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"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Crossing the Dark Forest



Symbolizing the journey of awakening and spiritual quest, many writers, thinkers, poets, and philosophers, as well as spiritual leaders have made direct or oblique reference to the dark forest. One of my favorites is this quote from Joseph Campbell (The Hero's Journey: Joseph Campbell on His Life and Works - note that this link appears to take you to a new edition, although my own copy was purchased in 1992 - there is also a DVD, but it's very short):

You enter the forest
at the darkest point,
where there is no path.

Where there is a way or path,
it is someone else's path.

You are not on your own path.

If you follow someone else's way,
you are not going to realize
your potential.

This point about needing to make your own path in order to realize your potential is something I find so incredibly lacking in many current gatherings of seekers. It is precisely in the crossing of the dark forest and as you do so, in the making of your own path, that you find yourself. Whether you listen to a friend, spouse, or parent, whether it's a pastor, priest, guru, or rabbi, whether you participate in support groups, satsangs, or weekly discussion groups, think about what you begin to believe, practice, and follow, and search deeply inside to ensure that it is connected to you, and not just to the person who is telling you about it.

You may need to listen to many such speakers, read many books, and cross many desperately black places in your dark forest, before you can even begin to understand what your own path is all about. Beware of accepting too quickly what others espouse, and allow yourself time (and discover your own strength and courage) as you cross the dark forest. 

That path which you then forge, and that person you then discover and connect to within yourself, will greatly influence your behavior in your relationships, but again, if you don't have that path and you have not yet discovered who you are, to what extent do your relationships truly allow you to show yourself and be yourself? This path is very much a tao, and this tao leads to immense possibilities of growth and understanding, deepening and awakening.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Monday, January 11, 2016

Telling Yourself the Truth


Asking the question whether you tell yourself the truth, implies that you may be lying to yourself. If you lie to yourself, the important thing is to know in which areas of your life you do so. Only then, by becoming aware of, recognizing, acknowledging, and taking on responsibility for these “lies”, can you in fact do something about them. It is also necessary to understand why they even became part of your life. Some of them may have formed part of the tapestry of your life for decades, some may be recent, and some may serve a protective function. Nevertheless, wherever, however, and for whatever reason you lie to yourself, in those areas of your life where you do it, the lies take away your power and energy.

Here are some examples of "truths" you may tell yourself, and you may notice that they overlap:

My emotional life is good, but you do not face the fact that your emotions play havoc with your life because you:
  • have poor boundaries with your partner
  • are being manipulated by your mother
  • are being energetically vampirized by your “best” friend
  • allow your colleague at work to take advantage of you
  • do not really have a connection to your own emotions because you always keep a “safe” distance from your partner emotionally, even if you are married and have two children
Also read:
I am in charge of myself – I have a good grip on myself, but you do not face the fact that you allow your inner well-being to sink when outer circumstances are less than perfect, for example when:
  • your partner is upset with you
  • your job is on the line due to down-sizing
  • your health is threatened
  • you are dealing with an obstinate teen
Also read:
I am able to speak clearly and openly with the important people in my life, but you do not face the fact that you generally fail to say what is truly on your mind, and you tell yourself that it is so because:
  • you wish to spare the other’s feelings
  • you wish to be kind
  • you wish to keep the peace
Also read:
My physical problems have nothing to do with anything that is going on in my emotional life, but you do not face the fact that if there is nothing wrong organically with your body, as your doctor has told you over and over again, it means that these symptoms are trying to tell you something about your emotional life:
  • your headaches
  • your back pain
  • your nausea
  • the chronic lump in your throat
  • the tooth grinding at night
  • the pain in your stomach
Also read:
My intuitive feelings have nothing to do with my reality, but you do not face the fact that on so many occasions, your intuition gave you a much clearer truth than the thoughts from your rational brain, and so you paid no attention to:
  • the “not-so-good” feeling you had when you met someone, and thus began a relationship with that person and it turned out badly
  • the inner “voice” that told you not to go out that evening, and thus had an accident
  • the “feeling” at the back of your neck that you should duck, and thus a pot from an upper apartment fell on you
Also read:
Understand that where we hold on to something rigidly, in this case a belief that all is well, when it is not, in other words, it is a lie we are telling ourselves – consciously or sub-consciously - we need energy to keep that lie in place. We need energy and power to keep believing something – we might call it the status quo – in order to avoid leaving our comfort zone about this particular element or issue in our life and to change something about it.

Here are two examples taken from real life (names have been changed):

  1. John is a lawyer who takes on a case for Rachel who is a friend. Rachel begins to question John about some of the things he has been telling her about the case, and despite John’s plausible answers, Rachel starts digging, and comes back to John with proof that what he said is mistaken. Not that John lied, but that somehow he made a mistake. At this point – at least theoretically – John has the choice to own up to his mistake, or to continue in a belief about himself that is not wrong, i.e. that he made no mistake. Perhaps he even finds some obscure law to back up this belief and show it to Rachel. Rachel in fact wishes to continue believing in John – as a friend and as a professional, and so takes it as the truth, but the same thing occurs again – she finds something that indicates that what John has told her is at best a mistake, and at worst, an outright lie to cover up the first mistake. This time John loses his temper and shouts at Rachel, telling her she knows nothing about the law and that she should stop questioning him, because he is an expert in the field and has been doing this type of work for decades. Perhaps at this point it is no longer possible – or cost-effective - for Rachel to change lawyers and thus she and John are married to each other for the duration of the case. But not only is the friendship one of the fatalities of John not telling himself the truth, but he is also a fatality of it because he now has an even heavier load of non-truths about himself to continue telling himself and to continue holding in place. As I said, this takes away one’s power and energy. 
  1. One day Sheila tells Margaret that she never has anything positive to say about Sheila, and that therefore Sheila is no longer comfortable with Margaret. Sheila is essentially telling Margaret that she is reconsidering the friendship. Sheila gives Margaret numerous examples of occasions when this happened just as she says. Margaret offers rebuttal after rebuttal, and essentially defends herself by going on the offensive. Sheila then disappears from Margaret’s life, and Margaret continues to defend herself. Who is telling the truth? In all probability, Margaret may need to examine what her inner stories about herself to herself are because again, in order to keep them in place, in order to continue believing in them, she has an ever-growing burden of non-truths about herself to hold in place. This takes away one’s power and energy. 
So what can you do? This is not an easy one. If you don’t see it – in other words, if you don’t see the places in your life where you lie to yourself -  then all you will see is that you are the victim of circumstance, or that others judge you, or don’t understand you, etc. It will make you sad or angry or depressed. Those emotions may be your clue that something needs to be examined. If you did not feel that way, if you felt ok with whatever is going on, it might be indicative that you are in fact, not lying to yourself. But if you go on and on about it to anyone who will listen, to explain how right you are and how much the other/s is/are wronging you, then the probability that you are not telling yourself the truth about yourself escalates. If you then are willing to examine this objectively, you might get somewhere, and in so doing, get your power and energy back. This – as so much else I have written about in these articles over the last six years, will lead to inner peace and freedom, but it requires much courage.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram