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"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Permitting Thoughts to Torture You


When your thoughts are allowed to do as they wish; when you are not in charge of them, you will generally find yourself in a position of being tortured by them. They come and go - seemingly of their own volition - and carry you in their relentless wake, often threatening to pull you under into a place that can only be likened to Dante's Inferno, an unending hell of servitude to those same thoughts. Furthermore, those same thoughts also bring about feelings that are typically negative, whether they are stressful, angry, impatient, painful or sad, or any other variation thereof.

Is this really something you want?

I imagine you are already shaking your head, because who would want something of this nature? Who would want to be tortured like this, and who would want to be held in the continual thrall of thoughts that are not ones that you would voluntarily have?

What can you do? Distracting yourself, or soothing yourself with addictions of any kind, ranging from drugs, alcohol and indiscriminate sex to rampant shopping, gambling, under- or over-eating, work-aholism or frantic socializing, are clearly not the answer, and yet, that is precisely what many people choose to do. And of course the result is never positive. It merely drags them down further.

Conversely, others seek spiritual answers, or meditate, or read many wonderful books, or go to numerous inspiring workshops. And yet, many of these people also find that this is not the answer. At least not if they are not consciously changing their lives by adopting some of the teachings they find in the books or workshops.

And so, those who continue in their place of pain or chaos or desperation, eventually find themselves in a place where they know that they no longer wish to remain. And then they finally begin to make some changes. And one of these changes, that impacts enormously on the weight of those unbidden and tortuous thoughts, is the decision to become conscious, and in so doing, also to become mindful (click on the labels below the article for more posts on these subjects). Such a decision means that the one who now chooses your thoughts is you, as opposed to you being the one to whom the thoughts come. This alone can change the course of your life in an unparalleled fashion.

Are you choosing your thoughts today?

Are you choosing to become conscious and mindful today?

Image Credit: The Buddha by Octavio Ocampo, Mexican artist

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming April 2015)


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Take A Close Look At What Bothers you


Sometimes using your surroundings as a mirror, can be an excellent exercise in getting to know yourself on levels to which you frequently don't have immediate access. By allowing that what appears out there in your life might in fact, be closely related to something that goes on inside of you, you might begin to understand yourself in fresh ways.

You may be familiar with the idea that a problem will not release its hold on you until you have resolved something on an entirely different level inside of you. And so you may meet that very same problem in differing situations or via totally different people who walk into your life over a question of month, years, or even decades, depending on how long it takes you to recognize whatever it is that you are meant to understand.

This could be relationship patterns which I discuss at length in my book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, or it could be something of an entirely different nature such as why you keep feeling responsible for people who should be carrying their own weight. Also something of a relationship pattern, but in this instance, not necessarily a love relationship, but a relationship where you tell yourself the individual in question might be helpless, or know so much less than you do, or you want to be kind and compassionate, or it is so much quicker for you to do it than for them to learn it painstakingly.

However, you regard it, individuals of this type will continue to pop in and out of your life until you recognize that we are each responsible for ourselves and our own lives, and hence perhaps the bit that needs learning here - on your part - is the fact that you can not make yourself responsible for another individual, assuming they are not a child, or suffer from a major disability of some kind.

Of course the mirrors that may appear in our lives could also be those that point to an impatience we have whenever we are forced to take something slowly: we might be stuck behind a very slow person in line at the bank, we might have to face congested and slow-moving traffic, we might break a bone and have to slow down the frantic activity of our lives in order to take time to learn to live with this fracture until it heals. Looking at these circumstances as opportunities to understand yourself in a more clear fashion, and recognizing that they actually lead the process of your own growth further, is an added benefit of this kind of mindset. And as always, it is your choice.

Image: Rainbow reflection at sunset on Freshwater Beach, Sydney. Image Credit: Ian Bird Photography

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.



Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy


My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Friday, February 20, 2015

Enthusiasm & Feeling Blah Can’t Live in the Same Place


Logical, isn’t it?

You really didn’t need me to tell you that, right? You already knew that, right?

Putting Your Knowledge Into Action

OK, so then put your knowledge into action. In other words, recognize the importance of your inner vibration or frequency, and recognize that it determines whether blackness, negativity, low moods, and depression enter your space.

