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"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Your Reactions to Life


Your reactions say a lot about you and your chances for living a content and satisfied life. Your reactions have little or nothing to do with what actually happens and all or almost everything to do with your choices.

In order to come to a place inside of you where you are capable of choosing a reaction rather than being reactive, or reacting blindly, it is of prime importance to be aware of yourself. Without awareness, it is almost impossible to be in a position to choose.

Imagine for a moment leaving your home 10 minutes later than you should have, and so reacting by becoming more and more stressed. Your commute is on a crowded freeway, you are obviously in a hurry to get to work, and some asinine idiot in front of you almost provokes an accident. Add now to your already stressed frame of mind, your anger at this person's carelessness...your logical reaction to a typical driving situation.

So, stressed and angry, you now head for the Starbuck's just around the corner from your place of employment to get the large lowfat latte so that at least with that you have a moment of respite, but a new employee is being trained, and so your wait time is double what it normally is, and your impatience bubbles up as you pay and make a less than polite comment about the lack of efficiency of the management of the place to be training new personnel at such a time of day.

Stressed, angry, and impatient, you now arrive in your office, and your secretary tells you that your immediate superior has been asking for you for ten minutes...and of course, you are ten minutes late due to all of the above. As it is the second time you've been late this week, and as unfortunately your supervisor became a witness to it the last time as well, you now add worry to your list of reactions that are causing your day to go rapidly downhill.

And it's only 8:40 in the morning.

How could this scenario - this very common scenario - look different with some awareness? (Remember, awareness allows choice).

As you leave the house ten late minutes and feel the stress rising, you could have a brief mental conversation with yourself. You could tell yourself that becoming stressed might put you into greater danger on the crowded freeway, that becoming stressed would simply raise your adrenaline levels and make you feel even worse, and that you do, in fact, have a choice about it. That you can choose an alternative to stress, and that is to accept the fact that you have left 10 minutes too late and that all you can do is go with the ride (apart from determining not to do this again tomorrow), listen to some soothing music, or a motivational CD by one of your favorite speakers (as I advocate in many of my articles), and get yourself to work as safely and in an as expedited manner as possible.

As the careless driver almost causes an accident, you again can choose your reaction. Is it necessary to get angry? Will things be better if you get angry? No, but wouldn't you get angry if someone were so careless on such a busy road? Isn't it natural to get angry? Well, it may be natural simply because that is the reaction of most people who are unaware, but it is not your best choice. And this article is about showing you how your choices make up your morning, your day, your week, your year, your life, and so if you can choose alternatives that contribute to your well-being rather than feeling awful, then wouldn't you say that those choices are wise and eminently effective? So in this case of getting angry, choose rather to be grateful that nothing did indeed happen, and that you can continue on your way to the office. Or choose to simply ignore the incident, saying to yourself that it is not worth losing your state of well-being over someone so careless. You see how this works?

Your impatience with the new employee (or the training personnel) who is valiently trying to get you your latte could be shelved in a similar way: what do I gain by becoming impatient? I feel worse and worse. Will it get me to my office more quickly? Obviously not. So what is the point? I might just as well be peaceful within myself and wait. (Careful - I am not advocating allowing others to trespass your boundaries. If something unacceptable happens, you will need to speak up. But speaking up still does not imply going to a place inside of you where you no longer feel good...it simply means respecting yourself enough to speak up about the situation...for more on this see articles about boundaries on my website.

Finally, your worry about your supervisor's potential reaction to your tardy arrival at the office is also not productive. It will put you into a more negative frame of mind prior to your meeting with this person, and therefore your reactions in conversation with him or her may be less effective than if you continued to be in a positive frame of mind. So again, have a conversation with yourself. Is the worry of any use? No. (It might be useful to wake up a bit earlier every morning in order not to have this escalation of circumstances). Therefore the best attitude will be to face the potential music, have a plan in mind to indicate how you will ensure this will not happen in future, and you may be surprised to note that when you do meet with your supervisor in this more positive frame of mind that you have deliberately chosen from a menu of choices, that the conversation is not about your late arrival at all, but about a new advertising campaign you will be working on...

