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"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Monday, June 29, 2015

Do You Decide How You Feel or is it Another?


The extent to which your feelings are influenced by sources external to yourself is generally not appreciated until you make a decision to become aware of it. Undoubtedly you know that if you watch a horror film, you might feel frightened, causing your adrenalin levels to rise, just as though whatever is happening in the film were happening to you in real life, but you may think of it less obviously regarding the many other elements that influence you.
  • when you receive an email from a friend filled with beautiful images of the earth accompanied  by words that make you appreciate the glory of our world, and then the images catapult into others of garbage-strewn shanty towns and slums, or plastic-filled oceans, with the message indicating what we, as the population that fills the earth have done to occasion this, you may feel sad or guilty or ashamed.
  • when you hear about children dying of malnutrition or disease in sub-Saharan Africa, similar feelings may flood you
  • when you watch a sad love story depicted in a movie, such as the famous Love Story, or Bridges of Madison County, you feel sad. In fact, you may even cry.
  • when you see a film such as Temple Grandin (about the life of a woman who overcomes autism - not in the sense that she is no longer autistic, but in the sense that she creates a wonderful life for herself despite being autistic), or a similar film The Horse Boy about a young autistic boy who is taken to Mongolia by his parents to see if shamans there can cure him - you may feel elated at the end of the film
  • when your ex-spouse tells you yet another reason why you need to do things differently with the way you are raising the child you have in common and who happens to live with you, you may be filled with rage, frustration, or pain
  • when you hear the news anchor recounting yet another massacre in yet another country, or another suicide bomber who has ended the lives of dozens, you probably feel awful, stunned or outraged
  • when you hear that your best friend has been diagnosed with malignant stomach cancer, you feel sad, perhaps angry, fearful and a host of other emotions
If, however, you are truly awake, conscious and aware, you will notice these emotions, and then you will decide what to do about them. And before you call me a loveless cretin, who needs to learn something about compassion, bear with me.

A good one to have a look at is the one where one ex-spouse appears to be criticizing the other. The flood of negative feelings that arise are explained to the self by virtue of what the other has said. And then it probably snow-balls because now you will also say some choice things, or use a choice tone of voice. And all of it is being explained to yourself on the basis of blame. When we blame, we almost always do so because we feel something negative for which we are not taking responsibility. That means that it is another's words or behavior that decides how you feel ... not you. Wouldn't you prefer to be in charge of your own emotions? In order for that to work, you will need to become fully aware and conscious at all times, and you will have to accept full responsibility for yourself and your emotions as well as how you choose to react to what others say and do.

Let's examine the one about your friend who has been diagnosed with malignant stomach cancer. That is, perhaps, one of the biggest on my sample list above of outside sources emotion-influencing because it's closest to you. Of course you will feel one or more of the indicated emotions at first glance. But then you get to choose, if you are aware. And the better you choose, the more you will help your friend. The more you allow emotions to rule your initially negative reactions to the news of the cancer diagnosis, the less you will be able to help your friend. However, should you decide to react with strength and love for your friend, deciding to treat your friend as though he/she continued to be the same as before the diagnosis, in the sense that the diagnosis is not what now labels their existence, but simply one aspect of their existence, that admittedly, needs to be dealt with, but should not define who they are, then your presence in this person's life will be of much greater value, than if you sat at their bedside with a serious demeanour, and held their hand.

Feeling elated at the end of the two movies about autism is obviously a much more positive emotion, and yet, if you think about it, as you palpate it within yourself, under ideal circumstances, you should be able to create such good feelings by yourself. I'm not suggesting you don't watch movies or read things that make you feel good - quite the contrary, I'm a great proponent of doing precisely that - but that you begin to train yourself to keep yourself in that good place without necessarily needing other sources (than yourself) or depending on other sources.

Said in a nutshell: neither should external sources cause your emotions to go into a sharp decline, nor should you need to depend on them in order to maintain them in a state of equanimity. This, of course, brings us full circle to what I wrote about in Happiness is Bad?. I quoted:
  • Happiness: not minding what happens (Krishnamurti)
  • Happiness: accepting what is (Tolle)
  • Enlightenment: the quiet acceptance of what is (Dyer)
If you don't mind what is; if you accept what is, then neither negative nor positive emotions will hold sway over you. This is not about giving up, nor is it about apathy. It's about equanimity, and equanimity equals inner well-being.