What is your vibration or frequency? Isn’t it the energy you have inside of you? Not the energy you need to run a marathon or chop wood, but the energy that determines how good you are feeling. The better you are feeling, the less of a chance there is that you will go down the scale into a grey mood.

Yes, you say, I know that. What I don’t know is how to keep the energy high. (See also Keep Energy High! Watch How You Feed Your Brain, Heart, and Spirit.) You keep your energy high, by being vigilant.

You know that when you feel you are getting a temperature, you check with a thermometer, and then, if you measure over the norm, you take aspirin, or go to bed, or make an appointment with your doctor, or do something in an attempt to regulate the temperature of your body.

Observe Yourself At All Times

This is exactly the same! You observe yourself at all times, from the point of view of how you are feeling. As soon as you notice you are drifting downwards energetically (your temperature is changing), you make changes in order to keep your energy as high as possible. See also Happiness: Has it Become a Science or is it a Question of Luck?

The changes that you make, will depend on different factors, such as how much experience you have in doing this, where you actually are (physically) when you recognize that you need to regulate your energy (i.e., if you are at work, you probably can’t go out for a run), and what you have at hand.

Easy Methods for Keeping Your Energy High

Here are some small, but very effective methods you can use, think of them as baby steps in your learning process to keep your energy on healthy, high levels:
  • Realize that right here, where you are right now, recognizing that you are on the way down, energetically speaking, and thinking about what is written here, you have a choice. You can choose to continue to go down into what Eckhart Tolle calls the pain body, or you can do something to change that downward spiral. (But for this to work on a consistent basis, you must make the decision to raise your awareness of yourself as much as possible, so that you can “catch” the downward spiraling long before it goes too low).
  • Do some aerobic activity (e.g., a brisk walk) that will raise your endorphins (even 15-20 minutes can work wonders) due to the influx of oxygen into your system, your brain and its effect on both.
  • Make a Happy CD of music containing only songs that fill you with joy (no nostalgia, please).
  • Better yet, burn some talks or seminars by people you admire or about subjects that fascinate you on CD’s for listening in your car, or on your iPod, in order that these talks help shift your energy, while you are still too weak to do it properly yourself; while you are, so to speak, growing those muscles!
  • And remember, as I have encouraged you to do in many of these articles: Begin to make a habit of viewing much in your daily life with gratitude (also see Ten Reasons Why Gratitude Should Form Part of Your Daily Routine ). Gratitude is simply one of the very best habits you can develop. It will enhance you most marvelous moments, and it will help you bear your deepest despair. Just begin. Now.
There is much, much more to be said about this subject. But this is a start. You can use this simple information presented here to make a difference in your life immediately.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Your Need For Security & Giving Up


How much does your need and desire for security hold you from allowing yourself to have the 'real' thing? Or how much of the 'real' thing have you given up in the past in order to ensure that you have guarantees and security in that arena of your life?

I meant to make this only about love, but it also happens in our professions: in what we choose to do with our lives, and in so many other, perhaps more secondary arenas, such as the friends we choose (or the people we choose to spend time with, which may or may not be the same thing), and the daily activities in which we participate.

Let's look at love first: did you fear the vulnerability you felt in an early relationship (one of those that knocks the socks off of you) and decide that feeling secure was better? This is not a question of right or wrong, but one of discerning where growth takes place, and one of recognizing that frequently when we choose security we give up on discovery. 

We can apply the same thing to what we choose to do with our lives. Is there a real purpose in yours? Or did you set it (the real purpose that you felt as an inner excitement whenever you considered it) aside because no one would have understood the direction in which you were taking your life and that would have meant rejection or disapproval, or perhaps even ridicule or pity? These are not easy questions, but I was reminded of this once again as I recently re-read some passages from the excellent book Diane Esbon edited of Joseph Campbell's works titled Reflections of the Art of Living. In it, he writes: the hero's journey always begins with the call. One way or another, a guide must come to say, "Look, you're in Sleepy Land. Wake. Come on a trip. There's a whole aspect of your consciousness, your being, that's not been touched. So you're at home here? Well, there's not enough of you there." And so it starts. And a bit further down, Campbell continues: The call is to leave a certain social situation, move into your own loneliness and find the jewel, the center that's impossible to find when you're socially engaged. You are thrown off-center, and when you feel off-center, it's time to go. This is the departure when the hero feels something has been lost and goes to find it. You are to cross the threshold into new life. It's a dangerous adventure, because you are moving out of the sphere of knowledge of you and your community.