Your reactions to things, events, words, actions of others, etc., determine the quality of your life. From a position of self-awareness choose those alternatives that contribute to your well-being, and that will therefore raise your energetic frequency, and improve the overall quality of your life.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Thursday, December 3, 2015

5 Keys to Greater Emotional Generosity


Emotional generosity is not something that is simply there in all of us. Depending on your degree of psycho-emotional issues, your self-awareness, and your hold on your 'reactivity' in given situations, you may have difficulty with this - whether with a partner, family members, friends, or others. Here are some elementary keys to help yourself gain a greater degree of emotional generosity:
  1. The less you have learned to love yourself, the less you will be able to be emotionally generous with others. Check out some of my earlier posts on self-love here
  2. Also look at poor boundaries that are closely related to difficulty with emotional generosity as well as poor self-love here
  3. Likewise it is critical that you begin to practice full self-responsibility for all you think, feel, say and do, and especially for how you react in the face of all and any circumstances. Only when you have this in hand, will it become more and more easy to be emotionally generous.
  4. The more you are able to feel compassion for others, the more you will be able to be emotionally generous with them. Compassion is one of the most accessible bridges to emotions and emotional generosity. It is also a magnificent adjunct to love. Check out this article on compassion here
  5. Being conscious and aware of yourself is one of the best roads to greater emotional generosity because being conscious and aware will allow you to choose your reactions as opposed to being reactive. Check out some of my earlier posts on awareness here
I'm not pretending you will achieve this just by reading this short post, but you will be on the road to achieving it if you begin to incorporate some of these ideas into your life on a daily basis, even if you do so in tiny increments. It's a goal worth attaining and one worth working for!

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Friday, November 27, 2015

Who is Lying to You?


Surely the most dreadful thing about the liars in our lives is the fact that they do exactly what their description implies: they tell us untruths about something. If we then believe whatever they have lied about, we have incorrect information about something and will proceed on the basis of that incorrect information. Hence we take decisions that are wrong, we may walk down paths that lead us to destinations we were not looking for and conversely - will not lead us to the place we wanted to get to.

What if those liars in our lives were frequently our own fears that feed us with false information? They tell us:
  • that will never work
  • you'll never be able to do that
  • if you try that, you'll fail
  • if you try that, you'll fail and look ridiculous in front of your friends
  • that is much too hard
  • that is much too advanced
  • no one has ever done that before, so it can't possibly be of any value
It was Kipling who said. Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are your own fears. And of course, if we listen to those fears as listed above, we may be convinced by something which may in fact, be a blatant lie.
  • It might work (ask Richard Branson when he started up Virgin Airlines)
  • you might be able to do it (ask Edison when he tried hundreds of times to make a light bulb)
  • if you try that, you might succeed (ask Bethany Hamilton, who got back up on a surf board to compete professionally after losing one of her arms to a shark)
  • if you try that, it might work, and you won't look ridiculous in front of your friends (how about asking Bill Gates, when he left Harvard and set up shop in his parents' garage?)
  • that just might not be too hard (ask Mandela when he began 28 years of prison in Robben Island)
  • that might not be too advanced (ask any researcher on the cutting edge of any given discipline)
  • even though no one has done that before, it just might be  of value (ask film director James Cameron as he ventures into deep underwater photography that has never been successfully done before).
So it bears mentioning that our own fears might be our own worst enemy and certainly might be the liars in our lives. Perhaps we all need to take a look at those fears we harbour and ask ourselves how much of what they are saying to us is a lie.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Moving From Judgement to Love


If you aspire to become a concert pianist, it stands to reason that you will practice the piano on a daily basis. You know that if you don't, you have little hope of reaching your goal. If you want to play with the greats at Wimbledon, it also stands to reason that you will practice playing tennis on a daily basis. Again, you know that if you don't, you have little hope of reaching your goal. And of course, if you were raised in China, and want to become proficient in English, you know that you have little hope of reaching your goal if you don't do something within the general parameters of working on learning that language on a daily basis.

