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"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Friday, October 18, 2013

Learning to Soothe


You've seen small children holding their blanket, or a favorite teddy bear, or perhaps even sucking on a thumb. We all understand what it means - the language is universal, the child is soothing itself after an event that has upset it in some fashion. As the child grows older, it learns other ways of soothing itself - or not. Much of this depends on the example it sees from its parents and other adults or older children in its surroundings. If those other adults have not learned healthy self-soothing mechanisms, then of course it will be difficult for the small child to emulate them in constructive way.

Fast forward: the child is now an adult. When he/she gets upset, he goes to the refrigerator for a snack. Or grabs a beer, or glass of wine, or a whiskey. Or perhaps he/she goes out to find some excitement: some adrenaline-raising activity that will keep his mind off whatever it was that upset him. Or perhaps he/she will resort to more addictive substances. Or to anger, or depression, or moodiness, or sadness. When self-soothing takes a wrong turn, it can go down many different roads, none of which are helpful, and most of which simply - in the long run - make matters worse.

So what can you do if you find that you fit into one or more of the above descriptions?

You start by becoming aware of your inner state at all times. Then you proceed to monitor your thoughts, because the stories you tell yourself about whatever it is that is upsetting you determine to a large degree how you feel about it (yes - you can choose how you feel), and you begin to tell yourself different stories. In other words you change your self-dialogue and part of that change is to tell yourself that you have a choice about how you feel about the event, and furthermore, that you have a choice about how you react.

Self-soothing - in its most primordial state - is all about self-love. However much you love yourself, is how well you will take care of yourself when you are going through a difficult situation. Click on any of the labels below this post in order to find further information about these topics, or see my books.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch

Rewiring the Soul

Click here to download the first chapter.
To see the Table of Contents click here

Reviews From the Back Cover:

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself 

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come."
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author

“Eloquently and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion.” 

Robert Schwartz: Author of Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born 


The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self (coming October 2013)


My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is due out later this year. Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction:

It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.



Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

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