And as stated earlier, this can apply not only to your 'calling' but to all spheres of your life. So: are you going out there for the real thing, the one that speaks to your soul, and the one that will move you forward to another level, or are you giving up on it for the sake of guarantees, safety, and security?

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon ab April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Monday, February 16, 2015

Shifting Your Paradigm


Changing the way you deal with your world, both inner and outer, can create overall improvement in life quality, ranging from the relatively minor to the spectacular.
  • You may believe that how you feel depends on outer circumstances (especially when they are not optimal).
  • You may believe that it is important to prove to others that you are right (on those occasions when you are, indeed, right).
  • You may believe that you are justified in listening to others criticize people who are obviously doing something you believe is wrong.
  • You may believe that when certain problems arise, there simply are no solutions.
Complacent

If you believe in any or all of these positions, might I suggest that you may have allowed your mindset to be lulled into complacency – not a comfortable complacency, mind you, but one that makes you believe you have no choice in the matter.

We are socialized into such a type of belief early on in our lives. Our parents, our school system, organized religion and most importantly, mass media all play a role in bringing us to such a place of complacency. What happens when you are complacent? What do you do? The question really is: what don’t you do?

Complacency is antithetical to being pro-active. In other words, when you are complacent, you’re not out there looking for solutions or new ways of doing things because you’re firmly mired in this belief that there are no solutions or other ways of doing things than the way you’ve always done them.
And that is precisely where shifting YOUR paradigm comes into the picture.

3-D Vision

If you had never been able to see in 3D (the way most of us see naturally), you would have a flat, two dimensional way of seeing. Nothing would be in stereo, in 3D. And if you did not know there was another way of seeing, you would accept your flat way as being the only way. Sound strange? This is exactly what happened to Susan Barry, who was born cross-eyed, had an operation to correct that, but the operation took place after she had already turned two, and that is too late to correct the eyes in such a way to be able to see in 3D. So to Susan, her ‘flat’ way was the only way. And she was already in her 20’s when she discovered there was another way: the 3D way most of us see. Now this was not an uneducated woman from some lost town who never read a newspaper. She is a professor of neuroscience and realized the truth about the glitch in her vision during a class in neurophysiology. From that point forward, until she was nearly 50, no one, not an ophthalmologist, not a neuroscientist, no one at all ever gave her any indication that she might do something about her vision. And she was convinced that it did not really make much of a difference.

Until one day she went to a cocktail party, ran into Oliver Sacks, physician, best-selling author of numerous books including The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat, and professor of neurology and psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center, who asked her: “Do you think you can imagine what it’s like to see the world with two eyes?”

To make a long story short, she eventually was fortunate enough (after this conversation with Sacks) to have contact with vision therapist Dr. Theresa Ruggiero who helped Barry – through a series of exercises – gain stereovision or 3D – for the first time in her life at the age of 50. You can read about it and hear an audio with Barry herself here.

