WELCOME TO THIS BLOG


"All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." Chris Griscom, Spiritual Leader, Author

"Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion." Robert Schwartz, Author: Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth." William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Can You Forgive?


 All the Baggage and the Old Wounds

When your father walked out on you, your siblings, and your mother, your life changed drastically. Now, decades later, it still lives on in your mind, as you remember how difficult things were, and how - about 15 months after he left - you caught a glimpse of him one day on the street in the company of another woman, much younger and less stressed-looking than your mother, who had a baby in her arms. Your father had just hugged her and kissed the baby, and you felt such agony. You also felt rage. And you remember it to this day. How could you forget how he affected all your lives?

When you found your high school love - the first girl you ever went to bed with - making out with your best buddy - you were both on the basketball team - something shrivelled up inside of you and died. With that one act she took away your self-esteem. It took you years to work your way out of that. And your best buddy. After a shoving match with him after having found the two of them there, you never spoke to him again. And you never found a friend again with whom you shared the way you used to with him - before you realized what a traitor he was. Even when you ran into that first girl friend again recently, now that you're both in your forties and you saw how she had gained weight and lost her youthful sparkle and attraction, you felt no sense of satisfaction, only pain in the memory of what happened that devastating day.

When your wife left you, taking with her not only the kids, but also the silver and the antiques, you felt impotent with rage. When she furthermore got sole custody because that’s how the system works, you were beside yourself. And of course she also got alimony and child support. Whenever you think about that, you can still feel your blood boil.

Common Thread

Have you noticed the common thread that runs through each of these vignettes? You remember what happened with a great deal of emotion, almost as though you were reliving the painful incident.

What's new about that, you may ask. Of course I relive the painful moment. How else could I react? Do you expect me to forget it?

Not exactly. Although there is an element of forgetting it involved in what I am about to write.

Hanging on to the Old Memories - Hanging on For Dear Life

What I'd like you to think about is this: by remembering, by bringing it back into your mind over and over again - even though you only do it once a week or once a month - you maintain the freshness of the pain. Reliving a painful situation in your mind is tantamount to reliving it in reality ... have you not noticed how the tears can flow again and again, or the red-hot anger can flare over and over ... even though decades have passed?

Of course, you say, of course the tears flow or the anger flares. After all, what happened was very painful...

Your Thoughts Attract

Let's switch to another topic for a moment: you've read about The Law of Attraction, the power of intention, heard about the movie or book The Secret, etc. Maybe you've even read some of the multitude of books about the subject. If so, you know the insistence of all these authors on one central philosophy: what you think about becomes your reality ... thoughts become things ... as a man thinketh, so shall he be ... and of course, all of these authors are encouraging you to imagine in your head, to visualize, or create scenarios in your head to the point where you can literally feel yourself inside of them, and feel the emotion or excitement that would be part of your life if your "scenario" were already a reality. They are basically stating that by so doing, that "scenario" you are so vividly imagining will eventually become a part of your life. That is the power of the law of attraction.

Here’s a verbatim excerpt from a previous article of mine:

The Importance of Forgiving & the Law of Attraction

Once you can forgive, the unfinished business from the past transforms into a mere memory that no longer carries any negative connotations to pull your power away from the present. It is at this point that you can begin to take cellular responsibility for yourself, i.e. you will no longer be harming your body in all senses of the word by keeping that negative power in the past.

Caroline Myss (from whose work I have borrowed the term cellular responsibility) pointed out almost a decade ago in 1999 in The Science of Medical Intuition, together with Dr. Norman Shealy, that it is also at this point that you can begin to create and manifest. In other words, no matter how much visualization and affirmation you are doing, those of you who have been vicariously reading everything you can get your hands on about the Law of Attraction or The Secret, you will not be able to create, until you pull your power into the present. Forgiving those who have trespassed you is one of the biggest steps towards that goal.


Choosing Your Thoughts – Choosing Your Feelings

Now let's back track to our original subject. You reliving and remembering painful or traumatic experiences from the past to the point of physical manifestations such as tears of bursts of anger. Is that not the same as what I've just discussed in the previous paragraph, but in a negative version? You keep thinking about - visualizing - imagining - that event from the past to the point of making it a reality in your present life in the sense of how it affects you. In other words, it affects you as much as it might if it were actually happening now. So you have made it into a part of your current reality.