Image: "Sun & Life" by Frida Kahlo, 1947

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming shortly)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher demnächst auf Deutsch
Mis libros en español próximamente

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher weltweit demnächst auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.


Thursday, June 25, 2015

Offering Love Despite Being Hurt


What do you do when someone hurts your feelings? How do you react when someone shows you that they disapprove of you? What do you say when someone insults you? In all of these instances, the 'someone' I'm referring to, is someone you love. I'm not even going to the place where this happens with someone out there with whom you have little relationship. Let's first - in today's post - just discuss it in terms of those you love or care for. So you've been hurt, maligned, disapproved of, criticized, judged to be lacking in some way, ridiculed, compared to another who does whatever it is you are attempting better, and insulted. You've been misunderstood and you very much feel unloved. What do you do?

Spiritual guidelines suggest that this is a good place to initiate a practice of loving or showing love despite all of this. This does not mean you should accept abuse and it also does not mean you should allow others to step all over your boundaries. But it does mean that you can react lovingly. Compassionately. You can react from a space where you are aware of the fact that none of us has achieved full enlightenment, and without that we are prone not only to all that has been heaped on you just now, but also prone to the primordial reaction that has arisen out of your self.  No one suggests this is easy. What it is, however, is a way to practice becoming more of what you are.

What a glorious goal to reach for! If you were a piece of coal and somehow knew you could become a brilliant piece of gold by passing through fire, would you not wish to undergo that process of transformation? And if you furthermore learned that it lies entirely in your own hands, would that not make you even more eager to begin the process right now? What is stopping you? Think about it. The thing that is most likely interfering with your decision to do this is your ego - the part of you that wants to be right, better, and more than another. And if that is what is stopping you, it already tells you that your 'coal' part could really use some polishing. Another part of you that may be stopping you, is your lack of self-love. Without a measure of self-love, it is very hard to be compassionate and loving with others. David Deida wrote: spiritual practice is the capacity to offer your love even when you feel hurt, closed down, tense, angry, misunderstood or hated.

Image: Hatley Gardens, Colwood, California

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher demnächst auf Deutsch
Mis libros en español próximamente

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher weltweit demnächst auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.


Tuesday, June 23, 2015

How Do You Know It's Your Ego Talking & Not You?


I've always found the ego a fascinating subject. It keeps tripping us up and before we know it, it - the ego - is making decisions for us, instead of those decisions being made by us. For me - as well as many other authors - the ego is that part of you that makes you feel as though you have to be (or are) better than another, the part of you that makes you feel as though you have to prove you are right when having a talk (or angry discussion) with someone, or that part of you that continually compares, controls, criticizes, and judges. It diminishes, it divides, it separates. In my book Rewiring the Soul I wrote: "It gives undue vale to external things and situations, and above all, the ego manipulates - not only others, but especially you -when it causes you to believe that it - the ego - above all else, and especially more than you, knows what is good and right for you." The ego will often convince you to say or do something that you did not really intend to say or do, and in the end, you do not necessarily feel better when you have let the ego take over your mind and decision-making process.

But how can you tell when it is you talking and not your ego?

Here are some simple suggestions (and if you have not yet reached this stage, they are wonderful goals to try to begin to reach towards - when you give up the need to be right, many things change:
  •  It’s impossible to argue with you
  • You can keep your cool no matter what
  • Others come to realize that you know that your opinion – even though you may stick to it through thick and thin - is not more important than theirs. That goes a long way to improving communication
  • Your ego is no longer invested in proving anything to the other person
  • You feel great no matter what the other person decides to believe
  • You don’t need to convince anyone of anything, no matter how much you believe in it
  •  You can keep your belief about whatever it is you are right about, but you don’t need to be bothered about proving it to the other person 
  • No more power struggles
  • You give up the need to control others’ behavior, thoughts, actions and reactions
  • You know it is preferable for both to win, not just you
 In a nutshell, your life becomes a lot easier – just like that!

Photo Credit: Amazing Wallpapers

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming shortly)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher demnächst auf Deutsch
Mis libros en español próximamente

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher weltweit demnächst auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.


Friday, June 19, 2015

Are There Manipulative "Vampire" Bits in You?