Radical Paradigm Shift
  
Back to our paradigm shift. Barry’s paradigm of complacency or false belief that nothing could be done to change her vision underwent a radical shift thanks to new information she received from Drs. Sacks and Ruggiero. And so it can be with all of us on the level of changing how we live within ourselves and with regards to what happens in our outer world. 
  • Our outer circumstances need not determine how we feel or react at any given point in time. Of course the new information we need in order to change that paradigm of complacency and that false belief (just as Barry exercised her eyes endlessly to gain 3D vision): 
    • Is that we need to exercise our intention and conscious awareness to be fully responsible for ourselves, i.e., responsible for the state of our inner well-being.
    • This means that what happens on the outside may not be great, or even may even be bad, but you know that you will be able to bring yourself to a state of inner harmony (with exercise, just as Barry), no matter what.
  • We need not prove to another that we are right (even when we truly are). Of course the new information we need in order to change that paradigm of complacency and that false belief:
    • Is that our ego is the part of us that needs to prove we are right, no matter what, but to what end? Does that make life better for us? Does it make us more valuable, of greater worth?
    • No. It’s the ego, because what the ego wants is to feel more than the other. More powerful, more intelligent, more knowledgeable, etc.
    • This also requires dedicated exercise. You no more silence the ego just by thinking you want to do so, than Barry saw 3D just by thinking she wanted to do so.
  • We need not believe that we are justified in listening to others criticize people who are obviously doing something we believe is wrong. Of course the new information we need in order to change that paradigm of complacency and that false belief:
    • Is that we feel infinitely better on all levels without resorting to such complacent behavior, that at best is smug and self-serving, and at worst is stooping to outright denigration and cruelty.
    • It brings to mind the words of Margaret Mead: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
    • This – as all our other examples – requires awareness of the self and practice, or exercise. We will not stop doing this just by thinking we want to.
  • We need not believe that when certain problems arise, there simply are no solutions. Of course the new information we need in order to change that paradigm of complacency and that false belief:
    • Is that although a solution may not appear immediately, another, albeit not in the direction we may have initially desired, will appear.
    • This requires not only openness to something that is different from what we fervently want as a solution, but may also be helped along by bearing in mind the words of Krishnamurti, who said, with regards to his secret for happiness: “I don’t mind what happens”.
    • This takes you full circle to our first example. Whatever happens in the outside world, once you have begun this process of YOUR own paradigm shift, no longer has the power to bring you to a state of impotence, pain, stress or worry because you will have learned how to return to a state of equanimity and inner balance very quickly. But it requires practice with intention and awareness.
You are here to be happy. You are here to love yourself. You are here to reconnect with your inner divine self, and in so doing, you are here to be a shining light to all those who experience you.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram


Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Thursday, February 12, 2015

Soothing Yourself


Self-soothing is a topic I've covered extensively in my books, in particular in Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self because if you have not learned how to soothe yourself in a healthy way when bad stuff happens - as it invariably does - you may clutch whatever is close to you - and it may not be a healthy choice - in order to soothe yourself.

Babies are frequently given pacifiers to suck on as they presumably connect in the baby's brain to the delights and soothing presence of mother's breast and the warm milk it offers. We understand such self-soothing.

But let's look at a four-year-old who never got into the habit of having a pacifier, who now finds himself in a difficult playground situation at his pre-school. The teacher hasn't noticed, his mother isn't around to give him a quick hug, and what he now does will depend on numerous factors, including what he has learned (and observed) at home, his own particular character, and of course, the specific circumstances. So let's say he wanders off to sit in a corner and cry. It may help him feel a bit comforted, but it might not be his best alternative. Or he may smack the other child. Again, he may feel better, but this alternative is also not optimal. Perhaps there are some cookies available to the children after the playground activities and so he sidles into the room where they are normally found and helps himself to a handful. Again, he feels comforted, but this may also not be he best alternative. Another option is to go to the teacher and lay his burden into her adult arms. This may meet with varying results, hopefully he will feel soothed, but it might also not be optimal.

Let's fast forward. Our little person is now a grown woman in her 20's. Let's imagine a scenario that would require some self-soothing. Perhaps there has been an altercation at the office with a colleague or superior, perhaps there is a disappointment in some personal situation that our young woman heard about over the phone while at work. What are some self-soothing mechanisms that might spring into place? One woman might go talk about it with a friend at work, or on the phone, another woman might use lunch to do some retail therapy, another one might leave, go home and hide under the covers, another might take a tranquilizer while still at work, another one might wait until after work to have a good number of glasses of wine at her favorite Happy Hour place, and another might make an appointment with her therapist. Not all of these self-soothing mechanisms are optimal, although clearly some are healthier than others.

What should a healthy self-soothing mechanism do for us? Part of it is that we find a way to feel better, or more in control, or less shaky - less affected by the event. We might put it another way and say that it should offer us a way to find some inner calm, peace, and equilibrium, where we ourselves are the motor that puts this into place.

