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"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Monday, October 19, 2015

Joy: A Fundamental Key to Your Happiness


Who holds the key to your happiness? Or perhaps I should ask what holds the key to your happiness? In the first instance, it is a specific (or more than one specific) human being that holds the key to your happiness. Perhaps your partner without whom you are incapable of being happy. Or your child, adult or small. Or perhaps your parent, or even a pet. In the second instance, it is a something that holds the key to your happiness. This can be something material, such as the balance in your bank account or portfolio, or the size and location of your home, or it could be your youth, your strength, your professional situation, your social position, and so on.

In all instances, you derive your happiness from an outer source, the key to your happiness lies without and not within.

Perhaps you can see the problem with that. People can let you down, leave you, or die. Material things can disappear, as can youth, professional and social positions. If any of that happens, and if the key to your happiness lies there, then what are you going to do? And please don't answer that then you will implement Plan B.

Recognizing that happiness first needs to come from the inside out is your path out of the above dilemma. Starting to walk on that path requires conscious awareness of a desire or intention to begin to love yourself. The more you love yourself, the more you will be able to find happiness on the inside and will notice - perhaps to your surprise - that you no longer need to find it on the outside, or at least, that you will no longer look for it on the outside.

In my book Rewiring the Soul I wrote: The less you love yourself the more likely it is that you believe another holds the key to your happiness.

Imagine one of your friends shows up in a new Audi Spider that you've secretly coveted for years, another friend has dropped 20 pounds, something that you've been trying to do unsuccessfully for such a long time, and yet another just landed a deal to expand his/her business that will net millions over the next few years. You read about someone you've never even heard of who signed a record deal recently and now the hit single on the first CD has hit the charts not nationally, but globally ... it went viral. Your best friend of many years never seems to stop going out, another continually fills your ears with how wonderful life is, and a third can't stop talking about the children or grandchildren and how intelligent or successful or proactive they are. An acquaintance met a wealthy widow / widower and is now getting married, the son/daughter of another friend was just promoted to Vice President of the company he/she works for, your golfing neighbour just started going out with an incredibly gorgeous woman about 20 years younger than you, and of course the list of all the good stuff that happens to others goes on and on. And not only does it go on and on, but it's been happening that way every since you can remember. Always.

And although a part of you is happy (truly happy) for them, there is another part of you that is envious, or feels jealousy, depending on the situation. You're aware of it. You don't particularly like feeling envy or jealousy, but there it is, it pops up all the time when you hear of the good fortune that happens to others. These thoughts are the breeding-ground for your unhappiness. The more they (the thoughts) occur, the more your habit of having those thoughts and hence your unhappiness grows. These are most definitely not thoughts of joy.

Here's what you can do: first, become aware (as you probably already are) that this is happening. Acknowledge that is does you no good. All the bacteria of those thoughts continually spread to infest you with unhappiness. Clearly, the thoughts must be tackled. Probably you are thinking that since they pop up unannounced and not because you 'will' them into being, there is little you can do about them. But there is. They have become a habit that started years, perhaps even decades ago. And all you have to do is rid yourself of that habit, much as you might rid yourself of the habit of exploring a chipped corner of a tooth in your mouth with your tongue. At the beginning you would simply explore, but as time goes by, your tongue develops a very sore spot on the place where it hits the chipped tooth. It hurts. So now you pull back consciously each time your tongue wants to go there, and soon enough, your tongue stops doing it. You do this because you engage your conscious mind into stopping the process because of the pain it produces.

In the case of the thoughts of envy and jealousy that lead to unhappiness, you do exactly the same thing. As you hear of the wonderful thing that is happening to someone else, and you notice the thoughts of envy or jealousy arising, you have a short inner dialogue. You ask yourself whether you wish to pursue that thought. Probably the answer is no, because you are already aware of the fact that those thoughts only lead you to unhappiness. You may need to have a brief battle, because it may be that a part of you wishes to engage in the thought (what Eckhart Tolle would call the pain body), but you can win that battle, just as you were able to win the battle over your tongue.

So now you had the thought, but you curtailed it. It lost a bit of its strength. You go on to something else. The next time envy or jealousy arise, you do exactly the same. And again and again and again. As you do this, the strength of the neural pathways that have to do with this particular habit will diminish. Eventually the habit will cease. All you have to do is remain conscious enough to practice this. And of course you have to want it. It's that easy. And you open the path to joy.