But what about all those of us who yearn to live more attuned to our sacred self: our soul? Or perhaps those of us who simply want to be better human beings? Kinder, more compassionate, more loving? This is not a topic I haven't already blogged about, but there is - I believe - always something else to be said about it, that just might help one or the other (including myself) to move a little further down that road to spiritual improvement and growth.

Try this: when you enter into a space with another (whether it's your partner, your child, your parent, your sibling, your friend or neighbor, a colleague, a boss, a subordinate, or the news vendor or shoe-shine person on the street), ask yourself how can I serve? Asking that question will allow you to very rapidly notice the thoughts in you that may be judgemental, critical, or somehow negative with regards to that person. And noticing this, will very rapidly bring you back to your question in a new way: how can I serve if I am being judgemental or critical?

This post is not about not upholding healthy boundaries, nor is it about not loving your self, or loving others before you love yourself. But it is very much about recognizing that without the intention to have a daily practice of aware loving-ness, kindness, and compassion, in all situations - and then to follow through on that intention - none of us has true hope for reaching that goal of living more attuned to our sacred self, of being better human beings, and of moving a little further down the road to spiritual improvement.

***************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

The Spirit of the Child


A child's capacity for total concentration on a task at hand (building a sand castle, making a fort with boxes and blankets, observing ants marching into their colony loaded with bits of a crumb, watching leaves fall from trees in the autumn and then racing through them enjoying their rustling sound), and then finding overwhelming joy in it, is something we tend to lose as we grow older.

I believe (from personal experience) that a good portion of this is lack of attention, or, better said, lack of conscious mindfulness (not to mention our society's constant quest for the outer, the material, and all that which does not emanate from within) on our part as we grow older. Our mind becomes splintered, we think of many things at once, or we multi-task (mea culpa) thinking we are being more efficient (although research now indicates it is quite the opposite).

Being conscious implies being aware of everything about yourself and everything that surrounds you. If you are conscious of your thoughts, but not of your surroundings, your state of awareness is not complete. You might very consciously be thinking about your problems and how best to solve them, but not see the natural beauty that surrounds you. You might very consciously be thinking about those same problems, but not be aware of the fact that your solar plexus is twisting in discomfort (as it always does when you think about that particular problem).

And of course being mindful implies being present. Being here and now. Being in this moment.

Therefore, we might say that conscious mindfulness implies being consciously aware of the here and now and using that state of being conscious to maintain yourself in the here and now.

Children might not be able to explain - cognitively - that they are doing precisely this, but that is what allows them their capacity for concentration and joy. It was Aldous Huxley who said: the secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm.

Does your spirit still know how to be a child? If not, go somewhere, do something today that may not be useful, but does bring you joy. Perhaps you could take a walk where leaves have fallen from trees and collect some, just to revel in their colors and shapes. Perhaps you could walk on a beach and examine the intricacies of shells. Perhaps you could study snowflakes as they cling to the outside of your living room window, and marvel in the fact that none is the same as any other. Perhaps you could make yourself a delicious dish you have never tried to cook before. Perhaps you could buy a 1000-piece puzzle and put it together. Perhaps you could join an art class, a writing class, a photography class, in order to take up something you had forgotten you loved so long ago. Perhaps you could converse deeply with your pet, or plant new flowers, build a snowman, or skip and dance about your house in tune to your inner music (or if you have not yet remembered what it was, do the dancing in tune to music you can find on your CD player, radio, TV, or laptop/tablet. The possibilities are endless, and if you can't think of any, please just talk to a child, and ask it for suggestions!


***************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Friday, November 13, 2015

Are You Nourishing Your Soul?


We go to inspiring seminars seeking to connect to our soul. We attend retreats, go to church, or to an ashram, practice yoga, pray, or chant mantras, meditate, become mindful, and read books by those who profess to move us in the direction of our soul.

And then we walk down the street and see the Eastern European woman holding out her hand (in our Western European country) for money. Or we run into the colleague at work who always has the knack of annoying us. Or we are faced with a recalcitrant teen who happens to live under our roof. Or we are greeted by an out-of-sorts spouse as we arrive at home. Or the bureaucrat who stalls our swift and efficient progress through a system of red tape, or the friend who never fails to beat us at tennis, or the parent who always phones at the most inconvenient moment.

And what do we do? Amazingly, all those inspiring seminars, retreats, church sermons, ashrams, yoga practices, prayers, mantras, meditations, mindfulness, and books fly out of mind, and we lose our patience. Or we raise our eyebrows and make a face. Or we think thoughts of criticism, judgement, moral superiority, or even anger.

These moments, these situations we run across almost on a daily basis (these or others that are similar), are our greatest opportunities to nourish and move closer to the soul. Why? Because at these moments we can remember (or practice) to be kind, generous, and compassionate. As King Solomon put it: your own soul is nourished when you are kind.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Are You Living the Life You Want to Live?


Almost another year come and gone. Did you make resolutions eleven months ago when those New Year's bells chimed? Did you keep them? What questions did you ask yourself in the process? And isn't one of the most frequent questions that line from the old song: Is this all there is?

Is This All There Is?

Let’s look at that for a moment…”is this all there is?”…if this is all there is, then that would depend on something, right? In other words, the fact that this is all there is would have to have a reason. Maybe your family was poor and couldn’t afford to give you an Ivy League education, maybe your mother was bi-polar and your early environment set you up for failure, or maybe your father had cancer and spent five years of your early childhood dying a painful death, or maybe you married a loser, or maybe you made a bad business decision and after that everything went down the tube, or maybe your child is a drug addict, or maybe you had dreams of being a ballerina, but only made it to high school gym teacher because you broke your ankle when you were 14 in such a way that prevented you from ever becoming a first-rate dancer.

Whose Fault Is It?

So what we’re saying here is that there is always something or someone to blame. Right? Wrong. (See also my article The “Why Did This Happen To Me Syndrome?”). Living the life you want to live depends much more on your inner attitude to all the things that happen to you in life, than on the actual things that happen.

Let’s repeat that. If you want to live a certain way and are not living that way yet, the results you currently have are much more the product of how you constantly react to all the things that do happen, than the fault of any external event that may influence your life course.

What does that mean?

Attitude

It literally means that you have the power to influence outcomes in your life by your inner attitude to your life and everything that goes on in it. Hocus pocus, you say. Attitude, I say. Think of the girl who goes to the dance confident of herself, happy to be going, and convinced that she will have a good time. Even if she is not nearly the prettiest girl there, she will shine, and stand out, simply because of her inner attitude. We’ve all been in a social situation and scratched our heads mentally, asking ourselves how on earth it is that someone who really doesn’t look very special, and may not necessarily be wearing the most fashionable clothes, or driving the most luxurious car, or be the most intelligent or interesting person there, is nevertheless the most popular or sought-out person there. Now think of the girl who goes to the party thinking her dress or her hair is all wrong, and that surely no one will ask her to dance. Guess where she will be as the confident girl sails by in dance after dance? Holding up the wall, naturally. Attitude.

Let’s use another example. Job interviews. Does the person with the best curriculum and the highest grades always get the job? Not necessarily. Attitude plays a large role.

Faith

Attitude contains within itself a large grain of faith. It’s not religious faith, but it’s a kissing cousin, because it involves a kind of blind belief akin to followers of religious orientations. In this case, however, it’s faith in oneself. Faith in the rightness of what one is doing. Faith in the ultimate outcome. And it’s often blind faith because whatever it is one is seeking to do, wishing to accomplish, or trying to figure out how to manifest in one’s life, has never yet actually happened.