How can we get there? You must pay close attention (part of being aware and mindful) to your self-dialogue, because it is there that much of your lack of self-soothing lies. If you don't begin to speak differently to yourself when something less than good occurs, you will forever walk down paths of unhealthy self-soothing. Changing the inner dialogue is very much like changing channels on your TV. You consciously decide to focus elsewhere, or to tell yourself what is happening in a different way. For this to work, it is paramount to practice being aware - practice mindfulness as I so very often recommend on this (and my other) blog. Practice loving yourself (I wrote a whole book about this The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self), because the more you love yourself, the more you will automatically do all of these things. This - as so much else - is your choice. Choose well.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Are You in a Deep Hole?


Being on top of the world is not something everyone experiences at all times. Obviously. Being in a deep hole might sound a bit more familiar to many. The hole generally begins due to a 'situation' in your life that is not very good (although the starting factor may also reside entirely within your head, and I'll discuss that below):
  • losing a partner
  • losing a job
  • a poor health diagnosis
  • unexpected financial issues
Certainly you'll be able to come up with many more scenarios.

But let's dissect one of these, or let's - as is sometimes referred to in motivational literature chunk it down into its component pieces in order to see how an external situation may land you in a deep hole, and what you can do about it so that despite the situation you don't land there. Let's use the poor health diagnosis as our example.

Here is how it typically evolves from being a situation to landing you in a deep hole:
  • you receive a diagnosis from a doctor
  • you are told (or know) that it's not necessarily something that will kill you, but it's not good
  • you may start breathing differently due to the effect of this information hitting your brain (and heart)
  • if you were alone at the doctor's office, you may now go home or back to work
  • as you do so, thoughts start churning
  • you allow this (in fact, you may not even be aware that you could do something about it)
  • those thoughts create greater anxiety and worry in you
  • your adrenaline and stress levels increase, although again, you may not be directly aware of this happening, nor are you directly aware of the fact that these levels are increasing more due to your thoughts about your situation, than due to your situation
  • by now you are at home, or at work, and you choose one or two people to whom you can tell your story (or perhaps you already began telling your story to someone on the way home or to work via your phone)
  • with each repetition of your story, your anxiety or worry increases
  • perhaps well-meaning others are now telling you about someone they know who has/had the same thing as you, and what their doctor had them do (the point is, your life is currently revolving around this event in your life: the diagnosis)
  • over dinner perhaps you resolve not to discuss the matter, but your thoughts continue churning, and you notice that you are not participating in the conversation with your family, the way you normally might do
  • you find it hard to focus on the movie on TV
  • you take out your laptop and start researching whatever your diagnosis is, and instead of looking for information that might be of use, you go to a forum where everyone gives opinions, or paints horror stories about their own situation: the point being that none of this information if of benefit to you
  • exhausted, you go to bed, toss and turn because your thoughts continue to churn, and when you finally fall asleep, it's not a relaxing sleep, and next morning you continue to be exhausted
  • and filled with anxiety
  • several more days pass like this
  • your levels of anxiety and stress increase
  • you are now officially in a deep hole that will only get deeper if you continue doing what has brought you to this place
When the situation is not something occurring in your external world, but something that is going on inside of you, such as a concern you have (with little or no foundation) that a partner might not be true to you, or that you will not live longer than your mother who died at age 80, or that you are not yet successful, because you have not attained this or that, the scenario is very similar to what I described above. You start thinking about the concern you have, and before you know it, you are embroiled in the same kind of rumination described above, with just as much anxiety and stress, and with adrenaline levels pumping.

So what are some alternatives? The best ones that I know of involve being in charge of your thoughts, being aware of - being mindful of - what you are thinking in every moment of the present, and realizing that what you think creates much of how you feel about anything at all. Here are some short posts that can serve as a guideline.
As always, this is a choice you can make. You decide how much of your life you spend in a deep hole or not.