Imagine children jumping for joy. It's an image we often associate with children (or animals), but not so often with ourselves. When is the last time you jumped like that? Or even if you are elderly or confined to a wheelchair, when is the last time you felt like jumping like that?

So what has happened to us? I certainly remember jumping for joy as a child and now, as a boomer, my jumps tend to be more in my head, but I feel great joy with simple things ... such as having a wonderful coffee in the morning in a spot with a fabulous view (and that can be the view out of my French windows), but it can also be the view I imagine myself seeing on my Facebook posts where over the past while, I have posted myself enjoying a virtual coffee at a different spot in the world each day. I can also experience great joy as I unfold a newspaper in front of that coffee and settle down to read it (somehow, I have noticed, the joy is not as intense if the newspaper is virtual, in my smartphone, that allows me to view the world's press, along with the coffee, but the joy is not the same as feeling the actual paper in my hands). Other things that bring me great joy are setting out for a weekend drive with a friend (even if it's a short one of 30-60 minutes) into the unknown, or into the countryside, or up into the mountains, or along the Mediterranean, here where I live. I also experience joy as I open a new book, drive to the airport to pick up one of my sons (that's one of the greatest joys!), or as I contemplate an upcoming holiday. Joy comes as well as I savor the aroma of freshly-baked bread (even if I don't partake), the perfume of jasmine, or the unmistakable childhood smells of freshly-mown grass.


As you see, my joys are simple. I could list others that cost money or are complicated and involved to achieve, but the fact is, because my joys are so simple to attain, I can have them every day. And having joy every day, mentally jumping for joy every single day, should be on your to-do list in the same taken-for-granted way as you brush your teeth and have a shower. Abraham states: The standard of success in life isn't the things. It isn't the money or the stuff, it is absolutely the amount of joy you feel and I totally agree.

Are you feeling joy today?

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Why Do You Only Love Those That You Love?


Love can be as broad or narrow as you make it. Love can be all-encompassing or elitist. Love can include everyone or only a select few. Love can be a choice. Love is not just chemistry and something that 'just happens', or something that has to do with family and close friends. Love - due to its potential magnitude and significance in our lives, its effect on our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being, and growth is a subject I have written about frequently, and you can find numerous articles about it on my website and blogs.

Life is meant for the living (nothing new there), and living - really living - implies loving. Loving implies showing you love, which we all do in a myriad number of ways, by physical demonstrations, by kindnesses, by gentleness, by nurturing, by giving gifts, by giving help, by caring for someone in times of illness or ill fortune, by saying certain words and making certain gestures, by showing joy when we reunite with people we love whom we don't always see, by doing unexpected loving things for someone who is not always at our side, and so on.

We know all this ... so what's the point???

Do it.

That is the point. We know it all and yet we so often neglect to do it simply because we don't have the time, or we're tired, or something else comes in the way. And yet a loving smile or gesture can mean so much to the one who receives it.

Do it. Never stop doing it, show your love to those you love.

And you know, there is an added benefit...it makes you feel better too, and, according to all the studies I have mentioned in previous posts here and in articles discussing happiness on my website, the mere action of being loving gives you happiness as well.

But let's examine a much more vital point that you may wish to consider: if you have read my previous articles and posts about the concept of intertwined molecules, you may have come to realize that we are all indeed one ... humanity is not a mass of separate beings (rich, poor, black, white, first world, third world, young, old, good neighbourhood, wrong side of the tracks, and so on), but a mass of intertwined molecules ... we have cutting-edge quantum physics to thank for these insights, and that of course, begs the question: why only love those that we love?

If you think that is a strange question, consider that loving only those that you feel emotionally close to, automatically implies that all others are 'out there'; are 'others' - it's 'them' and 'us', and thinking in this manner will never ever lead us to any kind of common humanity, kindness and compassion, because it will always mean that it's the Palestinians against the Jews, or the Christians against the Arabs, or the Protestants against the Catholics, or white against black, or Socialist against Conservative, or Republican against Democrat, or the haves against the have-nots, or the young against the old, or the thin against the fat, or the educated against the college drop-outs, or those that managed to get themselves a membership in the country club against those that did not, or those that like opera, theatre, classic music, or art against those that do not, and so on. There will never be a true end to these differences that exist among us all in this global community if something drastic on a very fundamental level in each and every one of us does not change. It was Gandhi who said: be the change you wish to see in the world, and that is precisely what it is implicit in my article this month.

