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"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Thursday, June 23, 2016

The Transforming Power of Anger

Anger may have a strong hold over you, gripping you in its acid-bathed tentacles. Perhaps it is related to things that happened to you when you were young, or maybe you just never learned to control it well. You might have an explosive temper 'by nature', or you might 'see red' at the slightest provocation. However it is, when anger has a strong hold over you, as long as you do nothing to countermand it, you might say you are controlled by your anger.

Not a good place to be.

Renowned thinkers over the millennia have said some very salient and eye-opening things about anger:
  • Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it on someone else; you are the one who gets burned. Buddha
  • When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger. Epictetus
  • How much more grievous are the consequence of anger than the causes of it. Marcus Aurelius
  • Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. Mark Twain
  • If you do not wish to be prone to anger, do not feed the habit; give it nothing which may tend to its increase. At first, keep quiet and count the days when you were not angry: I used to be angry every day, then every other day: next every two, next every three days! and if you succeed in passing thirty days, sacrifice to the Gods in thanksgiving. Epictetus
I have something to put out there for you today - simply in order that you give it some consideration. You might even put it on a back burner in your mind for a bit, in order that you are able to take a peek at it every so often for several days or weeks. Allow it to percolate inside you, rather than dismissing it at the outset, in order that you may - at some point in the near future - potentially reap the benefits of this thought.

And the thought is simply this: why not use your anger as a catalyst? Use it to allow you to transform yourself. Use the anger, as it arises, to practice being another. Much of this has to do with how aware you are (click on the mindfulness label under this post) in the moment that the anger arises, in order that you may begin a new self-dialogue around the anger thoughts (for nano-seconds), that will allow you to change how you now react. It's totally within your hands. You can - if you so desire - intend it. It's a choice.


Image: "Metamorphose" (bronze sculpture) found in http://www.cedip.de/kunst-edition-bronze_skulpturen-metamorphose/p1553

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 
  


Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)



Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.

Monday, June 13, 2016

Inner Peace Equals Knowing What to Ignore


Today is an unusually hot day for this time of year. Close to 40 degrees. We're having a heatwave. And it's a working day for many of us. It's made me rather uncomfortable, and caused me to think. What if what were happening had to do with a rude customer service relations person? Or what if what were happening were an aching lower back? Or what if what were happening were an argument I just had with someone close to me? Or what if what were happening were a concern about job security, paying unexpected bills, or relationship issues?

Obviously most people have somewhat - or very - uncomfortable and annoying things going on in their lives at any given moment. That's life. But how much focused attention are you putting on those things? Are you aware of the fact that the more you focus on them, the more they appear to have the power to bother you?

At what place do we find the threshold between ignoring what is going on for our own peace of mind, and allowing others, for example, to trespass your boundaries?

In the muggy weather example, it's clear. The more you ignore it, the more you decide to not pay attention to it, the less it will bother you. Focus on something else. Have cold, soothing drinks. Meditate. Decide to do a portion of your work in the cooler part of the evening, and spend the time of the greatest heat reading that book you've been putting off, or watching that documentary you have on your "to do" list. Recognize that this too, shall pass. The rude customer service relations person may need to be asked to have a better attitude, but to focus on their rudeness, and perhaps go so far as to continue thinking about how much it bothered you, will simply create a greater issue in your head. The aching lower back may need some pills. A massage. Some exercises - perhaps daily exercises for quite some time. But it also requires that you focus elsewhere. There is even some very excellent research (see the book by Dr. Norman Doidge "The Brain's Way of Healing") that indicates how much pain - even decade-long chronic pain - can be dealt with using a very focused kind of mindfulness). In the example of the person with whom I've had an argument, if they were, indeed, trespassing my boundaries, that would have to be dealt with, and most definitely NOT ignored. What you can, however, ignore, or better said, deal with mindfully, are the thoughts that arise that might make you sad, angry, guilty, or disappointed. Learn from the situation, if necessary, examine the thoughts and feelings, but don't dwell on them.

Knowing what to ignore for the sake of inner peace and well-being can be said in very simple terms:
  • accept what is (Tolle)
  • don't mind what happens (Krishnamurti)
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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 
  


Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)



Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Where Am I Now?


