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"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Judging Others - Judging Yourself


Have you ever noticed how many people are inconsiderate? How often others just don't seem to be aware of anyone but themselves?

How about the people that think they are worth more than others because their bank account is bigger? Or those that think their opinion is better than that of others because they are well-known celebrities, politicians, public figures, or hold a position of some weight?

And have you seen any of those that believe there is something special about them because they frequent a lot of social events, or because they eat at certain exclusive restaurants, or stay at up-market hotels?

What about the person who drinks too much and creates havoc on public roads? Or causes uncomfortable situations in a family's holiday reunion? The list could go on and on.

Judging other people for any of the above and many other things, is a curious phenomenon. As we judge others we are actually judging ourselves. What I mean by that is that if we feel we must judge, we automatically place ourselves in a position of "better" in some way than the other person. Examine that for a moment. Better? Better?

It may be true that others do whatever they do, but where do we come, what place in ourselves do we come from with these judgements?

Much negativity is associated with judging others, beginning with that essence of feeling somehow better or more worthy, or holier, or less materialistic, or more law-abiding, or less vain, etc. than another. So in this comparison of ourselves and the other, we lose any possibility of connection with the other. If we lose that, we lose the most precious aspect of our time here: that of discovering our connection to all of humanity.

Going back to judgement - here is a suggestion: when you find yourself judging, and if you would like to do so less often, or stop it all together, simply send the other person peace, love, blessings, or compassion in your mind and heart, and let it go. Let whatever it was that you had been judging leave your mind. You will find that your life becomes both much more simple, and much, much richer. Try it, even if only for a couple of weeks to observe its effect on you.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 
  


Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)



Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.

Monday, September 19, 2016

The Games Your Ego Plays


I've always found the ego a fascinating subject. It keeps tripping us up and before we know it, it - the ego - is making decisions for us, instead of those decisions being made by us. For me - as well as many other authors - the ego is that part of you that makes you feel as though you have to be (or are) better than another, the part of you that makes you feel as though you have to prove you are right when having a talk (or angry discussion) with someone, or that part of you that continually compares, controls, criticizes, and judges. It diminishes, it divides, it separates. In my book Rewiring the Soul I wrote: "It gives undue vale to external things and situations, and above all, the ego manipulates - not only others, but especially you -when it causes you to believe that it - the ego - above all else, and especially more than you, knows what is good and right for you." The ego will often convince you to say or do something that you did not really intend to say or do, and in the end, you do not necessarily feel better when you have let the ego take over your mind and decision-making process.

But how can you tell when it is you talking and not your ego?

Here are some simple suggestions (and if you have not yet reached this stage, they are wonderful goals to try to begin to reach towards - when you give up the need to be right, many things change:

  •  It’s impossible to argue with you
  • You can keep your cool no matter what
  • Others come to realize that you know that your opinion – even though you may stick to it through thick and thin - is not more important than theirs. That goes a long way to improving communication
  • Your ego is no longer invested in proving anything to the other person
  • You feel great no matter what the other person decides to believe
  • You don’t need to convince anyone of anything, no matter how much you believe in it
  • You can keep your belief about whatever it is you are right about, but you don’t need to be bothered about proving it to the other person
  • No more power struggles
  • You give up the need to control others’ behavior, thoughts, actions and reactions
  • You know it is preferable for both to win, not just you

In a nutshell, your life becomes a lot easier – just like that!

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 
  


Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)



Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Relationship Pain


Who hasn’t been through relationship pain? Who hasn’t curled up into a ball (even if it’s inside your head) with the pain that some element of a relationship has caused? Who hasn’t wished that a portion of the life lived could be erased, could be forgotten, that by magic some form of amnesia would take over the brain, just to not remember whatever it is that is causing the pain?

So what can be done? How does one deal with this?

Alcohol, recreational and prescription drugs, religion, praying, meditating, panic attacks, hyper-ventilating, shopping, gambling, sex, frenzied social activity, numbness sought in movies, books, etc., are some of the methods people use to self-medicate, self-soothe, and self-regulate in times of such relationship pain.

None of it really takes you anywhere. None of it is really of any lasting use. Oh, it may get you through the worst of your pain, but it doesn’t really help you deal with whatever the underlying issue may have been. The issue is not so much that there is relationship pain that was apparently caused by the actions of another person, but that you are reacting with such pain (See also my July 2006 Newsletter: I Need You…I Need You Not).

You see, when another person behaves in a way that hurts you, or does something that goes way beyond hurt, and that leaves an indelible mark on you in such a way, that you feel that you will never be the same again, then there is something inside of you – beyond the pain caused by the other – that needs attention. Basically what that means is that a good portion of your pain has to do with bits and pieces of yourself that have not yet been worked on, grown, moved forward, and healed, and then ultimately, left in the past, and that is why the actions of the other hurt so much. (See also my April 2006 Newsletter: Committed Relationships: Use Them to Grow Towards Self-Understanding and Real Love).

