When do you dance?
I'm talking about dancing in your life, not at night at a club.
- Dancing in your life has to do with joy, with exuberance, with letting go, with letting your hair down, with feeling free to be you and exhilarate in the unrepressed delight of being you
- Dancing in your life has to do with knowing that life can be as good as you allow it to be, despite your outer circumstances
- Dancing in your life has to do with the thrill of knowing you have choices, as long as you choose to have choices at least on an inner level, even though externally your choices may be very limited
- Dancing in your life has to do with being conscious and aware
- Dancing in your life has to do with doing your joyful utmost to pursue your dreams because your dreams give your life meaning
- Dancing in your life has to do with surrounding yourself with joy, love, and peace, even though these may only available on an inner level
- Dancing in your life has to do with knowing that you will not die without having danced to the music that is inside of you
Taking Responsibility for Your Unhappiness
That is not a fun thought
Taking responsibility for your unhappiness sounds like there's no one and nothing left to blame. And that - of course - is what this is all about.
It’s the Other Person’s Fault
When you are unhappy, it is often because you have chosen to be so due to someone not behaving the way you wanted them to, or something not turning out the way you might have it expected to. So life did not go your way. Things simply weren't the way you wanted them to be.
- your partner forgot your wedding anniversary
- your boss did not promote you
- you wanted to go to the beach and when you opened the curtains, you saw it was raining
- you expected to be able to find the car of your dreams for the budget you had stipulated, and then realized it would cost much more. So now you have to make do with a lesser car
- you thought the person you had dinner with the first time two nights ago would call you by today, and they have not done so
- you expected your son to help you with the garden this weekend and he went out with his friends instead
- you expected your best friend to help you set up your party, and it turns out she forgot!
And of course you believe you are unhappy because of what the other person did or did not do, or because of the situation that did not turn out the way you would have liked it to.
And that is precisely where you need to begin to take responsibility for your unhappiness.
By taking responsibility for your happiness. So if you are unhappy about something, you are the one who can change how you feel. Either by choosing to change how you feel about something, how you think about something, how you view something, or by choosing to do something that will raise your energy to levels where you are able to once again feel happy.
Your happiness is in your hands. If you leave it in the hands of the acts and deeds of others, or in the manner in which situations in your life turn out, you are not free.
Freedom implies being in charge of your happiness.
Creating Joy in the Way Your Life Unfolds
So it means that it is also about your responsibility in creating joy in the way your life unfolds.
No, I can't do that.
- My life is not unfolding to plan
- My life is not good
- I don't like my life
- Under such circumstances how do you expect me to create joy in the way my life unfolds?
If we do that, we begin to see joy appear in the most unexpected ways and in the most unexpected places. Once that happens, we are well on the road to experiencing joy in our lives at will, no matter what the circumstances.
How can we create joy? How can we become responsible in creating joy in the way in which our life unfolds? By deciding to do so. It's a choice. So simple. Start now.
Our joys as winged dreams do fly; why then should sorrow last?
Since grief but aggravates thy loss, grieve not for what is past.
Thomas Percy, English poet 1729-1811
Grieve not for what is past ... our joys as winged dreams do fly ... doesn't it make sense that we behave the same way with our grief as we do with our joy? As the poet - Thomas Percy - says, our joys tend to leave us very quickly. And yet we dwell on our sorrows.
This is in fact, an unusually interesting statement about the human condition. We have a much greater tendency to stay with those aspects of our lives that are not bright and clear, that do not have sunshine and warmth, and tend to bring on the clouds swollen with rain. Why do we do this? Is it just a wired into us? Wired into our hearts? Wired into our brains?
I don't think so. This may very well be due to what part Eckhart Tolle calls the pain body, and what Chris Griscom calls the emotional body. I've written about this in the past, so I'll just briefly reiterate the basic points:
- the pain body is seductive
- the emotional body has an emotionally sticky quality that we find hard to pull away from
- both pain body and emotional body are familiar to us because they represent pain, difficulties, and hardships that we have been subject to in the past
- this very familiarity based on the amount of time we have spent revisiting those difficult moments, is what causes us to field the seductive pull
- once we give in to the seductive pull into the pain or the negative emotions via our memory needs, we tend to wallow in the pain, much as pigs wallow in mud
- Because we prefer the familiarity
- if we spent as much time revisiting our joyful moments as we do our painful ones, we might find - ironically - that we experience greater familiarity with our joy than with our pain - and wouldn't that be a wonderful state of mind to be in...
Have you ever considered why the sum total of your life very possibly seems to have an uneven tipping of the scale in favor of the negative? Could it not be simply because of where you spend much of your mental time? And don't you agree that where you spend much of your mental time is a matter of choice? And if it is a matter of choice, why not spend more time with your memories of the joyful moments, as opposed to memories of the painful ones? It really is that easy.
So Are You Being Responsible --- About the Joy in Your Life?
We know we are meant to be responsible about all those things that a decent sense of morality and a firm Puritan work ethic would demand of us.
But being responsible for the joy in our lives seems to throw our thoughts (and even emotions) into turmoil.
How, you ask. How can I be responsible for the joy in my life if my partner or spouse / parent / child / colleague / boss / friend, etc. does what they do and make my life difficult / miserable / impossible / painful / exasperating, etc.?
By deciding that you will be in charge of the joy in your life. By deciding at each moment - no matter what it contains - that you will seek joy, or at least, that you will seek the road that allows you to remain in a state of equanimity, which will - eventually - return you to joy. If you furthermore receive joyful moments thanks to some of those others who populate your life, wonderful! But if you don't, and if you decide to be in charge of the joy in your life, you will have joy whether you receive it from others or not.
The Greatest Gift For the World is a Healthy You
The more vibrant you are, the happier you are, the more conscious and aware you are, the more responsibility you take for your own inner and outer well-being - the healthier you are.
And the healthier you are, the more you are able to give the world a gift: a gift of this higher energetic frequency, a gift of all that you emanate, a gift of your innate joyfulness ... innate, because you have made it so, and not because you were born this way.
Can you imagine the ripple effects of all of this?
And then think of it in geometric progression: the ripple effects of your presence will affect the people whose lives you touch. As they in turn, should they choose to emulate your energetic frequency because they can feel how great it is, also create ripple effects in their lives, affecting the people whose lives they touch, the potential for more and more people to create ripple effects grows exponentially.
If only you will work on yourself to heal and change yourself, you can have the potential to be the catalyst for change in the lives of many others. And that will change our world.
For more about recognizing joy in your love life, in order to help you move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership in paperback format. (The Kindle version is available here)
To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here
This ground-breaking book addresses:
• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship
It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships.
Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership
“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come."
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency
REWIRING THE SOUL
For more about understanding the path towards life meaning and the inner quest, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).
To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here
From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.
Reviews From the Back Cover:
A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe
"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre
My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is due out later this year. Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction:
It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.
Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my other book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.