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"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Does Love Mean Togetherness?



You are in love and in the very early days of the relationship you might (but not all of you), want to be together with the beloved all the time. Every waking and sleeping minute, other than work or duty related, is time to be spent together. And you bask in the bliss of it. Because this is, after all, the very definition of heaven ...

Don't worry: this post is not about what happens when the relationship begins to drift apart. Rather, it's about what happens when you spend too much time together.

It may be that one of the two was quite overwhelmed by the expressed desire of the other to spend so much time together. One may have been very gratified, even flattered to have his or her presence to be so desired. A small nagging voice - generally shut down immediately - may have said every so often that you actually have a life apart from the beloved, that you should not neglect your other interests, friends, and activities to such a degree, but you are so much in love, and it feels so good to be so wanted.

The other may have had - at nano-second moments, also generally to be shut down immediately - a small nagging voice insisting that something was wrong with him or herself for focusing in such microscopic and lens-like fashion on the beloved. For noticing that he/she needed it to be like that, because when the beloved was not around, the partner who desired the constant presence above all, did not feel so good. And - miraculously - as soon as the partner was once more present, the not-so-good feelings evaporated.

Such behavior occurs frequently in relationships. My post is not about the why of it ... that would take too long for a mere blog post ... but about:
  • what you should do if you notice it happening
  • why it's not healthy
If you notice it happening (either of you), and especially if it has happened before, in the past, in other relationships (and sometimes people switch sides: so in this relationship you are the one who is overwhelmed, but in that relationship you might have been the instigator of the overwhelming), then ask yourself how you could incorporate a balanced portion of your 'other' life into the new situation. In other words, instead of letting go of everything you did prior to this relationship, in order to dedicate yourself body and soul to it, try to find a healthy balance between your other life and the relationship.

The reason it is not healthy is because such need, such desire, such obsession (or the allowing of it) to absorb your life because of a relationship, indicates that something is not in balance in you (and this was so long before the relationship walked into your life), and this lack of balance is what makes you crave the presence of (or allow it) the beloved to this degree in your hours and days. This goes to an unhealthy imbalance emotionally and will, eventually almost always lead to the demise of the relationship brought about by the first of the two partners who begins to feel stifled or suffocated. (And I might add, that it can be resolved, but requires much conscious awareness, much patience, and above all, much willingness on the part of both, to work on their own issues that brought them into this situation in the first place).

Healthy, balanced relationships need togetherness, of course, but they also need fresh air, oxygen, and outside stimulation in the form of separate interests, hobbies, types of friends, etc. This doesn't mean you should not spend as much time as possible together, as long as the balance discussed here is also maintained.




For much more about healthy relationships and how awareness about this can help you find love, and move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership which is now available in paperback format. (The Kindle version is now available here)

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here


From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 


Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency



REWIRING THE SOUL


For more about understanding the self and inner growth in your relationships, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre


Note: If you are wondering why this blog only appears on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul, so named for my earlier book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.


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