One of the things that needs looking at is your awareness of yourself and what it is that brought you to the place you are currently at. Another piece of the puzzle has to do with the choices you make at every step of the way: choices that you make when you act, react, feel, and think. (See also: The Mirror of Relationships). Awareness and making choices are two of the most important tools you can have in the quest for your own inner freedom, although there are others, that will be dealt with in other posts on this blog in future, such as keeping healthy boundaries and choosing happiness.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 
  


Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)



Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.

Monday, September 5, 2016

People Who Drive You Crazy


People who drive you crazy may appear in many guises in your life. You may think that if only you could get rid of them, your life would be so much easier; so much less annoying; so much more enjoyable. Yet all may not be as you think. Perhaps it is precisely these people that drive you crazy that have something for you to consider.

Think of the innocent toddler who doesn't stop asking why. That's a rather marvelous way to be driven crazy. But what about an employee who not only doesn't ask when he/she didn't understand the instructions, but who - on the next occasion that the instructions aren't understood again, and despite your request that you be asked to clarify said doubts - makes another mistake basically due to not checking with you; due to not having opened his/her mouth to ask the pertinent questions about those doubts. Regardless of whether you then decide to let him/her go, the point is that this behavior has driven you crazy. And there is something about this that bears examination.

But first let's look at a few more examples of people who drive you crazy. What about the friend (I call them 'butterfly friends') who asks you a question because he/she knows you are very knowledgeable about that particular subject, and after barely a sentence or two into your explanation, you are regularly interrupted in order to go off on a red herring, and from that point forward there's no getting back to the original subject. You are most certainly being driven crazy by this behavior and there is most definitely something about this that bears examination as well.

Another scenario might be the friend who always calls to cancel at the last minute. What about the person who smiles at you to your face, and makes you believe they are on the same page as you, and that they like you, and then whispers half-truths about you to one or two of your close friends? Or the person who is always running late? Or the one who asks you for advice and when you give it - to the best of your ability - makes it evident that you have somehow crossed a line, but won't tell you how or why? A final example of a scenario about people who drive you crazy might be the person who cuts into the conversation you're having with another without the slightest apology, and furthermore, simply continues talking. I imagine you can come up with a good number of your own examples.

As I wrote earlier, there is most definitely something to examine here. And if you're thinking that it's about asking yourself why you have such - fill-in-the-blank - friends or acquaintances, that's not it. In fact, it's precisely the presence of these people in your life who tend to drive you crazy, that allows you to learn something about yourself, and perhaps once learned, you will no longer 'need' their presence in your life. What a rather marvelous way to rid yourself of them: learn something and no longer be driven crazy. It could also happen that although they continue to be in your life, precisely due to what you have learned, their behavior simply no longer has the power to drive you crazy.

Let's look at some examples: remember that employee who doesn't understand instructions, doesn't ask you to clarify or reiterate, and hence makes mistakes? It might be that your own methods of explaining are not clear. Or perhaps it would be useful if you asked your employee to repeat the instructions directly after you give them, in order to ascertain whether he/she has understood or not. You might also need to insist that if he/she has any doubts, he then needs to immediately ask you to clarify, even if that makes him feel uncomfortable. You might explain that such questioning on his part – rather than upsetting you - would make you feel reassured that he had understood the task clearly. Perhaps your employee is very slow, but is it not possible that you assume too quickly that everyone understands and completes everything as efficiently and quickly as you do?

What about your butterfly friends? They may not have much of an attention span, but was that really why you chose them? Wasn't it much more about the purity of their hearts? About the love, caring, and tenderness they always show you? So think less about how irrational their minds are (according to you), and think more about how filled with warmth their hearts are, and how good that makes you feel.

To the friend who always cancels at the last moment? Or the person who is always running late? The one who always interrupts? Maybe it is you who needs to work on having healthier boundaries.

The person who smiles at you, letting you believe you're on the same page and then talks about you behind your back? Maybe you need to stop trying to have a great relationship with everyone. Maybe there are just some people out there who will never like you, and obviously, if they're talking about you behind your back, you certainly don't want them in your world.

The person who asks you for advice, and then doesn't like it? Maybe you need to choose your words more carefully. Or perhaps you need to choose the people to whom you offer advice more carefully - even if they're the ones who are asking.

This is all a learning process. This is all valuable. It was Pema Chodron who said: If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher. So by allowing situations like these and so many others to be ripe with opportunity as opposed to upsetting, angering, or even depressing you, learn from them, enrich yourself thanks to them, and let the other person get on with their own life. After all, you can only be in charge of yourself.

Image: Jason deCaires Taylor's underwater sculptures in Cancun, Mexico

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 
  


Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)



Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.