Is that what you want? Is that how you want to live your life?

Nothing stops you from hanging on to your anger or your pain, but only the decision to make new choices stops you from continuing on this desperate treadmill of pain. Making a new choice would be to say to yourself that for your sake, for your peace of mind, you will forgive whoever it was that treated you so badly, so that you can live a good life now. So that you no longer have to continue to relive the pain.

That is all it takes: a choice of dealing with the past differently. You decide, you choose, and your life changes. It is literally as simple as that. So when you get the old thoughts that lead you to the pain you literally say to them no, not today, thanks, I've got better stuff to do than to let you bother me again. Instead of you I'm going to think about what I want to accomplish, or I'm going to shift my energy or I’m going to focus on what is good in my life (even if it’s only the fresh, clean air where you live, or the lush vegetation, or the vibrant city about you, or the great libraries, or the football you can watch on TV). And by focusing on what is good in my life, I can begin to let go of the pain, I can begin to forgive, because from the place of feeling better, by re-focusing, I can understand that I don’t want to be in the place of pain, in the place where I hang on to all that hurt in the past. I know that the only reason it hurts now is because I am not letting go of it. So I choose to let go, to forgive, and to move on.

Do it for yourself, and not only you will benefit, but all those whose lives you touch.


Note: If you are wondering why this blog only appears on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I post on my other blog on the days in between. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul, so named for my earlier book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.



For much more about forgiving and how it enhances your relationships, and about how this awareness can help you move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership which is now available in paperback format. (The Kindle version is available here)

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 


Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency



REWIRING THE SOUL


For more about understanding the self and inner growth, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

What Exactly Do You See in Your Partner?

It's obvious to the eye that the images both above and below these words are in sharp contrast. One has been enhanced and the other has not. While this was done for reasons that relate to aesthetics and also to potential marketing ends, in
our relationship lives we would do well to learn a lesson: how you see your partner - how you choose to see your partner - will greatly influence the outcome of the partnership.

One part of it is focus: do you focus on the good or the bad? You don't need me to tell you that all of us have great, good, annoying and perhaps even bad aspects. But again (and you know this) a relationship consists of balancing what you see out there in your partner. At the beginning your balance was probably leaning very favorably on the side of all the 'good' that you saw. Later, perhaps, it leans in the other direction. All of this is a choice.

Try this exercise: make a list of 10 aspects of your partner that you always liked or loved - even if that is not how you tend to think of him/her at this time. Decide - or said another way - choose to think of those parts of your partner  whenever he/she pops into your head. Also choose to bring those parts into your head when you and your partner are disagreeing or arguing. You don't have to mention that you are doing this - just keep those better aspects of your partner present during the argument. Do this at least for one week. And see what changes. It was Thoreau who said: It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.


Note: If you are wondering why this blog only appears on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul, so named for my earlier book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.



For much more about allowing love to be your guiding force in relationships, and how awareness about this can help us to move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership which is now available in paperback format. (The Kindle version is now available here)

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 


Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency



REWIRING THE SOUL


For more about understanding the self and inner growth in your relationships, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Winning an Oscar vs Marital Infidelity


Remember when Sandra Bullock won the Oscar and almost immediately thereafter ran into marital trouble in the guise of a cheating spouse? Using that example of her professional glory as well as her personal purgatory as an example, New York Times' op-ed columnist David Brooks asked the question whether the reader would "exchange a tremendous professional triumph for a severe personal blow".

The interesting part of the column comes next. Brooks wrote:

"Nonetheless, if you had to take more than three seconds to think about this question, you are absolutely crazy. Marital happiness is far more important than anything else in determining personal well-being. If you have a successful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many professional setbacks you endure, you will be reasonably happy. If you have an unsuccessful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many career triumphs you record, you will remain significantly unfulfilled."


"This isn’t just sermonizing. This is the age of research, so there’s data to back this up. Over the past few decades, teams of researchers have been studying happiness. Their work, which seemed flimsy at first, has developed an impressive rigor, and one of the key findings is that, just as the old sages predicted, worldly success has shallow roots while interpersonal bonds permeate through and through."

[...]

"If the relationship between money and well-being is complicated, the correspondence between personal relationships and happiness is not. The daily activities most associated with happiness are sex, socializing after work and having dinner with others. The daily activity most injurious to happiness is commuting. According to one study, joining a group that meets even just once a month produces the same happiness gain as doubling your income. According to another, being married produces a psychic gain equivalent to more than $100,000 a year."

[...] "most of us pay attention to the wrong things. Most people vastly overestimate the extent to which more money would improve our lives. Most schools and colleges spend too much time preparing students for careers and not enough preparing them to make social decisions. Most governments release a ton of data on economic trends but not enough on trust and other social conditions. In short, modern societies have developed vast institutions oriented around the things that are easy to count, not around the things that matter most. They have an affinity for material concerns and a primordial fear of moral and social ones."
Read the entire article here

Image: Crown of thorns starfish


Note: If you are wondering why this blog only appears on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul, so named for my earlier book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.



For much more about how you value yourself and your relationships, and how this awareness of that value can help you move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership which is now available in paperback format. (The Kindle version is available here)

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 


Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency



REWIRING THE SOUL


For more about understanding the self and inner growth, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Letting Love Guide You


This is a hard one. Letting love guide you sounds so spiritual, so good, so something that the typical reader of my newsletters might actually be interested in doing, and yet, and yet ... it is not easy.

Letting love guide you means many things, some of which are:
  • letting go of the need to be right (also read my article by the same title: Letting Go of the Need to be Right)
  • letting go of ego (the part of you that insists so much, and so frequently, and so loudly that it knows better than you)
  • understanding that from here on you will think differently about your thoughts, feelings, and actions when something happens that is not to your liking, and therefore leaving your comfort zone
  • allowing compassion for others to fill you
  • remembering your boundaries, but remembering that to uphold them, you need not insist on being right
  • looking at yourself each time you wish to react in unkind or thoughtless ways
  • remembering the importance of what Tolle has called the pain body, i.e., the blind, unaware reaction to anything that evokes a strong feeling response in you, and then resolving to change that response
  • realizing that letting love guide you does not mean only with regards to others, but also, and very particularly, with regards to yourself
Why is is so hard for us to let love guide us? Doesn't much of it have to do with the fact that we need to be right? Or - in other terminology - we need to win? Where does kindness go in those instances ... those many, many instances?

And here's another thing: we don't practice it, so it never becomes a habit.

How can you acquire a habit if you don't practice? Have you ever tried to rid yourself of complaining? Remember the man who started the 21-day-no-complaint challenge? Well I took him up on it, and although I haven't mastered it to perfection, I now rarely find myself complaining, and because I don't, I've become so much more aware of how much time we humans tends to spend on such a useless activity, that only serves to make us feel less good than we could. Then I started working on judgement and criticism. I'm still working. But of course, in the process, I've become so much more aware of the times that I do it. So although it's still a work in progress, and may continue to be so for a long, long time, it's nevertheless continually at the forefront of my conscious mind, and so it is much easier for me to continually remind myself - if I begin to judge or complain - that I actually don't want to go down that road. So I'm practicing. And it's certainly not always easy. My ego likes to remind me, if I walk down the road of judgement, that after all, because I understand so much more about this and that than others, I am allowed to judge... and of course, that is far, far, far from the truth. So I do battle with my ego. I inform it that it is not in charge. I may strengthen my resolve by reading something that keeps me on the right road, or listen to something that does the same job. In other words, I try to support that part of me that wants to be non-judgemental, by making more and more choices that lead me there.

Letting love guide you is like that too. First you need to be convinced that this is a muscle you wish to develop. Then you keep reminding yourself that this is on your list, and when you find yourself in a position where you can make the choice, you make it. And if you make a bad choice because you forgot your good intentions, you forgive yourself (love yourself), tell yourself that at least you remembered that you forgot to make the right choice, and resolve to do better next time.

For whom are you doing this? Yes, for others, of course, but remember, you are, in fact, also doing it for yourself  because the more you allow love to guide you, the more you will be filled with love, and the more you are filled with love, the closer you are to that being that you came here to become.

Image: Cathedral Cove, New Zealand

Note: If you are wondering why this blog only appears on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul, so named for my earlier book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.