Most of the articles I've written about boundaries here on this blog, on my other one, as well as my website, deal with them from the point of view of the person whose boundaries are not healthy, and are in some fashion being trespassed.

Today I'd like to offer some words for those people (maybe you?) who perhaps have not yet recognized themselves as trespassers of others' boundaries. Have a look at the following and see if any of it sounds familiar:
  • My friend (or family member) is so unkind (or uncaring, or cold) because although he/she knows I am going through a very difficult situation, I just don't get any support when I call to talk about it. (Have you perhaps been calling every day in order to recount the day's drama? Or have you been relying on this person to help you get out of a low mood? Have you given any thought to the fact that you are draining them? It's one thing for your friend to offer support, and quite another thing to become your priest/counselor/mother/father all wrapped up into one).
  • My friend is being hostile to me just because I forgot we were going to lunch and phoned in the last minute to say I couldn't get there. (Have you perhaps done this quite a few times already? Have you literally demonstrated to your friend how little you seem to respect the friendship by this kind of behavior? Have you considered that your friend needs to look after his/her own well-being by letting you know you are out of line? And have you considered that by believing he/she is being hostile by calling you on your behavior has much more to say about you than your friend?).
  • I have difficulty with (directions, computers, reading sheet music, hammering nails into the wall ... you name it ... we all have difficulty with something), but my friend is downright cruel. I asked him/her for help with __________ and got a total refusal to help me. Can you believe how unkind he/she is? (Have you considered that your friend has shown you how to do whatever it is you have problems with many times? have you considered that perhaps it became your own responsibility to look after your 'learning' of this activity, or of figuring out some way of helping yourself to do it, despite your difficulty, and that it certainly is no longer your friend's responsibility to do so?).
  • I thought my friend was generous and kind and now look at him/her: all I asked was for a very small favor, and I was told no. (Have you considered that perhaps you have taken and taken from this friend and now he/she has had it and no longer wants to give?).
  • I've done so much for my friend and now he/she scarcely returns my calls and doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with me. (Have you considered that while it may be true that perhaps you helped them get settled when they moved to your city, or you were kind to them when they were in bed with the flu that time in 1990, or you asked them to join an exclusive club you were already a member of, it is also true that what you expected in return for these kindnesses was so great - as in eternal gratitude, or continual availability, or being included in all your friend's activities, that you have made him/her feel smothered and strangled and therefore they had to get a healthy distance from you).
While my no means conclusive, some of these questions may cause you to look at yourself in new ways. That is good. Or perhaps they have angered you. That is also good because - as Jung stated nearly a century ago - strong affect (emotion) is always a red flag about something that requires looking at with a clear and objective eye, free of all blindness with regards to your own behavior.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher demnächst auf Deutsch
Mis libros en español próximamente

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher weltweit demnächst auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.


Wednesday, June 17, 2015

All Those Bad Things That Never Happen



Isn't it awful to have to worry? Worry is terribly debilitating. Furthermore, scientists have demonstrated that worry, as many other negative emotions, lower not only our immune system, but also the general state of our health and well-being. Wouldn't you rather spend your time doing something different?

What happens to make you worry? Obivously, many things that are causing a problem in your life. Relationships, profession, family, children, money, health, etc.

And what happens when we worry? We feel worse and worse, or angrier and angrier. Worry in and of itself solves nothing,. Wayne Dyer has offered to teach workshops on worrying, if anyone can prove that worrying will make the problem less problematic, or make it disappear. I join him in that offer. Mark Twain said: I've had lots of worries in my life, most of which never happened. Churchill said almost the very same thing.

Clearly, worrying is of no use. Problem-solving or brain-storming, done for limited periods of time, can be of use, but the magic word here is limited, because if the time used is not limited, more worrying will probably ensue.

So why do we worry? Why do we paint all these worst-case scenarios in our head? We continue to believe either that:

a) worry will solve or alleviate the problem

or

b) we must worry, because if we have a problem, how can we not worry? This is akin to the Puritan Work Ethic insofar as I am not a responsible human being if I don't worry when there is a problem. How can I laugh or enjoy myself, if there is a problem?

This is a very important topic, and I have posted other articles about one's frame of mind when there are problems.