This is not an impassioned plea for some puerile and idealistic version of hippie love, but a cry for awakening. I'm not pretending that I have woken up and that you, who read this, need to do the same. We all need to wake up. If we want to change this world of ours, if we want peace, freedom, dignity, food, water, and education for all, it needs to begin with each of us. Instead of merely loving those with whom we have an emotional connection - instead of only loving those that we love - could we not begin to think more broadly and move ourselves into a new paradigm of what love really means? Could we not conceivably love all?

All it really requires is a slight shift in our thinking … and a willingness to do this.

***************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Stop the Vicious Circle in Your Head: 3 Tips


Your thoughts are your vicious circle. They keep going around and around. Especially when something has upset you. And in the process of going around and around, you generally feel even worse. Nothing gets resolved, but you notice that your emotional state has worsened at each step of the vicious circle's way.

These tips that will help you deal with this vicious circle of thoughts are quite easy to implement if you choose to follow them and continue following them, when the thoughts re-emerge. Nothing will change if you try it once and then decide that because the thoughts do pop up again, the process has not worked. Remember: when you learned how to ride a bike, you probably fell off a couple of times first.

Tip 1: Become aware of the fact that you are having ruminating, revolving thoughts about a subject that is making you feel incrementally worse. Without this awareness, you will not be able to 'grab hold' of your thoughts, so to speak, in order to do something about them. In order to be aware, you may need to put up reminders for a few days, that jolt you into awareness: a few post-it's, perhaps, each saying: what am I thinking? 

Tip 2: Now that you have your thoughts at the front of your head, so to speak, because you have remembered to be aware of them, ask yourself if you wish to continue ruminating. Let's imagine it's a health problem. Or work-related. Or financial. Or your relationship is rocky. All are major issues that many of us go through, but no matter how important they are, if you allow them to dictate your thoughts into toxicity, you will only make matters worse. So recognize that one thing is to give some predetermined 'proactive time' to your thoughts in order to see whether the problem can be solved, perhaps by brain-storming, researching, consulting with someone, but then, once that proactive time is over (and you will need to tell yourself each day how long you allow yourself to PROACTIVELY (not in a toxic way) think about this issue), then you need to agree with yourself that ruminating, worry-filled, fearful and stressful thoughts about that particular subject are no longer allowed today. So in this second tip what needs to be done, each and every time the thoughts rise up in you (and they will), is some method of changing that well-worn rut in your brain - that habit - that neural pathway, to a new one. A very simple way to do this is to focus on beauty, for example, notice a beautiful plant, or tree, or the sky, or clouds, or an animal in your surroundings. Then allow yourself to be grateful for that beauty in your life right now, as you focus on it, and really see its beauty, and then notice a mild sensation of peace in your solar plexus. This occurs because just for a moment you have moved yourself from past or future time to now time, and while you are present in now time, you can't focus on past or future fears, pains, and worries.

Tip 3: At this point, after tip #2, you may feel marginally better, but since you probably have little practice at doing this, you will need something else, to keep your mind in a better place than in that vicious circle of thoughts. On my other blog Rewiring the Soul  you will find a list of links on the right sidebar if you scroll down far enough. In there, you will find many suggestions of sites that offer motivating or inspiring talks, articles, videos, etc. Even if you choose something that is an hour or longer, just sit and listen or watch or read for 10 or 15 minutes. This will help you not only keep the thoughts at bay, but begin to create new neural pathways that will help you do this more easily each time you try.

Finally, when the thoughts come again, as they will (at least for a time), repeat the above process. If you can't afford to do the third step each time due to the activity you are engaged in (work, home, family, etc.), at least do the first two steps, and then, as you engage in the activity you have at hand, try to be as mindful while you do so, as possible. This too will begin to change your brain and will help you feel better than if you engage in the activity plus ruminate. There is a great deal of material about this in both my blogs, on my website in the newsletter articles, as well in both of my books. I encourage you to give it a try. Learning to do this is not hard, and it can literally change your life.