For much more about allowing love to be your guiding force in relationships, and how awareness about this can help us to move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership which is now available in paperback format. (The Kindle version is now available here)

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 


Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency



REWIRING THE SOUL


For more about understanding the self and inner growth, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Who's To Blame For How You Feel?


Being a conscious individual and hence living an aware life, implies taking full responsibility for everything about yourself. External circumstances that may occur are not always something you can change or avoid or improve, but you can certainly decide how you feel internally.

This is one of the harder lessons to learn for many people and yet once it is learned, it is the one thing that has the power to change your life for the better so easily. Understanding that you and only you can be the one that is responsible for how you feel is such a liberating experience that you will never again want to be at the mercy of whatever others or circumstances may dish on you.

So of course this means that absolutely no one is to blame for how you feel, no matter what may have occurred and that if you will only take up the torch and do this for yourself, you will - from here on in - be the one who decides how you feel, notwithstanding external circumstances. The following articles on my website will take you further:
  • Controlling Ourselves, Our Lives, and the People in Them
  • Get a Grip on Your Thoughts and Get a Grip on Your Life!
  • Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Also Change: In 3 Weeks!
In a conscious relationship (or spiritual partnership) blaming another for how you feel about what they did means you also need to look at yourself in order to understand your part of the dance.


Note: If you are wondering why this blog only appears on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul, so named for my earlier book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.



For much more about blame and self-responsibility in relationships, and how this awareness can help you move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership which is now available in paperback format. (The Kindle version is now available here)

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 


Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency



REWIRING THE SOUL


For more about understanding the self and inner growth, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

The Way You Are Seen Through Another's Eyes


We often fall in love with a projection, which simply means that we aren't properly aware of who the other person really is ... and what we love is not necessarily who they really are. But we don't know this and we are in love and our partner most likely is doing exactly the same thing. You can see how this might create a problem.

In one scenario I'm aware that I'm not the ski slope lover my new partner thinks I am, but I really want him/her to love me back, so I try to mold myself into that, and we do frequent ski trips together. Thing is, I ski relatively well, but perhaps I hate the cold. Or perhaps I enjoy the après-ski a lot more than the actual skiing, but by the time après-ski comes around, my partner is quite tired and wants to go to bed. Or - substitute football, opera, gardening, discussing politics until the wee hours of the morning, or any other activity you care to mention for skiing, and since again, I really would like my new partner to admire me, approve of me, like and love me, I allow myself to get settled into that particular strait jacket. In time I will find this too constricting and will rebel against the strait jacket and then important and potentially difficult issues will arise when my partner begins to see the greater reality of who I really am.

In another scenario perhaps my partner views me as funny, the center of any party, or perhaps he/she sees me as a veritable Doric column of justice and rectitude or a pillar of strength. We don't know why he/she sees me that way, as said, it's often a projection, but since I am being seen that way, and I may not even be aware of it, important and difficult issues will arise when my partner's rosy-colored glasses fall and he/she sees me for who I truly am.

The point of this preamble is to encourage you to see that much as we want others to like or love us, there is great danger in not being true to ourselves in the way we present ourselves. And of course this means that in the first scenario I be as open as possible about my lack of fire for skiing or football or opera, and that in the second scenario - recognizing at least on the basis of this brief post, that it is vital to be as aware as possible at all times in my relationships - I now go about them in a much more conscious way than before in order to prevent - as much as possible - blind actions and reactions such as those described from happening, or at least, catching them as soon as possible, and then nipping them in the bud by discussing what is going on.

Image Credit: funmag.org

Note: If you are wondering why this blog only appears on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul, so named for my earlier book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.



For much more about projection and blindness in relationships, and how awareness about this can help us to move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership which is now available in paperback format. (The Kindle version is now available here)

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 


Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency



REWIRING THE SOUL


For more about understanding the self and inner growth, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Do Your Relationship Boundaries Contribute to Your Well-Being?


Having healthy boundaries means that an individual has established visibly defined limits to the types of behavior by others (partners, children, colleagues, friends, etc.), which he/she considers permissible, and to clearly indicate the kinds of consequences that will befall the perpetrator, should those boundaries be ignored or violated.

So what does that mean?
Honor Yourself

It means you place a value on yourself. It means you honor yourself. It means you hold yourself in such high esteem, that you would “do” this for yourself.

Consequences

Having established a boundary, a consequence merely says, “If you do not respect this boundary that I have established, then this will happen.” Boundaries need not be harsh or resemble an ultimatum, but they might have to, depending on the circumstances, as these examples indicate:

  • To a spouse if both work: If you do not do the marketing, I will not have time to cook dinner and we will have to eat sandwiches (this should only apply if you like sandwiches and the other person does not…because consequences are not meant to cause you problems or difficulties, only the other person…see the next example in this sense as well)
  • To an older teenage son or daughter: When you smoke marijuana in this house, you place us at legal risk and it is a fire hazard, so if you do it again, you will not be allowed to use the car for one month, but since I will not be able to drive you around, you will have to walk or use public transportation. If after that time you use marijuana again, it may happen we will need to consider whether you may continue to live in this house .
  • To a person you are dating: When you phone me at the last minute without having previously made plans with me, expecting me to drop everything in order to see you, it makes me feel as though I have no importance in your eyes, so if you do it again, I will not be available to see you.
  • From one woman to another: When you dump me two hours before a dinner date with me in order to go on a date with a man who has just given you a last-minute call, you make me feel as though you do not value our friendship, so if you do that again, I will have to re-think our relationship
  • To a chronically late employee: When you arrive late, you make the entire production line lose time, so if you continue to do it, I will begin to dock your pay by half hour increments. If it is then repeated, you will lose your job.
  • To a partner who lies: When you lie to me, I feel as though you place no importance on my feelings, so if you do that again, I will want a trial separation from you.
  • To an emotionally abusive partner: When you do such-and-such, it is very hurtful to me, so if you behave like that again, I will have to remove myself from this relationship 
Basic Tenets of Boundaries

Don’t forget the basic tenet of establishing boundaries: if consequences are not set up, then there is no boundary. However, you might want to explain your feelings to the other person first, as in these examples, in order that he/she understands what the specific behavior does to you, your family, your health, your safety, your business, etc.
Do Unto Others…

Setting boundaries is one of the first steps to psychological health because by doing this, you are clearly telling yourself that you are loved (by yourself), that you are worth it, and that you will not allow others to do unto you, as you would (hopefully) not do unto them…

Image: Scotland

Note: If you are wondering why this blog only appears on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul, so named for my earlier book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.



For much more about healthy boundaries in relationships, and how this awareness can help us to move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership which is now available in paperback format. (The Kindle version is now available here)

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 


Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency



REWIRING THE SOUL


For more about understanding the self and inner growth, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Friday, November 9, 2012

In the Heat of the Argument


Arguments come about - evidently - because we disagree with another person or several persons or many others. We want to demonstrate that we are right. Needing to be right is the ego trying to make us lose sight of peace, love and truth. Giving Up the Need to Be Right is an entire article about this subject. 

But in today's post, I simply want to prevail on you to keep your eyes on truth. In a marriage or love relationship if we are not aware of ourselves as the heat of an argument escalates, it will be impossible to keep our eyes on anything other than our need to be right. Needing to be right is all we focus on if we are not remaining aware and conscious. This means - simply put - that our chances for resolving in a spirit of peace, love, and truth are low, as opposed to the very high chances we have to achieve that if we remain aware. Publius Syrius very rightly said: In a heated argument we are apt to lose sight of the truth, but if he had added that by remaining aware this has excellent chances of not occurring, he would have been even more correct.

I choose to assume that you are very interested in maintaining a high level of peace, love and truth in your relationships. In that case, how much practice are you putting into remaining aware at all times?


Note: If you are wondering why this blog only appears on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul, so named for my earlier book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.



For much more about remaining aware in relationships, and how this awareness can help us to move towards spiritual partnership and inner peace, see my new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership which is now available in paperback format. (The Kindle version will be released near the end of November 2012.)

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.

This ground-breaking book addresses:

• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship

It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships. 


Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership 

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come." 
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of Time is an Illusion and Ecstasy is a New Frequency



For more about understanding the self and inner growth, also have a look at my earlier book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.