Obviously there are many things that an individual can do in order to move the process forward. You can get an education in a specific field, you can train for a specific activity, you can hone your character, you can attempt to meet influential people who may help you move forward, etc. However, much of the above is at best only partially useful without the right attitude. A winning attitude, you might say, of which you are convinced. Quite a bit different from the attitude some people take of trying to convince others of the fact that they have this inner positive attitude.

Getting There

All right, already, I hear you saying. Clue me in on this winning attitude, on this inner positive way of seeing life…how do I acquire it? Not only do I not have such an attitude, but I really don’t much believe in myself. Admittedly, my office attracts many clients whose self confidence and sense of self worth is not the best. But read on, it is not an impossible quest.

You did say you‘re not living the life you want to live, right? And you didn’t think it was all just a question of snapping your fingers, right? But it’s truly not very much harder. (See also my March 2006 Newsletter: Intentional Focus).

Again, the main ingredient here is attitude. Impossible, you say? The content of this article is just ridiculous? Well, there you go: attitude. Let’s give it a try, you say? Let’s read on and see what this writer has to say. Notice that if that is your decision, it also says something about your attitude.

Choosing to Decide That You Have a Choice

So how do you go from living a life you don’t want to live, to living one you do want to live? How do you begin to believe in yourself if you don’t? How do you stop having agonizing relationships or downbeat jobs? One of the books I’ve recommended in the past is William Glasser’s Choice Theory. Dr. Glasser and I concur about many of the topics I’ve addressed over the past 10 years for those of you following the articles I write for my monthly newsletters (now in English, Spanish & German) and similarly, much of what I addressed on my weekly radio show (2004-2010), in particular, with the question of choice (see also my article Making Choices). If you begin to open yourself to the possibility that every thought, feeling, action, and reaction that you have is not only your responsibility but also your choice, you begin to understand the magnitude of the sentence that if you are not living the life you want to live, it is also your choice – no matter what the conditions of your upbringing, your circumstances, your partner, or your health are – that your life is not as you would wish it to be.

Whew. C.G. Jung put it this way: Free will is the ability to do gladly that which I must do.

Choice and Focus

So what can you do right now, today, at this very moment to begin to change your life and bring it more into alignment with that which you would like to see in your life? Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want. Focus on where you want to go, not on where you think you might go if things don’t work out well. Focus on the best possible outcome, even if you don’t yet know how to get from here to there. Focus on what quickens your breath, focus on what makes your blood pound, focus on what sets your heart hammering when you think about it, but don’t focus on your fears about how it all might not work out. When your mind goes into the space where you find yourself thinking about how it might not work, or what terrible thing will happen if you don’t achieve this or get that by the end of the month, or in five months or ten years or by the time you’re 25, or 40, or 72, recognize where your mind is taking you, and begin to exercise a totally new muscle that allows you to choose the thoughts you have at all times. As soon as you notice that your thoughts are going in directions that vary with your purpose, focus, and attitude, choose to change the direction of those thoughts. It is absolutely your choice to focus differently. In making that choice, changes will begin to happen in your life.

Remember that whatever you focus on initially might need some adjustment. A sculptor may see a vision of his finished work of art in his mind’s eye, but as he begins to prepare the marble and work on it, due to the vein in the material, or due, perhaps, to changes that have taken place in the sculptor’s mind, as he grows and matures, the final version may vary slightly or a lot from the initial vision. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as you also learn to adjust as you go along, always remembering that the adjustment must be aligned with your purpose, positive focus, and attitude.


Your life is a reflection of your inner being, your thoughts and feelings, and above all, of the choices you make on a moment-by-moment basis. Learn this, use it, see how these choices begin making first small, and then larger differences in your life, and begin to live the life you want to live. It is never too late to start. A Chinese proverb states: The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The next best time is today ...
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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

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