Image Credit: Caters News Agency


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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Friday, February 6, 2015

Energy Set in Motion By Your Intentions


When you intend to go walking, you probably wind up taking a walk. When you intend to cook a pot of chili, in all likelihood, your family will sit down to chili that evening. When you intend to be kind, loving, or compassionate, you also set a specific energy into motion. But what happens when you intend to hurt, to harm, to lie, to damage, to insult, to belittle, to discourage, to compare, to criticize, to judge, to dislike? In the same way you set your walk 'into motion' by intending it, and in the same way you set your chili 'into motion' by intending to make it, so do you also set into motion another kind of energy when you intend any of the other scenarios indicated above.

You may - at first - not be aware of this, believing that all you are doing is reacting to someone who deserves whatever it is you are intending. (And of course, if they have said or done something that you are now reacting to, we might say that they were the first to set an intention into motion which released a specific kind of energy). However - you are not responsible for them, only for yourself, and therefore, even if you are reacting to something that was said or done to you, you are - with your intention - setting an energy in motion that could be toxic. It was Gary Zukav who wrote (in the late 80's): every intention sets energy into motion whether you are conscious of it or not.

Of course this begs the question why it may also happen that an individual has good intentions and very bad results. Martin Luther King, could be one of countless examples. But is it only important to look at the immediate results - the fact that he was assassinated? Or does it perhaps make more sense to consider that due to his intentions, segregation and a host of other racial ills in the USA were dealt with and faced in ways that might not have happened - or might have taken much longer - had it not been for MLK?

Think of the occasions in your life that you may have offered a hand to someone - in whatever fashion - with the intention of being companionable, kind, considerate, etc., and received a very negative reaction from that person. Here - if you only examine it from the point of view of the immediate reaction of that person in your life - you will conclude that your 'good' intention set off a negative energy. But how about this: is it not also possible that some of the more positive energy that comes back to you due to your intention is that you learn something from this encounter (assuming you are willing to look at it from more than just the perspective of blaming the other), and that you grow because of it?

Energy - in the way I am using it in this post - is intangible, and is often only recognized in hindsight. But realize that you - and I - and all of us - are part of it, and we contribute to its increase or decrease or its improvement not just by our words and deeds, but also by our inner energetic intentions.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Have You Finished Changing?


Remember how it was when you were in kindergarten? And how much you had changed by the time you got to high school? How about that book you read by Nietzsche (or Jung, or Suzuki, or anyone you care to mention)? Didn't that create a wave of change? And then again, when you started dating, you changed even more. The way you began to see yourself as you dated in those years, created further change. When one of your early serious 'dates' decided to stop seeing you, the inner turmoil created by that decision, and how you dealt with it, changed you again. As did your determination to get the absolutely best grade point average possible at your school. And when you moved away from home to the city where you went to university you changed again, and when you decided to drop your major in economics and move over to architecture instead, well, that was an enormous change.

What about that first part-time job you had to help pay for your tuition? That made you change, didn't it? The interactions you had with the people there had a role in that. As did the fact that you did not like the job, but needed the money. And then, after you graduated, the first real job you had, you found yourself changing again. As you did when you bought your first car with your own money; your first house; or paid for your first major vacation with money you had earned. And again, you changed when you married, when you had children, and when you received a promotion at work that put you in charge of 12 people.

Another big promotion set you off to another city on the other side of the country, and more responsibilities, and again you changed, as you did when you were transferred to an even more involved professional position in a foreign country. You changed when you met that person with whom you subsequently had an affair, and you changed when you got divorced, and you changed when you resolved all the details about your children with your ex-spouse. You changed when you learned French, and you changed when you took a six-month sabbatical and spent it in Nepal. When your father died you changed again, and when you realized your youngest child was now the age you were when you got married, and by means of the prism of your child's life, you look back at the years of your own life that have gone by so quickly.

So my point is this: have you finished changing now? Can you sit back and relax because nothing needs to change anymore? Is your life all set and secured?

I hope your answer is no, no matter what your age and circumstances. I hope you realize that it is only as long as change is occurring that you will continue to grow. I hope you know that lack of change equates to lack of growth and therefore to stagnation, and finally, I hope that you avidly seek change as a fascinating element of your life. It was Benjamin Franklin who said when you are finished changing, you're finished.

Image: Ama Dablam, one of the most stunning peaks in the Himalaya



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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now also out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Find more free articles from my monthly newsletters as well as more information about my work at Advanced Personal Therapy

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram