WELCOME TO THIS BLOG


"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Taking the Wrinkles Out of Your Soul


Compare how you feel when you are enthusiastic to when you are not. The differences make themselves felt not only in your emotions, but also in the vibrational or energetic frequency of your body. Enthusiasm makes you come alive in so many senses of the word, and the lack of it, or the loss of it, causes you to wither. Samuel Ullman wrote: years wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.

This is similar to eating healthy food or taking vitamins and exercising, all of which - on a physiological level - may contribute to your well-being. Enthusiasm does the same.

Remember how you felt as a child, perhaps on a Saturday morning, when you knew you had the entire day at your disposal to run, play, build sand castles, read books under a tree, draw, or build an airplane with your Lego blocks. That enthusiasm - that joy - had in it not only the innocence of youth, but also the passion of something you loved. Enthusiasm at any time of life is similar to that. In fact, enthusiasm and joy are very inter-related because one may often be the cause of the other.

Enthusiasm can be sought in your passion for something you love doing, but it can also be sought in your simple interest in something you want to know more about. However you find your enthusiasm, it does require some proactive behavior on your part - in general, it won't just stroll up to you and introduce itself. But the interesting part of the proactive element is that it tends to occur more and more the greater your love for yourself has grown. I'm not talking about being a dilettante and floating - like a butterfly - from flower to flower, because one never satisfies you enough, and then believing that such enthusiasm is real, as opposed to existing simply because something is new, but about digging deep into that well of enthusiasm and growing it, expanding it, living it. One of my all-time favorite quotes comes from Rumi and I have posted and written about it often: when you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher auf Deutsch Frühjahr 2015 / Mis libros en español primavera 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab Frühjahr 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de la primavera de 2015.



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Monday, April 27, 2015

Give Birth to Yourself



Erich Fromm, psychoanalyst and author of The Art of Loving among many other books, wrote: A person's main task in life is to give birth to oneself.

Giving birth to yourself can happen at any age. You could be in your 70's, you could be a teenager, you might be in your mid-thirties: it makes no difference, you can make this exhilarating change in your life at any time.

Why is it exhilarating? It has to do with you finding the real you...the one that was meant to be...the one that senses a true meaning and purpose in his or her life...and the one that will bring you to greater levels of joy, fulfillment, and happiness than any other aspect of you, barring none. (See also Keep Your Energy High).


The Inner Life

We begin to become interested in our own inner life - not in a selfish fashion, not born of our ego - because this inner life is precisely what can most clearly point the way towards our own birth. The fact that our intuition is hugely involved in this process, should surprise no one. You may have heard of the fact that scientists now refer to our second and third brains (see also my May 2006 Newsletter about this subject), with regards to the billions of neural cells they now know we have in our gut (intestine) and heart, respectively. These neural cells offer intelligent information of another kind to our being, so that in conjunction with the logical information we receive via the neural cells in our brain, we also receive intuitive and emotional information from the neural cells in our gut and heart respectively. Together, the three types of information - if we will but use them in conjunction - allow us to make choices that are much more informed than those that originate merely from our rational brain.

Intuitive Intelligence

Our intuitive intelligence has much to offer us. It can speak to us in the language of our innermost self ... of that part of us that is not only the part that is visible to the naked eye, the part that others can see, but also of that innermost part of us that has always existed, and that will always be. To understand its language is to understand how we can give birth to ourselves. Hence, learning to listen to our intuition is of utmost importance, and one of the best ways to do so, is to begin to allow our hunches to lead us. (Also see the brief article about Gert Gigerenzer's new book about the subject: Intuition Has Great Value After All!).

Listening to our intuition can be fomented by spending some time alone, by meditating, by taking solitary walks, but above all, also by allowing the little voice inside of you, when it comes up and nudges you about something, to be heard. In other words, don't just ignore it, don't just tell yourself that whatever it was that you just thought had no value, and that therefore you will not pay any attention. Do something about it. Or notice if right after, something happens, as in: I just thought of Aunt Mabel and two minutes later she rings me. While this type of example is minimally important, it does allow you to begin the process of better understanding the role of intuition in your life.

