WELCOME TO THIS BLOG


"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Using Joy Instead of Preaching


When I endured preachers as a child (both in and out of buildings that housed representatives of the divine); preachers who presumed to be role models; preachers who wanted to make me believe that in some fashion they were better than I because - or so it appeared to me - they believed that they had achieved some manner of understanding, spiritual achievement or holiness that I had not (and might never, or so they seemed to imply); preachers who were not only preachers (or priests, pastors, clergymen, rabbis, etc.) by profession, but also those preachers who preached from a pulpit of condescension or holier-than-thou-ness within the confines of secular life, I always noticed that listening to them did not make me feel good. When I was still quite young, I thought that I did not feel good because they made me realize I was bad, and hence I felt guilty in some way, but as I grew older, I recognized that the reason they did not make me feel good was because they did not speak from love and joy. Often ego, positioning, and fear-mongering formed a large portion of their words.

I'm not including all who preach in this, but I am including many of those that have preached 'at' me. There are some magnificent exceptions - one of whom, as a matter of fact - sits at the right hand of this rather incredible new man at the head of the Vatican.

At any rate, what I've learned from many of those people and my own feelings as I endured their speeches, is this: if you live in love and joy, you need not preach. You simply need to be. Others will notice. And therein lies your preaching: not in what you say, but in what you do; not in your words, but in your life. Mother Teresa said: one filled with joy preaches without teaching.

So simple: you choose.



For more about how you live your life, and how awareness of this can help you find love, and move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership in paperback format. (The Kindle version is available here)

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here


From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 


Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency



REWIRING THE SOUL


For more about understanding the path towards life meaning and the inner quest, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre




My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is due out later this year. Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction:

It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.



Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my new book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Finding the Soul in Your Relationship


What are the things you talk about with your partner? What are the typical things you do together? Might your lists look a bit like this:

What we talk about:
  • the kids
  • the next vacation
  • what to have for dinner
  • the mortgage
  • your job
  • my job
  • your colleagues
  • my colleagues
  • we need a new car
  • the schooling costs are getting too high ... what can we do?
  • the neighbours
  • your parents
  • my parents
  • our friends
  • the news, the economy, taxes
What we do together:
  • go to church
  • go to the cinema
  • eat out
  • go to a sports event
  • attend a social event with friends and family
  • play sports
  • play cards
  • play games (together - online or not)
  • go for a walk
  • go to the gym
  • go shopping
  • go on vacation
  • watch a movie together on TV
  • prepare a meal together

What's wrong with these scenarios? Aren't each of the points those things we talk about and do together in a very normal way? Don't they signify that what we do is 'normal' and probably healthy? Yes. Of course. However, there is no soul there.

The things we talk about together and do together in the normal way of life are all important and necessary in order to live normal, decently happy, and efficient lives in our culture, but they bring us little or no soul, and they certainly do not connect us on a soul level. Without such a soul connection - or inner and deep connection in our partnerships and relationships - we will have a very hard time keeping those relationships going in the wonderful and miraculous ways they potentially can.

Think about it: when do you truly feel connected to your partner? Certainly, physical closeness, intimacy and sex form part of it (or not), but I'm talking more of a connection established when you talk and communicate. Isn't it always when you speak from your inner self as opposed to about outer events or problems? Or isn't it when you talk about those outer events or issues from an inner perspective? Does that not draw you in to a closeness with your partner that is not there on that level if you stay on the outer level alone?

Allowing closeness; allowing vulnerability; allowing the other to see our doubts, apprehension, distrust, suspicion, and fear on that profoundly personal level that is deeply emotional will do much more to bring soul into your relationship than any kind of physical intimacy can - although, conversely - precisely with such deep communication, physical intimacy has the potential of becoming - even after decades of being together - more passionate than it ever was when attraction, chemistry, and that other level of love were the only thing fueling it.

Give this some thought ... the soul of your relationship depends on it.


For more about finding soul in your relationships to help you move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership in paperback format. (The Kindle version is available here)

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here


From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 


Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency



REWIRING THE SOUL


For more about understanding the path towards life meaning and the inner quest, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre




My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is due out later this year. Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction:

It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.



Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for my new book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The Mirror of Relationships


If you've been following articles in my newsletters over the past nearly eight years, and if you've been reading the frequent posts on my blogs, you may have realized that much of what I write is repeated in new words. This is deliberate. In marketing it is said that if you want to sell something, you have to get the message across to the consumer at least nine times. In psychology things are not so different: to get the message across to the reader or listener, so that inner transformation has a chance at beginning to take place, the message has to be repeated over and over again.

What do our Reactions to Others Tell Us about Us?

Recently I was asked (on the same day) by two acquaintances, what I would do if a client walked in the door that I did not like, and what I would do if I were attracted to a client. My answer has a great deal to do with what I believe an ethical practitioner should do, but more importantly, has a great deal to do with what all of us can and should do when faced with our reactions to others in our lives.

Basically I was being asked whether I would refer the first client out (the one I hypothetically did not like), and whether in the second instance (the client I was hypothetically attracted to), I would want to have some type of social contact with that client, or whether I would forego that, and continue on in the professional relationship.

Physician, Know Thyself!

The underlying structure to my answer lies in the Socratic advice: Physician, know thyself. In other words, if I am practicing in my chosen field of endeavour, I must have begun the process of knowing myself and recognizing my own issues. In such a case, when faced with the client I hypothetically don’t like, I would, of course, immediately understand that the reason I feel unpleasant in the presence of that person, has nothing in particular to do with him or her, but with me.

Oh.

Hmm…

So does that mean I can’t blame that person for how I feel?

No Blame?

Right on. No blaming. Even if the person is obnoxious, or difficult, or needy, or haughty, or autocratic, or whatever it might be that sets me off. What sets me off is not his/her behavior, but some unresolved issue in me. If the issue were resolved, it would not set me off. Affect (emotion) is also a clue to something that needs addressing in oneself. So that means I’m the one that has to look at me, not look outward and point a finger.

Jewels in Our Lives

So back to the hypothetical client I don’t like. Such a client could well become a jewel in my life. If I’m willing to follow the above directives. If I’m willing to look within, rather than without. So such a client immediately sets off a warning bell, and launches a red flag in me, to make me aware of the fact that the client is bringing out some as yet unresolved issue.

The example I’m using is my client and myself, but this is how it is with every single person that populates your life, from the peripheral fringes, to its nuclear core, from the newspaper vendor and shoeshine person, to your partner (see also my Sept. 2006 Newsletter: Marriage in the 21st Century Could Cutting Edge Spiritual Psychology Make it Viable Again?) and children or parents. Every time you react inside to something, you are being given a message about yourself by your psyche, and if you pay attention to those messages, if you look in the mirror of your relationship with that particular person, you will learn something about yourself, and eventually resolve that issue in order to not have to revisit that place again, in such a way that similar situations in future, will not affect you negatively as they used to do. (See also Choosing to Wallow in Relationship Pain).

You, too, must know yourself!

Earlier I quoted Socrates: Physician, know thyself. This lies at the core of the work of any good therapist, psychologist, analyst, psychiatrist, or healer. Not only because this individual is in the business of helping people understand and help themselves, and consequently improve their lives and broaden their parameters of inner freedom, but also because if this individual does not begin with the humility of recognizing that he or she also has issues to be resolved, he’s going to be quite hopeless at helping other people resolve theirs. It doesn’t mean he has to have every single one of his issues resolved long before he begins to see clients. It just means he must be working on them. Actively. Continually. Incessantly. Tirelessly.

What Attracts you is Very Important…

So let’s go on to the question about the hypothetical client I might feel attracted to. Here there can be no doubt. An ethical practitioner will immediately recognize some kind of counter transference, i.e. that the client has touched on some core of an unresolved issue in oneself. Again, therefore, the therapist has to look inside. And be very ethical.

The Treasure Map

So how does this relate to people outside of a practice? In exactly the same manner. (Listen to the audio clip Obsession, Suspicion, Jealousy, and the Need to Control in the “Emotions” Section). When you feel attracted to someone, it is because that person carries within them something that lights up your buttons because there is something there that is unresolved in you. It doesn't have to be a difficult or negative thing, simply something that has not yet been addressed, and the fact that you are now attracted to this specific individual, should be reason enough for you to realize that beyond the chemistry, beyond the infatuation, beyond the possible love, there is something even more important that can help you become more psychologically and emotionally free, and precisely this person can be the means by which you get there. . (See also my July 2006 Newsletter: I Need You...I Need You Not). As long as you realize the mechanism of the dynamics behind what is happening. In other words, don’t go there, don’t go into the relationship blindly. Look at yourself. Understand that the attraction, just as in the example of my hypothetical client, is a sign to you, a clue, a map, a treasure map, so that you will sit up and take notice. Your feelings are – in this sense – your road to freedom. Pay attention to them beyond the obvious. Learn to use them. Use them to grow. Grow and transform your way into freedom, because that is your duty to yourself and that is your right.   



For more about your reactions to others, your projections, your emotional expression, and how awareness of this can help you find love, and move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership in paperback format. (The Kindle version is available here)

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here


From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 


Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency



REWIRING THE SOUL


For more about understanding the path towards life meaning and the inner quest, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre




My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is due out later this year. Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction:

It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.



Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for my new book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Insignificant Improvements Are Significant After All


Do you remember learning how to write? I'm not talking about spelling, but about forming letters. Spending hours copying the huge print letters in the teacher's handwriting on the blackboard into your notebook, trying to stay on the lines. Do it over and over. Finally, your squiggles become legible and mom says: 'darling, how wonderful! You just wrote an 'A'!

The improvement in each of your attempts to get to the recognizable 'A' was minimal, but each improvement created that combination of lines that eventually allowed your mother (or someone) to be able to read what you had written, making all those small and apparently insignificant improvements most significant after all.

Likewise when you were learning how to speak and understand a foreign language. At first you understood nothing. Then you caught words here and there, then phrases, and finally whole sentences. Clearly, the erstwhile insignificant improvements in understanding, ultimately led to a most significant improvement after all, the allowed you to actually speak the language. We can apply the analogy to sports, to music, public speaking, to sewing, to studying, to fishing, and any activity you can think of at all.

We know all of this, and yet we seem to find it so difficult to apply it to our relationships. Imagine making small - and apparently insignificant - improvements in how patient you are with your partner. Or small - apparently insignificant - improvements in how considerate you are. Or small - and apparently insignificant - improvements in how much you help around the house, or are willing to go to football games. Or small - and apparently insignificant - improvements in how much you move that half mile towards your partner in those things he/she has often asked you to think about or do, or share with him/her.

As in the examples about learning how to form letters, or a new language, in these relationship examples your tiny steps towards improvement do add up to significant improvements over the long term. You are the only one who can intend this and you are the only one who can then choose to actually do it. As Tom Peters said: there is no such thing as an insignificant improvement.

Image: "7 Hours in One Image" by Isil Karanfil


For more about choosing the you that you can (or could) be, and how awareness of this may help you improve your relationships, and move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership in paperback format. (The Kindle version is available here)

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here


From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 


Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency



REWIRING THE SOUL


For more about understanding the path towards life meaning and the inner quest, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre




My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is due out later this year. Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction:

It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.



Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for my new book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Keys to Greater Emotional Generosity


Emotional generosity is not something that is simply there in all of us. Depending on your degree of psycho-emotional issues, you may have difficulty with this - whether with a partner, family members, friends, or others. Here are some elementary keys to help yourself gain a greater degree of emotional generosity:
  1. The less you have learned to love yourself, the less you will be able to be emotionally generous with others. Check out some of my earlier posts on self-love here. Also look at poor boundaries that are closely related to difficulty with emotional generosity as well as poor self-love here
  2. The more you are able to feel compassion for others, the more you will be able to be emotionally generous with them. Compassion is one of the most accessible bridges to emotions and emotional generosity. It is also a magnificent adjunct to love. Check out this article on compassion here
  3. Being conscious and aware of yourself is one of the best roads to greater emotional generosity because being conscious and aware will allow you to choose your reactions as opposed to being reactive. Check out some of my earlier posts on awareness here
I'm not pretending you will achieve this just by reading this short post, but you will be on the road to achieving it if you begin to incorporate some of these ideas into your life on a daily basis, even if you do so in tiny increments. It's a goal worth attaining and one worth working for!
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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhaltbar 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhaltbar als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhaltbar sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle


Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Is Your Pride Destroying Your Relationship?


Many people think that without showing their pride, they will appear to be wimps, pushovers, or losers. But there is a fundamental difference between pride that leads you nowhere, but which you uphold because of how you might look to others, and poor boundaries that allow others to step all over you, and that need to be improved or made healthy.

Pride is closely related to the ego (a part of us that needs to be right, better, stronger, more important, etc.), and poor boundaries are intimately related to a lack of self-love, self-appreciation, respect, and approval. Pride, for example, will cause someone to refuse to go out on a date with someone they are very attracted to but who gave little notice, because it might look as though they are too easy. This is one of those situations that depends on many factors, but compare it to what might happen to someone with poor boundaries: they frequently get asked out as a last resort (or maybe they get midnight booty calls), and they never say anything about it, and accept it. That's very different from the pride example. In the pride example you might miss out on a wonderful possible relationship.

In an ongoing relationship, pride might cause one of the two persons to not accept an apology for several days, erroneously thinking that by accepting it too quickly it makes them look too easy. Or pride might cause one of the two individuals to not admit how much something that has happened has hurt them. They might not wish to show their vulnerability and these kinds of situations could slowly erode the relationship, causing unspoken resentment or anger or pain. With poor boundaries, in the apology example, the person almost doesn't even need the apology to 'forgive'; generally they are OK with whatever happened just to get the former status quo back. Or, in the same example, they may hold back for a bit, not accepting the apology as in the case of the person with what I am labeling as 'useless' pride, but will swiftly change for the same reasons as before: in order to regain the former status quo. And in the case of having been hurt, the person with poor boundaries may swallow the hurt over a period of time, but then they tend to explode, and once the explosion has been sorted (which may take minutes, hours, days, or even weeks), a new cycle of the same behavior of the part of both parties begins.

Pride, as stated, because of its connection to the ego, does not belong in a healthy relationship. When poor behavior occurs in a healthy relationship, it doesn't get stopped because one of the two stands on their pride, but because each of the two has sufficient self-love and self-respect, as well as awareness about their choices at all times, that the poor behavior is discussed in ways that can only occur when two adults are in the relationship. Being adult has nothing to do with chronological age, but with the degree of self responsibility that each partner has taken on for him or herself, and - as stated - the amount of self-awareness that is then injected into the relationship. As always, it's a choice.


For more about loving consciously, and how awareness of your ego and pride can help you improve your relationships, and move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership in paperback format. (The Kindle version is available here)

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here


From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 


Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency



REWIRING THE SOUL


For more about understanding the path towards life meaning and the inner quest, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre




My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is due out later this year. Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction:

It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.



Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for my new book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.