In the meantime, let me leave you with this thought: think back over all the times you have worried in your life. About all those worst-case scenarios you imagined.

How many of them actually came to be? How many of those problems were solved thanks to the amount of time you spent worrying and the intensity with which you undertook that project?

Isn't it true that you tortured yourself for nothing? Motivate yourself with that knowledge in order to make better choices in the future and make the intention to not worry but to problem-solve and brain-storm for limited periods of time, in order to give yourself a greater measure of inner freedom.

Image: Heidelberg
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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher demnächst auf Deutsch
Mis libros en español próximamente

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher weltweit demnächst auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.


Monday, June 15, 2015

Being Disconnected From the Stream


A wonderful quote from Abraham came across my path recently (understand stream as that which impels you forward on an energetic level, i.e. when you are feeling low or depressed, you would be going against the stream, or you would be disconnected from the stream):

If you decide to make someone the enemy and you're pushing very hard against them, you don't affect them at all, but you disconnect yourself from the Stream. If someone cheats you, they cannot diminish your experience. They only diminish their experience. You cannot be diminished by someone cheating you unless you get all upset about being cheated and push against them and use that as your excuse to disconnect from the Stream.

That quote reminded me of something that happened years ago when my sons were little boys. If we passed someone begging on the street, I always gave them each some coins to give to that person. Occasionally if we were accompanied by someone else (an adult), I might be admonished by that person, telling me that what I was doing was silly, because the person begging would in all likelihood, use that money to buy wine or something worse.

My reply was always the same: that's on them. It's their responsibility. But it's on me if I let them go hungry when I could help them.

And that, of course, speaks to my energy. When you fully love yourself, you will not only do what is best for that inner space of peace, harmony, and freedom, but you will also find it easy to choose the kind, the caring, and the loving path with other sentient beings.

Image: San Miguel de Allende

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher demnächst auf Deutsch
Mis libros en español próximamente

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher weltweit demnächst auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.


Thursday, June 11, 2015

Shifting Your Paradigm


Changing the way we deal with our world, both inner and outer, can create overall improvement in life quality, ranging from the relatively minor to the spectacular.
  • You may believe that how you feel depends on outer circumstances (especially when they are not optimal).
  • You may believe that it is important to prove to others that you are right (on those occasions when you are, indeed, right).
  • You may believe that you are justified in listening to others criticize people who are obviously doing something you believe is wrong.
  • You may believe that when certain problems arise, there simply are no solutions.
Complacent

If you believe in any or all of these positions, might I suggest that you may have allowed your mindset to be lulled into complacency – not a comfortable complacency, mind you, but one that makes you believe you have no choice in the matter.

We are socialized into such a type of belief early on in our lives. Our parents, our school system, organized religion and most importantly, mass media all play a role in bringing us to such a place of complacency. What happens when you are complacent? What do you do? The question really is: what don’t you do?

Complacency is antithetical to being pro-active. In other words, when you are complacent, you’re not out there looking for solutions or new ways of doing things because you’re firmly mired in this belief that there are no solutions or other ways of doing things than the way you’ve always done them.
And that is precisely where shifting YOUR paradigm comes into the picture.

3-D Vision

If you had never been able to see in 3D (the way most of us see naturally), you would have a flat, two dimensional way of seeing. Nothing would be in stereo, in 3D. And if you did not know there was another way of seeing, you would accept your flat way as being the only way. Sound strange? This is exactly what happened to Susan Barry, who was born cross-eyed, had an operation to correct that, but the operation took place after she had already turned two, and that is too late to correct the eyes in such a way to be able to see in 3D. So to Susan, her ‘flat’ way was the only way. And she was already in her 20’s when she discovered there was another way: the 3D way most of us see. Now this was not an uneducated woman from some lost town who never read a newspaper. She is a professor of neuroscience and realized the truth about the glitch in her vision during a class in neurophysiology. From that point forward, until she was nearly 50, no one, not an ophthalmologist, not a neuroscientist, no one at all ever gave her any indication that she might do something about her vision. And she was convinced that it did not really make much of a difference.

Until one day she went to a cocktail party, ran into Oliver Sacks, physician, best-selling author of numerous books including The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat, and professor of neurology and psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center, who asked her: “Do you think you can imagine what it’s like to see the world with two eyes?”