Listening to our intuition also has a lot to do with our self esteem. If we have not got a good sense of self esteem, we will not esteem that inner voice and give it validity. Hence, understanding that our self esteem is one of the most important parts of our own self that needs to be enhanced by a process of self love, is high on the list of priorities towards the goal of giving birth to yourself. It is precisely from this intuitive sector of your being that you will get the greatest amount of vital information about where to go and what to do in order to expedite your birth.

How do we find meaning in our lives? One of the easiest ways is to listen with your inner ear to your bodily reactions to anything. Notice especially a sense of excitement in your solar plexus, an increased rhythm of breathing, heightened facial color and body temperature, as you hear a conversation, listen to something on the radio, watch a documentary on TV, because your body is giving you information about the importance of the particular subject in question to you and your true purpose in life (see also Finding a Meaning For Your Life). This inner listening is totally connected to your intuition and your emotional self, and it is another way of strengthening the inner dialogue in order to give birth to yourself. (See also Using Your Emotions to Learn About Yourself).
Here are some further ideas about how you can go about this important process of change:


The Unexamined Life

It was Socrates who in 399 BCE said the unexamined life is not worth living.

Most of us live unexamined lives. Why? Because that is how our world - generally speaking - is. We may examine our outer circumstances: our profession, our homes, our standing in society, our finances, etc., but we tend not to examine our inner lives.

History - world history - has shown us that there are certain cycles that repeat with some regularity, and that we can learn from in order to avoid mistakes of the past, and potentiate other, stronger, and more positive aspects.

Interestingly, humanistic astrology also focuses on cycles in the human life span, and uses, for example, the planet Saturn to determine when those cycles take place in the life of an individual. Once determined, and especially if the individual is no longer a young person, by virtue of past cycles, the current and future cycles can be much better understood (not predicted...this is not about fortune telling, but about understanding). However, even with these tools, past cycles can only be understood if the individual has made an effort at examining the events - inner and outer - of his or her life.

Economic and business cycles also study the fluctuations of the market and the changes in any given economy or society. Also see Gregg Braden’s book Fractal Time.
Therefore, it would seem that examining one's life is also truly important, if one has any interest whatsoever in understanding it and oneself.
Examining one's own life is not tremendously difficult, but it does pose some awkwardness for those not versed in this kind of activity, as it involves time with oneself. I have found that for some people journaling is a good activity, as it allows them to bring out inner feelings and thoughts that they may not be so very much aware of in ordinary everyday life. More than journaling, however, I also recommend that a sheet of paper be taken for every year of the life. Then, simply write down those things that you know: residence, which family members (and pets) lived with you, school, friends, etc., progressing to further education, jobs, partners, cities of residence, and so on. As you fill in obvious bits, you begin to remember others. Jot them down in bullet fashion, in order to flesh out your own forgotten and unexamined life. This is the beginning to greater understanding. You may see how decisions you took at age 22 led you to expansion and growth at age 29, that in turn led you to other avenues at 36. Or you may see the reverse. You may notice that whenever you had one type of calamity, your reactions were of a given type, that led, some time in the future, to another version of the same calamity. Now you are in the middle of facing another one. Perhaps - due to this examination of your life - you may now decide to react differently.

However you do it, examining the life is always of great value. You may even find it fascinating!

Inauthentic Lives

Many well-known and respected speakers refer to people who live inauthentic lives. The sense I get from them, is not that they are criticizing these people, but that they are suggesting that living an inauthentic life may lie at the root of much unhappiness and desperation that is often covered up with sex, eating, drinking, drugs, shopping, non-stop deadening of the senses with television and mass media, an incessant social life, and so on.

Inauthentic is defined as "false, not genuine", and what is false and not genuine about an inauthentic life, is the fact that the person living it is not in connection with his or her true self.

That is to say, this individual is generally living a life that he or she feels should be lived, a life perhaps that the parents expected, or a life that the partner or spouse expects, or simply that this individual feels should be the life to be lived in order to live up to someone else’s expectations. It’s often also a life in which much greater importance and value are given to the outer search for material abundance and social and professional prestige (all of which are very worthwhile aims), than to the inner search for purpose and meaning and for connection to the self and others. (See also my April and May 2006 Newsletters: Losing the Connection and Tending Your Inner Garden).

In an authentic life both the inner and the outer quest are given importance, a balance is sought, and the person soon recognizes that what most motivates him or her, and what most gives satisfying meaning and significance to the lifetime, is something that literally comes from within; something that emanates from the deepest inner self, and which creates a true connection to the self.



The Main Task in Life

Back to Fromm who tells us that our main task in life is to give birth to ourselves. In his article Selfishness and Self-Love, published in 1939, he damns modern culture, Calvin, Kant and others due to a pervasive taboo of selfishness. This ideology teaches “that to be selfish is sinful and that to love others is virtuous. Selfishness, as it is commonly used in these ideologies, is more or less synonymous with self-love. The alternatives are either to love others which is a virtue or to love oneself which is a sin."

Fromm becomes even more damning as he continues his assault on our societal mores concerning self-love: "The doctrine that selfishness is the arch-evil that one has to avoid and that to love oneself excludes loving others is by no means restricted to theology and philosophy. It is one of the stock patterns used currently in home, school, church, movies, literature, and all the other instruments of social suggestion. „Don't be selfish“ is a sentence which has been impressed upon millions of children, generation after generation. It is hard to define what exactly it means. Consciously, most parents connect with it the meaning not to be egotistical, inconsiderate, without concern for others. Factually, they generally mean more than that. „Not to be selfish“ implies not to do what one wishes, to give up one's own wishes for the sake of those in authority; i.e., the parents, and later the authorities of society."

And Fromm continues: "„Don't be selfish,“ in the last analysis, has the same ambiguity that we have seen in Calvinism. Aside from its obvious implication, it means, „don't love yourself,“ „don't be yourself,“ but submit your life to something more important than yourself, be it an outside power or the internalization of that power as „duty.“ „Don't be selfish“  becomes one of the most powerful ideological weapons in suppressing spontaneity and the free development of personality. Under the pressure of this slogan one is asked for every sacrifice and for complete submission: only those aims are „unselfish“ which do not serve the individual for his own sake but for the sake of somebody or something outside of him." (italics mine)

In that sense Fromm made a magnificent statement: "Selfish persons are incapable of loving others, but they are not capable of loving themselves either."

In Man For Himself Fromm wrote: "selfishness and self-love, far from being identical, are actually opposites.

Fromm's encouragement is that we begin to love ourselves in the sense that we can truly be ourselves, in the sense that we can find ourselves, so that we give birth to ourselves, by loving ourselves enough to walk this path. It is - as always - a choice.

Image: Sculpture by Paola Grizi

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher auf Deutsch Frühjahr 2015 / Mis libros en español primavera 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab Frühjahr 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de la primavera de 2015.



Thursday, April 23, 2015

Throwing in the Towel


You've tried so hard. You're at the end of your wits. Nothing you have done has taken you to the result you were reaching for. You have worked hard. You have implemented change and innovation. You have stuck to your guns and forsaken even much of your free time in order to continue pushing at your goal. You've persevered. You've been determined. You've motivated yourself day after day, and you've done just about everything you can think of doing in order to achieve the result you desire. You've emulated your role models. You've studied and learned and perfected. And yet ... it keeps eluding you. You are on the verge of throwing in the towel.

So motivate yourself some more:
  • There is not failure except in no longer trying. Elbert Hubbard
  • It's always too soon to quite! Norman Vincent Peale
  • The difference between success and failure is not giving up. Steven Redhead
  • He has no talent at all, that boy! You, who are his friend, tell him, please, to give up painting. Manet to Monet, on Renoir
  • Success is not final; failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts. Winston Churchill
  • Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure. Napoleon Hill
And please: before throwing in that towel, think of Rafael Nadal who shot up to #1 in tennis, had setbacks, and physical challenges, and then shot back up to #1 again, had more physical challenges, fell to #4, and is now doing his utmost, not only not throwing in the towel, but believing in himself and moving forward. Do you think it is easier for him because he has already attained such fame, such accolades, such prestige, so much money? Think again. He has to fall down and get up again in the eyes of the entire world. All you have to do is fall - relatively - privately and get up - relatively - privately. 

So what was that you were saying about throwing in the towel?

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher auf Deutsch Frühjahr 2015 / Mis libros en español primavera 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab Frühjahr 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de la primavera de 2015.



Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Four Tips for a Phenomenal Relationship


Which ways of behaving or thinking rank right up there with the most important things you can do to ensure that your new relationship has the greatest possibility of growing and surviving?

But what if you are already in a relationship, where most of what follows has never been adhered to? What if your relationship is no longer in the throes of that initial rose-colored haze; is perhaps, not great anymore, but you still believe in it and would like to change it for the better. These four tips can still help you, but you will have to work on them from within the parameters of the existing relationship, as opposed to prior to forming it. If your partner is on the same wavelength, it will work much more easily than if that is not the case, but either way, it is do-able. And whatever happens, you will have grown.
  1. Love yourself first. This may seem counter-intuitive or downright selfish. It's not. Remember the oxygen mask in the plane. If you're traveling with children, you put yours on first. By taking care of yourself first, you ensure the survival of the children. In a relationship, by first loving yourself, you ensure that you know yourself. You ensure that you are aware of yourself before you react. You ensure that you have meaning and purpose in your life, so that you need not look for finding it - or finding fulfillment - through your partner. By first loving yourself, you ensure that healthy boundaries are in place, and that their lack will not derail this relationship. In a word: by loving yourself you ensure that the relationship will not collapse simply because you need the other person, which is one of the worst reasons for being in a relationship.
  2. Be present. Live mindfully. Do this for yourself because you love yourself. Don't live your life in the past (blaming, or feeling hurt), and don't live your life in the future (always telling yourself that as soon as such-and-such happens, you will be happy, or continually worrying about things that have not yet occurred), because you know that your life is now. Simply by being present in the days of your life, you are able to be present in ways many are not - for your partner - in your relationship.
  3. Listen. This is almost always ensured by both prior points, but just to reiterate the facts: when your partner speaks, listen. Don't be thinking about your answer. Just listen. Hear what your partner is trying to communicate. Don't second-guess him/her. Don't assume anything. Don't think about the grocery list, the football match, or what you'd like to wear to the party on Friday. Just listen. Be there fully. Learn how to truly communicate from your soul. Learn to be transparent. Be courageous enough to be vulnerable. Live outside of your emotional comfort zone. Speak your truth. 
  4. Recognize that every moment, every event, every problem is a path - a tao - for growth. The relationship serves as a tool for your growth. Feel impatient with your partner? That's an opportunity for growth. Feel annoyed with your partner? That's an opportunity for growth, and how you handle it will either take you further down this road or bring you back to your former reactive life. Feel jealous, bored, angry, misunderstood, hurt, or any other negative emotion with your partner? You guessed it: That's an opportunity for growth and how you handle it will either take you further down this road or bring you back to your former reactive life. This means, that using the first two points above in particular, you will recognize the value of each difficult moment and you will literally want to work through it based on these precepts, precisely because you want to grow and in so doing, want the relationship to prosper. You won't resort to blame - even when the other has done something that anyone would understand you resorting to blame about - because you know that it might be, for example, about poor boundaries, in which case you need to work on yours, and perhaps - if it's a very bad situation - even let go of the relationship, but you are fully aware that blame will not get you anywhere. You will be willing to look at yourself with brutal honesty and you will be willing to forgive, even if you take some time to actually get there.
You will have understood that most of the above implies work on yourself. It implies taking how you live your life very seriously, and doing something about the many things that occur that upset you, and to which you react. By so doing, you will be well on the road to living a relationship that is not at all like most relationships that so many people are doomed to live. Choose this.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher auf Deutsch Frühjahr 2015 / Mis libros en español primavera 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab Frühjahr 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de la primavera de 2015.



Friday, April 17, 2015

The Practice That You Can Create - Right Now


This is not a post about me encouraging you to start meditating or doing yoga, or anything along those lines. This is a post to encourage you to start a practice of eradicating from your life that which no longer serves you.

How do you eradicate? You create a practice of being aware of that one thing you are working on. Assuming you wish to be less judgmental, you will need to invoke awareness as often as you can when you drift into the judgmental mindset. You'll have to set up the intention inside of you to be aware at those times, in order to stop yourself in mid-game. The more often you stop yourself, the more quickly this practice that you have created will stop the habit you wish to eradicate from having strength in your life.

And that could be any of the following:
  • criticizing others
  • judging others
  • not being kind as often as you could be
  • being less impatient
  • being less quick to anger
  • spending less time in the past, dwelling on past pain
Now let's extrapolate and apply just one of these specifically to your relationship with your partner:
  • instead of continually looking for all his/her faults, and then criticizing them, look instead for all those wonderful things, that are still generally there, you just don't see them, because you are so focused on the negative
Can you see how such a practice could radically change the tenor of your relationship? Are you willing to try?

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher auf Deutsch Frühjahr 2015 / Mis libros en español primavera 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab Frühjahr 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de la primavera de 2015.



Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Liars & Fear in Your Life


Surely the most dreadful thing about the liars in our lives is the fact that they do exactly what their description implies: they tell us untruths about something. If we then believe whatever they have lied about, we have incorrect information about something and will proceed on the basis of that incorrect information. Hence we take decisions that are wrong, we may walk down paths that lead us to destinations we were not looking for and conversely - will not lead us to the place we wanted to get to.

What if those liars in our lives were frequently our own fears that feed us with false information? They tell us:
  • that will never work
  • you'll never be able to do that
  • if you try that, you'll fail
  • if you try that, you'll fail and look ridiculous in front of your friends
  • that is much too hard
  • that is much too advanced
  • no one has ever done that before, so it can't possibly be of any value
It was Kipling who said. Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are your own fears. And of course, if we listen to those fears as listed above, we may be convinced by something which may in fact, be a blatant lie.
  • It might work (ask Richard Branson when he started up Virgin Airlines)
  • you might be able to do it (ask Edison when he tried hundreds of times to make a light bulb)
  • if you try that, you might succeed (ask Bethany Hamilton, who got back up on a surf board to compete professionally after losing one of her arms to a shark)
  • if you try that, it might work, and you won't look ridiculous in front of your friends (how about asking Bill Gates, when he left Harvard and set up shop in his parents' garage?)
  • that just might not be too hard (ask Mandela when he began 28 years of prison in Robben Island)
  • that might not be too advanced (ask any researcher on the cutting edge of any given discipline)
  • even though no one has done that before, it just might be  of value (ask film director James Cameron as he ventures into deep underwater photography that has never been successfully done before).
So it bears mentioning that our own fears might be our own worst enemy and certainly might be the liars in our lives. Perhaps we all need to take a look at those fears we harbour and ask ourselves how much of what they are saying to us is a lie.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher auf Deutsch Frühjahr 2015 / Mis libros en español primavera 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab Frühjahr 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de la primavera de 2015.



Monday, April 13, 2015

Honing the Self


We are often regaled with stories of people who meet success out there in the world, professionally, academically, socially, financially, etc., due to their persistence, and due to the fact that they never gave up. But we rarely hear about those people who meet success simply because they never gave up about finding love.

Many who seek my services talk about the fact that love appears to have escaped them; that they simply never found it, or that they found it once or twice, or even more, but that now, at the place they are at in their lives, it eludes them.

In this kind of a situation I believe it's also about not giving up, but perhaps in a slightly different way than if the success that is being sought is more outward. When you're looking for love, doesn't it make sense to never give up by continually honing yourself? By continually improving yourself in areas you wish to grow in? By becoming more of the kind of person you would like to meet? There is an element of not giving up in looking at it from that point of view, because you go on and on and on, even if momentarily you see no success whatsoever, because you are not meeting anyone, or because those that you meet, are not of your interest (or you don't interest them).

It goes without saying that if you don't situate yourself in at least some public or social occasions, sports or hobby activities where you have the opportunity to meet others, then possibly none of the above will serve you either, but if you do both then your chances of turning the tide in your relationship and love life multiply enormously. It was Harriet Beecher who wrote: Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.

I could give you a long list of individuals I know, who, no matter their age or appearance, found true love simply by following activities that spoke to their heart, and by continually enhancing aspects of themselves that connected to their inner self.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming spring 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher auf Deutsch Frühjahr 2015 / Mis libros en español primavera 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab Frühjahr 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de la primavera de 2015.



Thursday, April 9, 2015

Letting the Real Thing Pass You By

How much does your need and desire for security hold you from allowing yourself to have the 'real' thing? Or how much of the 'real' thing have you given up in the past in order to ensure that you have guarantees and security in that arena of your life? Conversely, are you effectively letting the 'real' thing pass you by - even as you observe it do so - because you know it is not a sure thing.

I meant to make this only about love, but it also happens in our professions: in what we choose to do with our lives, and in so many other, perhaps more secondary arenas, such as the friends we choose (or the people we choose to spend time with, which may or may not be the same thing), and the daily activities in which we participate.

Let's look at love first: did you fear the vulnerability you felt in an early relationship (one of those that knocks the socks off of you) and decide that feeling secure was better? This is not a question of right or wrong, but one of discerning where growth takes place, and one of recognizing that frequently when we choose security we give up on discovery. And maybe we also give up on 'real' love, although that is merely an opinion.

We can apply the same thing to what we choose to do with our lives. Is there a real purpose in yours? Or did you set it (the real purpose that you felt as an inner excitement whenever you considered it) aside because no one would have understood the direction in which you were taking your life and that would have meant rejection or disapproval, or perhaps even ridicule or pity? These are not easy questions, but I was reminded of this once again as I recently re-read some passages from the excellent book that Diane Esbon edited of Joseph Campbell's works titled Reflections of the Art of Living. In it, he writes: the hero's journey always begins with the call. One way or another, a guide must come to say, "Look, you're in Sleepy Land. Wake. Come on a trip. There's a whole aspect of your consciousness, your being, that's not been touched. So you're at home here? Well, there's not enough of you there." And so it starts. And a bit further down, Campbell continues: The call is to leave a certain social situation, move into your own loneliness and find the jewel, the center that's impossible to find when you're socially engaged. You are thrown off-center, and when you feel off-center, it's time to go. This is the departure when the hero feels something has been lost and goes to find it. You are to cross the threshold into new life. It's a dangerous adventure, because you are moving out of the sphere of knowledge of you and your community.

And as stated earlier, this can apply not only to your 'calling' but to all spheres of your life. So: are you going out there for the real thing, the one that speaks to your soul, and the one that will move you forward to another level, or are you giving up on it - letting it pass you by - for the sake of guarantees, safety, and security?

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming Spring 2015)

  

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher auf deutsch Frühjahr 2015 / Mis libros en español primavera 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Finding Hope: When All You See is Despair


There is much to be said about how you use choice in your life. Most particularly, the way you choose to react and behave, and where you choose to find hope in the midst of despair, may well make the difference between a life of frequent pain and one of inner well-being and harmony despite outer events.

Choice comes into it in many ways, but one of the most immediate and important, is choosing to remain aware. You can't possibly make choices that are good for you if you are not aware of the fact - in a situation of despair, pain, or fear - that your thoughts are running away on you; indeed, that it is precisely your thoughts that are causing much of the turmoil that is going on inside of you.

Next on the list of how choice comes into it is choosing to actively do something about those thoughts that are running away on you. By being aware of them you can do this (begin to practice doing this), and most particularly, you can choose to first find a place of inner calm and equanimity before you consider what might need to be done out there, on other levels, in order to deal with the event.

So you choose to become aware in general in your life at all possible times, and you choose to intend to be in charge of your thoughts when they race towards places in your mind that do you no good, and you choose to focus elsewhere in order to achieve that inner harmony and equanimity. Note that this is not a question of running away from a problem, or pretending it doesn't exist, but rather, a question of deciding you will first take charge of yourself, your inner state of being by taking charge of your thoughts. In order to do so, you will help yourself greatly by choosing where to focus. The more you focus on the event and the emotions it has created, the more you increase the weight of the thoughts that do you no good. And so you choose to focus elsewhere. You can focus on beauty, as I so often recommend here.

Focusing on beauty in nature is a simple method that allows you to be present. Being present (or mindful) allows you to leave that dark space in the past or future where your thoughts had taken you - the thoughts that fill you with trepidation, pain, worry, stress, or fear. Being present allows you to access inner calm. And being in a space of inner calm, allows you to choose your thoughts. Choosing your thoughts implies you can choose hope (and if you don't believe me, or if you think your particular situation is so much worse than anything I could imagine and hence does not apply to this post, take a look at the lives of Viktor Frankl, Nelson Mandela, or Christopher Reeve, and the books they wrote from their deepest despair. They chose to choose hope).

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming Spring 2015)

  

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.