
  • by surrounding yourself with those of your friends and family who are capable of giving you good - not pitying or sad or worried - energy, and studiously avoiding those people, situations, films, conversations, books, talks, etc., who are not doing this for you, and hence are lowering your energy (which, as said, affects your cells)
  • by gently working on all those issues that continue to persist in your life. Is there resentment, pain, anger, frustration over people and events in your past? Do you need to learn how to forgive, create better boundaries, understand and eliminate patterns that you have been reliving over and over again, or begin to love yourself better, etc.?
  • by seeking gratitude, beauty, and inner harmony at all times, which in turn will also affect your energy, but on very positive levels
  • by furthermore reading, viewing, and listening to material that also contributes to this raising of your energetic frequency, ensuring that the tools you consistently use throughout the course of your day - every day - further this quest for continually either raising your energetic frequency, or maintaining it in a good place, assuming you are already there
  • by realizing, as you do all this, that you are working more and more towards that most excellent and life-giving goal of loving yourself in the healthiest way possible, recognizing that self-love is totally up to you, and finally
  • by continually taking stock of your thoughts and feelings in such a way that you move them in directions that are energy-raising as opposed to energy-depleting, positive as opposed to negative, but recognizing that your responsibility in this diagnosis of illness of yours is not to figure out how to cure yourself, but to maintain yourself, or bring yourself to a place inside of you where your inner state of energetic frequency and your inner state of well-being is - by your choice, not by external circumstances - always as good as you can possibly make it (knowing that it truly is up to you), in order to bathe your being and your body in the most excellent and nourishing climate you are able to. This - all of this - is a choice. 
Note: All underlined words in today's article can be used as searchable key words on my blog Rewiring the Soul for other articles and posts offering further explanations about these terms.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 
  


Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)



Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.

Friday, October 7, 2016

Nature's Role in the State of My Spirit


When did you start appreciating beauty? When did you start noticing what it does to you on an inner level? When did you look at something out there in nature, and feel as though your heart had just stopped for a beat because what you were looking at was so breath taking?

In my case it happened occasionally when I was still a child - I remember, for instance, staring at the beauty of the Matterhorn as I stood in a village in Switzerland that faced its majestic crags - but it didn't happen often enough for me to have many memories of consciously seeing beauty. I remember staring at the amazing beauty of postcards my father had the habit of sending me from one locale more beautiful than the next, and I saved hundreds of those postcards (that somehow mysteriously disappeared in my late 20's), but I'm not so certain that my appreciation of that beauty had to do with it, per se, or more with the fact that I wished I were there with my travel-hungry progenitor. When I was five I appreciated the glittering blue waters of the Lake of Constance below a hillside restaurant in which I sat with my parents, brother, and aunt just outside of Lindau in Germany. Later, in my early teens, I remember traveling from Switzerland to Italy and gazing mesmerized at bonfires that had been lit on August 1st - the Swiss National Day - all over the sides of the mountain across from Lugano where we were having dinner in a restaurant, and then the next day being just as mesmerized by stately villas in what appeared to be lush gardens behind high walls around Lake Como. I remember looking down on the St. Lawrence River from a high vantage point in Montreal when I was 16, snow-packed fields glistening in the sun near Gravesano in Italy when I was 18, and the Mediterranean in southern Spain a year later.

But these moments came few and far in between - they stayed with me over the decades because they had caught my attention in such a strong way - but they were anything but frequent; certainly not daily, and most definitely not something that occurred almost all the time.

Something changed - but not until I was in my 30's - when I began to consciously notice what happened to my inner energetic frequency when I communed with nature in my role of what was - at first - simply a fervent admirer. Later - by now in my 40's - I sought out beauty much more avidly, and of course, by so doing, I actually saw so much more of it. It was always there, but due to this communing with it, and seeking it out, I saw it everywhere. Copacabana and the Cristo in Rio, Chichen Itzá and the immaculate white beaches and turquoise waters in the Yucatan Peninsula. Key West, Sedona, Santa Barbara, Santa Fe, the Garden Route along the Indian Ocean, Cape Town, the Karoo Game Reserve. Palenque, Guanajuato, Acapulco, Sayil, Labnah, and Uxmal. Oman. Dubai, and so much more.

But eventually something else changed. At this point I was in my 50's. It was no longer a question of being in some exquisite place and being wowed by some exquisite view. Admittedly I have lived in some very exquisite places much of my life, but I realize I began noticing beauty anywhere and everywhere and nourished my spirit with it. I believe this happened due to an exponential increase of mindfulness in my life over the past years. The more I am present - here and now - the more I am mindful, the more I am able to "be" with beauty at all times, and the more that beauty has an effect on my inner self; on my energetic frequency, and on my spirit.

This is a gift you can also give yourself if you decide to choose it.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 
  


Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)



Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Do Your Relationship Boundaries Contribute to Your Well-Being?


Having healthy boundaries means that an individual has established visibly defined limits to the types of behavior by others (partners, children, colleagues, friends, etc.), which he/she considers permissible, and to clearly indicate the kinds of consequences that will befall the perpetrator, should those boundaries be ignored or violated.

So what does that mean?

It means you place a value on yourself. It means you honor yourself. It means you hold yourself in such high esteem, that you would “do” this for yourself.

Having established a boundary, a consequence merely says, “If you do not respect this boundary that I have established, then this will happen.” Boundaries need not be harsh or resemble an ultimatum, but they might have to, depending on the circumstances, as these examples indicate:

  • To a spouse if both work: If you do not do the marketing, I will not have time to cook dinner and we will have to eat sandwiches (this should only apply if you like sandwiches and the other person does not…because consequences are not meant to cause you problems or difficulties, only the other person…see the next example in this sense as well)
  • To an older teenage son or daughter: When you smoke marijuana in this house, you place us at legal risk and it is a fire hazard, so if you do it again, you will not be allowed to use the car for one month, but since I will not be able to drive you around, you will have to walk or use public transportation. If after that time you use marijuana again, it may happen we will need to consider whether you may continue to live in this house .
  • To a person you are dating: When you phone me at the last minute without having previously made plans with me, expecting me to drop everything in order to see you, it makes me feel as though I have no importance in your eyes, so if you do it again, I will not be available to see you.
  • From one woman to another: When you dump me two hours before a dinner date with me in order to go on a date with a man who has just given you a last-minute call, you make me feel as though you do not value our friendship, so if you do that again, I will have to re-think our relationship
  • To a chronically late employee: When you arrive late, you make the entire production line lose time, so if you continue to do it, I will begin to dock your pay by half hour increments. If it is then repeated, you will lose your job.
  • To a partner who lies: When you lie to me, I feel as though you place no importance on my feelings, so if you do that again, I will want a trial separation from you.
  • To an emotionally abusive partner: When you do such-and-such, it is very hurtful to me, so if you behave like that again, I will have to remove myself from this relationship
Don’t forget the basic tenet of establishing boundaries: if consequences are not set up, then there is no boundary. However, you might want to explain your feelings to the other person first, as in these examples, in order that he/she understands what the specific behavior does to you, your family, your health, your safety, your business, etc.

Setting boundaries is one of the first steps to psychological health because by doing this, you are clearly telling yourself that you are loved (by yourself), that you are worth it, and that you will not allow others to do unto you, as you would (hopefully) not do unto them.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 
  


Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)



Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.