To make a long story short, she eventually was fortunate enough (after this conversation with Sacks) to have contact with vision therapist Dr. Theresa Ruggiero who helped Barry – through a series of exercises – gain stereovision or 3D – for the first time in her life at the age of 50. You can read about it and hear an audio with Barry herself here.

Radical Paradigm Shift
  
Back to our paradigm shift. Barry’s paradigm of complacency or false belief that nothing could be done to change her vision underwent a radical shift thanks to new information she received from Drs. Sacks and Ruggiero. And so it can be with all of us on the level of changing how we live within ourselves and with regards to what happens in our outer world. 
  • Our outer circumstances need not determine how we feel or react at any given point in time. Of course the new information we need in order to change that paradigm of complacency and that false belief (just as Barry exercised her eyes endlessly to gain 3D vision): 
    • Is that we need to exercise our intention and conscious awareness to be fully responsible for ourselves, i.e., responsible for the state of our inner well-being.
    • This means that what happens on the outside may not be great, or even may even be bad, but you know that you will be able to bring yourself to a state of inner harmony (with exercise, just as Barry), no matter what.
  • We need not prove to another that we are right (even when we truly are). Of course the new information we need in order to change that paradigm of complacency and that false belief:
    • Is that our ego is the part of us that needs to prove we are right, no matter what, but to what end? Does that make life better for us? Does it make us more valuable, of greater worth?
    • No. It’s the ego, because what the ego wants is to feel more than the other. More powerful, more intelligent, more knowledgeable, etc.
    • This also requires dedicated exercise. You no more silence the ego just by thinking you want to do so, than Barry saw 3D just by thinking she wanted to do so.
  • We need not believe that we are justified in listening to others criticize people who are obviously doing something we believe is wrong. Of course the new information we need in order to change that paradigm of complacency and that false belief:
    • Is that we feel infinitely better on all levels without resorting to such complacent behavior, that at best is smug and self-serving, and at worst is stooping to outright denigration and cruelty.
    • It brings to mind the words of Margaret Mead: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
    • This – as all our other examples – requires awareness of the self and practice, or exercise. We will not stop doing this just by thinking we want to.
  • We need not believe that when certain problems arise, there simply are no solutions. Of course the new information we need in order to change that paradigm of complacency and that false belief:
    • Is that although a solution may not appear immediately, another, albeit not in the direction we may have initially desired, will appear.
    • This requires not only openness to something that is different from what we fervently want as a solution, but may also be helped along by bearing in mind the words of Krishnamurti, who said, with regards to his secret for happiness: “I don’t mind what happens”.
    • This takes you full circle to our first example. Whatever happens in the outside world, once you have begun this process of YOUR own paradigm shift, no longer has the power to bring you to a state of impotence, pain, stress or worry because you will have learned how to return to a state of equanimity and inner balance very quickly. But it requires practice with intention and awareness.
You are here to be happy. You are here to love yourself. You are here to reconnect with your inner divine self, and in so doing, you are here to be a shining light to all those who experience you.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher demnächst auf Deutsch
Mis libros en español próximamente

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher weltweit demnächst auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.


Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Stopping That Vicious Circle in Your Mind: Three Tips


Your thoughts are your vicious circle. They keep going around and around. Especially when something has upset you. And in the process of going around and around, you generally feel even worse. Nothing gets resolved, but you notice that your emotional state has worsened at each step of the vicious circle's way.

These tips that will help you deal with this vicious circle of thoughts are quite easy to implement if you choose to follow them and continue following them, when the thoughts re-emerge. Nothing will change if you try it once and then decide that because the thoughts do pop up again, the process has not worked. Remember: when you learned how to ride a bike, you probably fell off a couple of times first.

Tip 1: Become aware of the fact that you are having ruminating, revolving thoughts about a subject that is making you feel incrementally worse. Without this awareness, you will not be able to 'grab hold' of your thoughts, so to speak, in order to do something about them. In order to be aware, you may need to put up reminders for a few days, that jolt you into awareness: a few post-it's, perhaps, each saying: what am I thinking? 

