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"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Four Tips for a Phenomenal Relationship


Which ways of behaving or thinking rank right up there with the most important things you can do to ensure that your new relationship has the greatest possibility of growing and surviving?

But what if you are already in a relationship, where most of what follows has never been adhered to? What if your relationship is no longer in the throes of that initial rose-colored haze; is perhaps, not great anymore, but you still believe in it and would like to change it for the better. These four tips can still help you, but you will have to work on them from within the parameters of the existing relationship, as opposed to prior to forming it. If your partner is on the same wavelength, it will work much more easily than if that is not the case, but either way, it is do-able. And whatever happens, you will have grown.
  1. Love yourself first. This may seem counter-intuitive or downright selfish. It's not. Remember the oxygen mask in the plane. If you're traveling with children, you put yours on first. By taking care of yourself first, you ensure the survival of the children. In a relationship, by first loving yourself, you ensure that you know yourself. You ensure that you are aware of yourself before you react. You ensure that you have meaning and purpose in your life, so that you need not look for finding it - or finding fulfillment - through your partner. By first loving yourself, you ensure that healthy boundaries are in place, and that their lack will not derail this relationship. In a word: by loving yourself you ensure that the relationship will not collapse simply because you need the other person, which is one of the worst reasons for being in a relationship.
  2. Be present. Live mindfully. Do this for yourself because you love yourself. Don't live your life in the past (blaming, or feeling hurt), and don't live your life in the future (always telling yourself that as soon as such-and-such happens, you will be happy, or continually worrying about things that have not yet occurred), because you know that your life is now. Simply by being present in the days of your life, you are able to be present in ways many are not - for your partner - in your relationship.
  3. Listen. This is almost always ensured by both prior points, but just to reiterate the facts: when your partner speaks, listen. Don't be thinking about your answer. Just listen. Hear what your partner is trying to communicate. Don't second-guess him/her. Don't assume anything. Don't think about the grocery list, the football match, or what you'd like to wear to the party on Friday. Just listen. Be there fully. Learn how to truly communicate from your soul. Learn to be transparent. Be courageous enough to be vulnerable. Live outside of your emotional comfort zone. Speak your truth. 
  4. Recognize that every moment, every event, every problem is a path - a tao - for growth. The relationship serves as a tool for your growth. Feel impatient with your partner? That's an opportunity for growth. Feel annoyed with your partner? That's an opportunity for growth, and how you handle it will either take you further down this road or bring you back to your former reactive life. Feel jealous, bored, angry, misunderstood, hurt, or any other negative emotion with your partner? You guessed it: That's an opportunity for growth and how you handle it will either take you further down this road or bring you back to your former reactive life. This means, that using the first two points above in particular, you will recognize the value of each difficult moment and you will literally want to work through it based on these precepts, precisely because you want to grow and in so doing, want the relationship to prosper. You won't resort to blame - even when the other has done something that anyone would understand you resorting to blame about - because you know that it might be, for example, about poor boundaries, in which case you need to work on yours, and perhaps - if it's a very bad situation - even let go of the relationship, but you are fully aware that blame will not get you anywhere. You will be willing to look at yourself with brutal honesty and you will be willing to forgive, even if you take some time to actually get there.
You will have understood that most of the above implies work on yourself. It implies taking how you live your life very seriously, and doing something about the many things that occur that upset you, and to which you react. By so doing, you will be well on the road to living a relationship that is not at all like most relationships that so many people are doomed to live. Choose this.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

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Meine Bücher auf Deutsch Frühjahr 2015 / Mis libros en español primavera 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab Frühjahr 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de la primavera de 2015.



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