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"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Why Do You Think It's Love?


It's so easy to mistake our own needs for love when we find someone who somehow fits nicely into the gap those needs have created in us.

If you're not good at loving yourself, and someone comes along who appears to love you, you will generally (gladly and happily) jump to the nearly foregone conclusion that this is the real thing - this is love in capital letters, in other words, it means that you are in love. If you're hesitant in public situations and someone comes along who appears to be strong in those situations, and furthermore appears to loves you, again, you will generally (gladly and happily) jump to the nearly foregone conclusion that this is the real thing - this is love in capital letters, in other words, it means that you are in love.

If your mother or father was slightly cool or rejecting or simply not good at expressing his/her emotions towards you, and if you missed out on being 'loved' in that more overtly affectionate and warm way you saw other children getting hugs and kisses, then if someone comes along who reminds a part of you (subliminally) of one of them in that slightly cool way, but who is also very attractive in many other ways, and who furthermore appears to be interested in you, then you will generally (gladly and happily) jump to the nearly foregone conclusion that this is the real thing - this is love in capital letters, in other words, it means that you are in love.

This is merely a small selection of the many scenarios that can occur when you fall in love, and particularly when you either repeat patterns (via projections) that originated in earlier parts of your life, or when you go looking for that which you have not yet fulfilled in yourself in the other - in the potential partner.

In all of these cases you assume that your feelings indicate that you are in love - and in some ways, indeed you are! But much of it has to do with having fallen in love with yourself (or with the potential of yourself) through the eyes of the other - because you are not yet capable of seeing yourself in that loving way without the other's reflection to show you to yourself, and so this means that rather than truly loving the other, you are, as said, actually loving yourself in that reflected way, and that may often lead to heartache and pain. When the other leaves you or is no longer in your life for any number of reasons, you will no longer have the mirror and hence will find yourself bereft in ways that can cause great emotional pain, and even physical nausea, and one of the most important reasons is that you are no longer able to love yourself in that way that you could while the other person's love for you allowed you to see yourself in ways you are not capable of on your own ... until you learn how to love yourself.

This is an extensive topic and certainly not one that can be covered in a brief post, but one thing is clear: as long as you are not aware of yourself and of your own unfulfilled needs, and as long as you go about your life looking for what is missing in yourself in the other, you will find it difficult to find lasting relationships filled with harmony and love.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch


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