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"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Monday, March 21, 2016

How Are You Seen Through Another's Eyes?


We often fall in love with a projection, which simply means that we aren't properly aware of who the other person really is ... and what we love is not necessarily who they really are. But we don't know this and we are in love and our partner most likely is doing exactly the same thing. You can see how this might create a problem.

In one scenario you are aware that you are not the ski slope lover your new partner thinks you are, but you really want him/her to love you back, so you try to mold myself into that, and you do frequent ski trips together. Thing is, you ski relatively well, but perhaps you hate the cold. Or perhaps you enjoy the après-ski a lot more than the actual skiing, but by the time après-ski comes around, your partner is quite tired and wants to go to bed. Or - substitute football, opera, gardening, discussing politics until the wee hours of the morning, or any other activity you care to mention for skiing, and since again, you really would like your new partner to admire you, approve of you, like and love you, you allow yourself to get settled into that particular strait jacket. In time you will find this too constricting and will rebel against the strait jacket and then important and potentially difficult issues will arise when your partner begins to see the greater reality of who you really are.

In another scenario perhaps your partner views you as funny, the center of any party, or perhaps he/she sees you as a veritable Doric column of justice and rectitude or a pillar of strength. We don't know why he/she sees you that way, as said, it's often a projection, but since you are being seen that way, and you may not even be aware of it, important and difficult issues will arise when my partner's rosy-colored glasses fall and he/she sees you for who you truly are.

Other difficult things that can happen - should you have decided to 'shoulder' whatever descriptive your partner labeled you with, are that you may feel that you're living in a strait jacket as long as you feel you have to conform to that particular behavior, or you may feel resentful that you are believed to be a way you are not. It weighs heavy on you.

The point of this preamble is to encourage you to see that much as we want others to like or love us, there is great danger in not being true to ourselves in the way we present ourselves. And of course this means that in the first scenario you be as open as possible about your lack of fire for skiing or football or opera, and that in the second scenario - recognizing at least on the basis of this brief post, that it is vital to be as aware as possible at all times in your relationships - you now go about them in a much more conscious way than before in order to prevent - as much as possible - blind actions and reactions such as those described from happening, or at least, catching them as soon as possible, and then nipping them in the bud by discussing what is going on with this potentially new partner in your life. Isn't it better that he/she gets to know the real you - and perhaps even rejects that real you - than that he/she erroneously believes that you are like this or like that, when, in fact, you are not?

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


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DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhältlich als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhältlich sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

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