Image: Ouroboros or Uroboros - an ancient symbol depicting a serpent or dragon eating its own tail.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Monday, October 5, 2015

Love & the Formless


What do you fall in love with when you fall in love? Might it be a character trait? A twinkle in the other's eye? That jet black hair? Those blue eyes? Being so self-assured? The way he/she dances? The cosmopolitan air of the world-traveler? That incredible cooking? The constant smile on his/her lips? The palpable need to make a difference? Financial stability? Such erudition? So well-read? Such an outstanding tennis player? So tender?

Would you agree with me that much of the above is related to something material? Not, I hasten to add, just to money per se, but to something that is more related with how an individual lives his life, as opposed to how he is beyond the material. Let me explain a bit more. Much of what a person becomes as he is raised into adulthood has to do with the outer, material world - the world of form. That is eminently logical, because we live in a world of form. We tend to look for our joy, our satisfaction, our success, and our happiness in that world of form. How could we not?

But as we grow, we may come to realize that we are no longer able to find all of that in the world of form. Somehow the world of form has taken on a more empty aspect, and we need to continue to look for different, or greater areas of form, through which to source that joy, satisfaction, success, and happiness that we were once able to find, and now so desperately seek to regain.

Of course this doesn't happen to everyone, because not everyone gets to this point of understanding. Lest you think I'm separating 'us' from 'them', please don't. For some of us the time is right to reach greater understanding, but none of those for whom the time is not yet right, deserve any manner of judgement or criticism from us - they are simply at a place at which we found ourselves as well at an earlier time, and they haven't yet caught up to our place. It's not up to you to decide the excellence or the goodness of someone based on how far they have come in their inner growth. That is their business. It is your business to concern yourself with your inner growth. You would no more look down on a child in grade one just because you are already in university, than you should look down on someone who has not yet understood the central idea of this post.

So here you are: you have recognized that the world of form is simply no longer supplying you with that which you used to derive from it. So you begin another kind of search that is no longer based on form. You look within. You seek within. You begin to connect to yourself in ways you had never even realized were possible. You may begin to meditate or practice mindfulness. You may begin to separate yourself from much that once was very important to you, simply because you realize it is part of the world of form, and you are more interested in that which is formless. And you begin to realize that there is a much greater sensation of joy, satisfaction, success, and happiness when you focus on it from that inner point of view ... from the formless.

Now consider that you also begin to assimilate the idea that this person with whom you fell in love (of whom I made mention in the initial paragraph of this post), is filled with (if I may used such a contradictory analogy) the formless, just as you are. And that this formless element of the beloved is so much more who or what they really are, than all those other, more material aspects, with which you - initially - fell in love. And this formless element of the beloved is so much greater than all the rest. And that you can now - as can they - begin the process of falling in love with the formless in them. This is the miracle of spiritual partnerships, about which I wrote an entire book (get an excerpt here). Eckhart Tolle states most beautifully: Love is the recognition of the formless in the other.

Image credit: Wallpaper Wide

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Recognizing Interesting Confrontations


Judging everything that occurs over the course of a day is tiresome, to say the very least. This is good, that is bad, this is helpful, that is not. This is interesting, that is boring, this makes me happy, that makes me sad.

Likewise criticizing everything that occurs over the course of a day is the stuff of making your life miserable. That person is rude to me, the weather is not warm enough, the way people drive in this horrendous traffic is so aggressive, the maìtre'd at the restaurant we went to last night is so condescending, the doctor believes he knows it all and is very arrogant.

What if you were to look at it from the point of view that you are here to experience? That means that you have many opportunities (in whatever guise they appear in your life) to learn and grow. Some opportunities are delightful and others are not at all delightful, but if you were to make up your mind to view them all as brilliant opportunities that appear in your life not because you have bad or good luck, but because you can use each of them to grow, then of course your inner reaction to them would be very different.

When you learn to play a sport or a musical instrument, or learn to speak a new language, or learn to use new software or a new digital device, you know there is a learning curve. You are prepared for it. You are very aware of the fact that if you want to become proficient, you need to ascend that learning curve. This is no different. Your life also has a learning curve. Or do you want to remain the way you are today forever?

Image: San Miguel de Allende, Mexico

***************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram