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"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Loving Without Needing


People tend to fall in love with someone who - on the surface - is their idea of, if not the ideal partner, at least close to what they are looking for in a partner - but who underneath the surface - fulfills some of their more important needs. This is a dangerous path to be on in a relationship, and more so, if you are not aware of it, as generally is the case. It's dangerous, simply stated, because as long as you depend on another to fulfill your needs, or some of your needs, you are not free. I'm not talking about being free of others in the sense of not wanting to be with others but in the sense of not needing them for your inner well-being, because you are able to create that for yourself. The benefit of such a life is that you love from a position of independence rather than from one of dependence.

Think for a moment of the one you love (or loved at some other time of your life). What happened inside of you if that person was annoyed or moody? Did something in you shrivel, cringe, worry? Or did something in you desperately make you try to 'fix' whatever it was that was going on with your partner? Or did something in you immediately assume that the reason your partner was in a bad mood was because of something you had done? Clearly, in this example (and there are many other versions), your happiness and inner well-being are so wrapped up in your partner's state of being, that you are in a sense enslaved - even though your partner may have never asked you to be this way.

Another example is when your sense of confidence and security is wrapped up in how much your partner is under your control. In a way, this example has the same common denominator as the earlier example, simply because at the root of it all, your happiness and inner well-being depends on how secure your partner makes you feel as long as you believe he/she is behaving in a way that you need them to behave so that you can feel that security and confidence. This means, of course, that you will always be checking up on him/her, calling frequently, trying to control who is in his/her life, what activities they participate in, etc. Once again, as in the earlier example, your happiness and inner well-being are so wrapped up in your partner's state of being, that you are in a sense enslaved - even though your partner may have never asked you to be this way.

How can you find your way out of this miasma? begin by becoming conscious of your need for another's behavior dictating your well-being. This is not about a partner who does not fulfill your expectations, or a partner who is not doing what you would wish them to do, but about an individual - you - who is not taking care of, in a loving way, of your own needs. To begin this process it is necessary to become aware, self-responsible and self-loving. I've written many articles and posts about this subject on this blog, my other blog and my website, all of which are freely available.




For much more about understanding how and why you 'need' in your relationships, and how awareness about this can help you find love, and move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership which is now available in paperback format. (The Kindle version is now available here)

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here


From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 


Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency



REWIRING THE SOUL


For more about understanding the self and inner growth in your relationships, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre


Note: If you are wondering why this blog only appears on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul, so named for my earlier book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.


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