This is a hard one. Letting love guide you sounds so spiritual, so good, so something that the typical reader of my newsletters might actually be interested in doing, and yet, and yet ... it is not easy.
Letting love guide you means many things, some of which are:
- letting go of the need to be right (also read my article by the same title: Letting Go of the Need to be Right)
- letting go of ego (the part of you that insists so much, and so frequently, and so loudly that it knows better than you)
- understanding that from here on you will think differently about your thoughts, feelings, and actions when something happens that is not to your liking, and therefore leaving your comfort zone
- allowing compassion for others to fill you
- remembering your boundaries, but remembering that to uphold them, you need not insist on being right
- looking at yourself each time you wish to react in unkind or thoughtless ways
- remembering the importance of what Tolle has called the pain body, i.e., the blind, unaware reaction to anything that evokes a strong feeling response in you, and then resolving to change that response
- realizing that letting love guide you does not mean only with regards to others, but also, and very particularly, with regards to yourself
Why is is so hard for us to let love guide us? Doesn't much of it have to do with the fact that we need to be right? Or - in other terminology - we need to win? Where does kindness go in those instances ... those many, many instances?
And here's another thing: we don't practice it, so it never becomes a habit.
How can you acquire a habit if you don't practice? Have you ever tried to rid yourself of complaining? Remember the man who started the 21-day-no-complaint challenge? Well I took him up on it, and although I haven't mastered it to perfection, I now rarely find myself complaining, and because I don't, I've become so much more aware of how much time we humans tends to spend on such a useless activity, that only serves to make us feel less good than we could. Then I started working on judgement and criticism. I'm still working. But of course, in the process, I've become so much more aware of the times that I do it. So although it's still a work in progress, and may continue to be so for a long, long time, it's nevertheless continually at the forefront of my conscious mind, and so it is much easier for me to continually remind myself - if I begin to judge or complain - that I actually don't want to go down that road. So I'm practicing. And it's certainly not always easy. My ego likes to remind me, if I walk down the road of judgement, that after all, because I understand so much more about this and that than others, I am allowed to judge... and of course, that is far, far, far from the truth. So I do battle with my ego. I inform it that it is not in charge. I may strengthen my resolve by reading something that keeps me on the right road, or listen to something that does the same job. In other words, I try to support that part of me that wants to be non-judgemental, by making more and more choices that lead me there.
Letting love guide you is like that too. First you need to be convinced that this is a muscle you wish to develop. Then you keep reminding yourself that this is on your list, and when you find yourself in a position where you can make the choice, you make it. And if you make a bad choice because you forgot your good intentions, you forgive yourself (love yourself), tell yourself that at least you remembered that you forgot to make the right choice, and resolve to do better next time.
For whom are you doing this? Yes, for others, of course, but remember, you are, in fact, also doing it for yourself because the more you allow love to guide you, the more you will be filled with love, and the more you are filled with love, the closer you are to that being that you came here to become.
Image: Cathedral Cove, New Zealand
For much more about allowing love to be your guiding force in relationships, and how awareness about this can help us to move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership which is now available in paperback format. (The Kindle version is now available here)
To download the first chapter, click here
From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.
This ground-breaking book addresses:
• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship
It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships.
Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership
“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come."
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency
REWIRING THE SOUL
For more about understanding the self and inner growth, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).
To download the first chapter, click here
From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.