Tip 2: Now that you have your thoughts at the front of your head, so to speak, because you have remembered to be aware of them, ask yourself if you wish to continue ruminating. Let's imagine it's a health problem. Or work-related. Or financial. Or your relationship is rocky. All are major issues that many of us go through, but no matter how important they are, if you allow them to dictate your thoughts into toxicity, you will only make matters worse. So recognize that one thing is to give some predetermined 'proactive time' to your thoughts in order to see whether the problem can be solved, perhaps by brain-storming, researching, consulting with someone, but then, once that proactive time is over (and you will need to tell yourself each day how long you allow yourself to PROACTIVELY (not in a toxic way) think about this issue), then you need to agree with yourself that ruminating, worry-filled, fearful and stressful thoughts about that particular subject are no longer allowed today. So in this second tip what needs to be done, each and every time the thoughts rise up in you (and they will), is some method of changing that well-worn rut in your brain - that habit - that neural pathway, to a new one. A very simple way to do this is to focus on beauty, for example, notice a beautiful plant, or tree, or the sky, or clouds, or an animal in your surroundings. Then allow yourself to be grateful for that beauty in your life right now, as you focus on it, and really see its beauty, and then notice a mild sensation of peace in your solar plexus. This occurs because just for a moment you have moved yourself from past or future time to now time, and while you are present in now time, you can't focus on past or future fears, pains, and worries.

Tip 3: At this point, after tip #2, you may feel marginally better, but since you probably have little practice at doing this, you will need something else, to keep your mind in a better place than in that vicious circle of thoughts. On my other blog Rewiring the Soul  you will find a list of links on the right sidebar if you scroll down far enough. In there, you will find many suggestions of sites that offer motivating or inspiring talks, articles, videos, etc. Even if you choose something that is an hour or longer, just sit and listen or watch or read for 10 or 15 minutes. This will help you not only keep the thoughts at bay, but begin to create new neural pathways that will help you do this more easily each time you try.

Finally, when the thoughts come again, as they will (at least for a time), repeat the above process. If you can't afford to do the third step each time due to the activity you are engaged in (work, home, family, etc.), at least do the first two steps, and then, as you engage in the activity you have at hand, try to be as mindful while you do so, as possible. This too will begin to change your brain and will help you feel better than if you engage in the activity plus ruminate. There is a great deal of material about this in both my blogs, on my website in the newsletter articles, as well in both of my books. I encourage you to give it a try. Learning to do this is not hard, and it can literally change your life.

Image: Ouroboros or Uroboros - an ancient symbol depicting a serpent or dragon eating its own tail

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher auf Deutsch Frühjahr 2015 / Mis libros en español primavera 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab Frühjahr 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de la primavera de 2015.



Friday, June 5, 2015

Come Back to Listening to Yourself


Why have we become a world of people who no longer know how to (or wish to) listen to themselves? Why have we become a world of people who listens more to what the media says, to what our culture says, to what our colleague, neighbor, or best friend says in order to decide what we should believe, think, feel, do, or say, or even how we should react? What has happened to us that so many of us have gone down this undeniably stultifying and soul-less road?

Clearly, I don't have the complete answers to this, but one is obvious, and yet we do little about its influence over us, and that is the adoration of fame, celebrity-hood, success, and money.

How many times were you asked in the particular schools you went to, what you were passionate about? How many times were you told over the course of your first 18 years of life that beauty had little to do with how thin, how muscled, or how well-dressed in designer clothes you were? How often did you hear that excelling in something did not mean you had to be the best, the most well-known or popular, but simply that you had to have tried to do well? How often were you encouraged to listen to your own inner voice, and above all, how often were you told that the inner voice held great value for you? When were you shown how important it is to love yourself? When did you last seek out silence, being alone, and deliberately try to see beauty everywhere you happened to look?

Just because the world is like this, don't believe you have to follow suit. Or even if you have followed suit for many years, it doesn't mean you can't change back to how you were in so many ways as a child. You can go back to listening to yourself. You can relearn how to find value in that inner voice. You can put passion and vibrancy back into your existence, no matter how old you are. All you have to do is choose to do so. And then you begin.

It was Joseph Campbell who said : the world is full of people who have stopped listening to themselves or have listened only to their neighbors to learn what they ought to do, how they ought to behave, and what the values are they should be living for.

Don't settle for this. Don't settle for such a life.


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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher auf Deutsch Frühjahr 2015 / Mis libros en español primavera 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab Frühjahr 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de la primavera de 2015.