Asking yourself where am I now at intervals throughout your day in order to discover not so much where you are physically, but where you have gone in your mind will begin to show you how frequently you are not present here and now.

This is a problem of phenomenal proportions when we pause to consider what happens when we are not in this now moment:
  • we are concentrating on a problem or worry that is not part of what we are actually doing now, and that therefore keeps us from being present in what we are doing now

  • we are reliving past pain and hurts that keep us from being present in what we are doing now

  • we are reliving past moments of joy that keep us from being present in what we are doing now

  • we are concentrating on future possibilities - good or bad - the thought of which keeps us from being present in what we are doing now
All of these examples indicate that we have left the only place where we live, where we are, which is now.

Take a moment to recall your childhood. Especially the parts in your childhood when you were aware of time passing. Perhaps someone went on a trip and it seemed to you that they had been gone forever. My father had traveled to Europe on business when I was about seven and living in Canada. A friend of my parents came to pick me up in order that I could play with his young daughter. On the way to their house he asked me if I had heard from my father. I told him how much I missed him and that he had already been gone for about a year. The friend looked at me and said It's only been three weeks.

Of course at that age it meant little to me, but I always remembered the incident insomuch as it demonstrated to me as an adult, how malleable time is. As a child a mere three weeks seemed endless to me.

Other examples you might resonate with are summer vacations. When they started, they seemed to stretch into delicious infinity. Sometimes just one single, solitary day seemed so long, so full of possibilities.

So fast forward to now. 2016. How long does a day seem? A week? A month? Even a year? Isn't it true that now they seem to pass in a flash? Monday comes, and as much as the work week may seem onerous, before you know it, it's Friday evening. January begins, and before you know it, it's Easter, then summer, Hallowe'en, and Christmas is on us again.

What really causes this apparent speeding up of time?

Without going into any kind of scientific or quantum explanation, I'd like to offer this: as children we live totally in the now. We pay attention to what we are doing while we are doing it. When we are on a swing, that is what we are involved with, with all our being. When we are building a sand castle on the beach and collecting shells, and pebbles, seaweed, and sticks to decorate it, we are involved with this creation with all our being. When we watch a movie or read a book, we are involved with this activity with all our being.

However, as adults we tend not to be involved with what we are doing, because we are off - in our minds - elsewhere. As illustrated earlier, we are worrying about something that may never take place, or reminiscing about something that already took place, or looking forward to something that will take place once such and such happens. All of these modes of thinking mean that we are not here and now. We are escaping the now moment, either because we don't like it, or because not being in the now moment has become such a habit, that we barely know how to remain there anymore.

This is huge. If we are not in the now moment, I ask you, when do we live our life? Now is all we have, as Eckhart Tolle so aptly pointed out in his The Power of Now. And if now is all we have, does it not make sense that we learn - remember - how to remain present?

Hence the question at the beginning of this article. Get into the habit of querying yourself about where you are at this particular moment. And once you pull yourself back into it - even if it is while you are involved in an activity that gives you little stimulation or joy - attempt to remain present, to do whatever it is you are doing with a sense of awareness, and in order to determine whether you could - if you really put your mind to it - derive satisfaction even from this (whatever it is).

More importantly, when you are involved in a pleasant activity, perhaps spending time with your partner or children, or out on the golf course, or bicycling through the neighbourhood, and you ask yourself the question, if you then also find that you are elsewhere inside, you will realize how monumentally important it is that you begin to be here now. Jon Kabat-Zinn's book about mindfulness Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life is excellent for further pointers, as is Charlotte Joko Beck's Everyday Zen: Love and Work, and also Tara Bennett-Goleman's Emotional Alchemy: How the Mind Can Heal the Heart.

I encourage you to explore your now. With some patience not only will you find unaccustomed joy, but you will add years to your life, simply because you will be so much more aware at so many more now moments.

Related Articles:

Image: Nesso, Lombardy Province, Italy

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 
  


Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... AHORA en todo el mundo en Amazon (versión bolsillo y Kindle)



Note: My other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. I generally post in each of these two blogs once a week. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Also visit my Spanish & German blogs by clicking on the language links above in the MENU.